Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 2: Episode 8
Paul Simon’s Monologue Worries
[ SUPER: “The Voice of Don Pardo LIVE” ]
Announcer: Portions of the following program have been pre-recorded.
[ dissolve to exterior, 30 Rockefeller Plaza ]
[ Paul Simon makes his way through a crowd of people outside, only to discover former “Saturday Night Live” castmember Chevy Chase singing “This Land Is Your Land” on guitar and collecting money in a guitar case ]
Paul Simon: Chevy! Chevy!
Chevy Chase: [ not believing his eyes ] Paul! It’s good to see you!
Paul Simon: How are you?
Chevy Chase: I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine.
Paul Simon: Well, how’s everything going since you left the show?
Chevy Chase: Oh, hey.. dynamite!
Paul Simon: Specials? You’re working on specials?
Chevy Chase: Oh yeah, I’m working on specials even as we talk!
Paul Simon: Movies?
Chevy Chase: Writing the movies..
Paul Simon: Oh, fantastic! So, it was worth it?
Chevy Chase: Yeah! What are you doing?
Paul Simon: I’m gonna do the show tonight.
Chevy Chase: Oh, that’s great!
Paul Simon: I’m the host.
Chevy Chase: You’re a little bit early, you’re a little bit early..
Paul Simon: Well, I might have to get changed into a costume.. for the opening.
Chevy Chase: Oh, that’s funny! Is it good?
Paul Simon: Oh.. to tell you the truth, I have my doubts about the whole concept.. and something they wrote.. I’m gonna talk to Lorne about it anyway.
Chevy Chase: Ahh.. hey! Hey! “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”
Paul Simon: Right, okay.. yeah, great, Chevy. See you a little later.
Chevy Chase: Okay, see you later! [ starts playing “Do You Know The Way To San Jose” ]
[ Paul turns to leave, but then looks back at Chevy ]
Paul Simon: Hey, why don’t you come to the party after the show?
Chevy Chase: Party? I’d love to do that, man. If I’m finished with my work..
Paul Simon: Well, everyone would love to see you. They would love to see you again. Okay, see you later.
Chevy Chase: Beautiful!
[ Paul walks away, as Chevy returns to singing “Do You Know The Way To San Jose”, as someone makes a request for something from Bob Dylan ]
[ cut to Lorne Michaels in the halls of Studio 8H talking with musical guest George Harrison ]
Lorne Michaels: ..I mean, how do you think I feel? I feel terrible about it!
George Harrison: You’re saying that now. I’ve come all this way. It’s $3,000, that was the deal!
Lorne Michaels: I understand. But it was just one of those mix-ups. I mean, it’s..
Paul Simon: [ entering the hall ] Hi, George. Hi, Lorne.
Lorne Michaels: We’d better get started, are you about ready?
Paul Simon: Can I just talk to you for a minute? In private?
Lorne Michaels: Sure. [ to George ] Can you just excuse us for a moment, George? [ steps aside with Paul ] What is it?
Paul Simon: Lorne, I have grave doubts about the costume.
Lorne Michaels: What, in the opening?
Paul Simon: Yes, I do.
Lorne Michaels: I think the opening’s working wonderfully. What are you worried about?
Paul Simon: I’m worried about.. I feel that there’s a really good chance that I could look like a fool, that’s what I’m worried about.
Lorne Michaels: Not a chance. Really. You just have to confidence when you go up there. Believe me, it’ll work.
Paul Simon: I hope you’re right..
Lorne Michaels: You believe me?
Paul Simon: I don’t believe you, but I hope you’re right.
Lorne Michaels: It’ll be great, you’d better change.
Paul Simon: I hope you are right, Lorne.. [ exits hall ]
George Harrison: Fine, I’ll tell you one thing, you ought to get in straigt in the future, you know..?
Lorne Michaels: If you don’t go on tonight, it’ll break his heart. You see, I thought that you would understand, you know, that it was $3,000 for four people, that it would just be $750 for each of you. I mean, as far as I’m concerned, I mean, you could have the full $3,000. But the network..
George Harrison: It’s pretty chincy..
Lorne Michaels: Well, I’ll tell you what. I know there’s $250 available for the opening, for the person who says “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night”.
George Harrison: [ smiles excitedly, and turns to the camera ] “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”