SNL Transcripts: Paul Simon: 11/20/76: Paul Simon’s Monologue Worries


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 8

76h: Paul Simon / George Harrison

Paul Simon’s Monologue Worries

…..Paul Simon
…..Chevy Chase
…..Lorne Michaels
…..George Harrison

[ SUPER: “The Voice of Don Pardo LIVE” ]

Announcer: Portions of the following program have been pre-recorded.

[ dissolve to exterior, 30 Rockefeller Plaza ] [ Paul Simon makes his way through a crowd of people outside, only to discover former “Saturday Night Live” castmember Chevy Chase singing “This Land Is Your Land” on guitar and collecting money in a guitar case ]

Paul Simon: Chevy! Chevy!

Chevy Chase: [ not believing his eyes ] Paul! It’s good to see you!

Paul Simon: How are you?

Chevy Chase: I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine.

Paul Simon: Well, how’s everything going since you left the show?

Chevy Chase: Oh, hey.. dynamite!

Paul Simon: Specials? You’re working on specials?

Chevy Chase: Oh yeah, I’m working on specials even as we talk!

Paul Simon: Movies?

Chevy Chase: Writing the movies..

Paul Simon: Oh, fantastic! So, it was worth it?

Chevy Chase: Yeah! What are you doing?

Paul Simon: I’m gonna do the show tonight.

Chevy Chase: Oh, that’s great!

Paul Simon: I’m the host.

Chevy Chase: You’re a little bit early, you’re a little bit early..

Paul Simon: Well, I might have to get changed into a costume.. for the opening.

Chevy Chase: Oh, that’s funny! Is it good?

Paul Simon: Oh.. to tell you the truth, I have my doubts about the whole concept.. and something they wrote.. I’m gonna talk to Lorne about it anyway.

Chevy Chase: Ahh.. hey! Hey! “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”

Paul Simon: Right, okay.. yeah, great, Chevy. See you a little later.

Chevy Chase: Okay, see you later! [ starts playing “Do You Know The Way To San Jose” ] [ Paul turns to leave, but then looks back at Chevy ]

Paul Simon: Hey, why don’t you come to the party after the show?

Chevy Chase: Party? I’d love to do that, man. If I’m finished with my work..

Paul Simon: Well, everyone would love to see you. They would love to see you again. Okay, see you later.

Chevy Chase: Beautiful!

[ Paul walks away, as Chevy returns to singing “Do You Know The Way To San Jose”, as someone makes a request for something from Bob Dylan ] [ cut to Lorne Michaels in the halls of Studio 8H talking with musical guest George Harrison ]

Lorne Michaels: ..I mean, how do you think I feel? I feel terrible about it!

George Harrison: You’re saying that now. I’ve come all this way. It’s $3,000, that was the deal!

Lorne Michaels: I understand. But it was just one of those mix-ups. I mean, it’s..

Paul Simon: [ entering the hall ] Hi, George. Hi, Lorne.

Lorne Michaels: We’d better get started, are you about ready?

Paul Simon: Can I just talk to you for a minute? In private?

Lorne Michaels: Sure. [ to George ] Can you just excuse us for a moment, George? [ steps aside with Paul ] What is it?

Paul Simon: Lorne, I have grave doubts about the costume.

Lorne Michaels: What, in the opening?

Paul Simon: Yes, I do.

Lorne Michaels: I think the opening’s working wonderfully. What are you worried about?

Paul Simon: I’m worried about.. I feel that there’s a really good chance that I could look like a fool, that’s what I’m worried about.

Lorne Michaels: Not a chance. Really. You just have to confidence when you go up there. Believe me, it’ll work.

Paul Simon: I hope you’re right..

Lorne Michaels: You believe me?

Paul Simon: I don’t believe you, but I hope you’re right.

Lorne Michaels: It’ll be great, you’d better change.

Paul Simon: I hope you are right, Lorne.. [ exits hall ]

George Harrison: Fine, I’ll tell you one thing, you ought to get in straigt in the future, you know..?

Lorne Michaels: If you don’t go on tonight, it’ll break his heart. You see, I thought that you would understand, you know, that it was $3,000 for four people, that it would just be $750 for each of you. I mean, as far as I’m concerned, I mean, you could have the full $3,000. But the network..

George Harrison: It’s pretty chincy..

Lorne Michaels: Well, I’ll tell you what. I know there’s $250 available for the opening, for the person who says “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night”.

George Harrison: [ smiles excitedly, and turns to the camera ] “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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