SNL Transcripts: Paul Simon: 11/20/76: Paul Simon’s Monologue Worries

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 8

76h: Paul Simon / George Harrison

Paul Simon’s Monologue Worries

…..Paul Simon
…..Chevy Chase
…..Lorne Michaels
…..George Harrison

[ SUPER: “The Voice of Don Pardo LIVE” ]

Announcer: Portions of the following program have been pre-recorded.

[ dissolve to exterior, 30 Rockefeller Plaza ] [ Paul Simon makes his way through a crowd of people outside, only to discover former “Saturday Night Live” castmember Chevy Chase singing “This Land Is Your Land” on guitar and collecting money in a guitar case ]

Paul Simon: Chevy! Chevy!

Chevy Chase: [ not believing his eyes ] Paul! It’s good to see you!

Paul Simon: How are you?

Chevy Chase: I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine.

Paul Simon: Well, how’s everything going since you left the show?

Chevy Chase: Oh, hey.. dynamite!

Paul Simon: Specials? You’re working on specials?

Chevy Chase: Oh yeah, I’m working on specials even as we talk!

Paul Simon: Movies?

Chevy Chase: Writing the movies..

Paul Simon: Oh, fantastic! So, it was worth it?

Chevy Chase: Yeah! What are you doing?

Paul Simon: I’m gonna do the show tonight.

Chevy Chase: Oh, that’s great!

Paul Simon: I’m the host.

Chevy Chase: You’re a little bit early, you’re a little bit early..

Paul Simon: Well, I might have to get changed into a costume.. for the opening.

Chevy Chase: Oh, that’s funny! Is it good?

Paul Simon: Oh.. to tell you the truth, I have my doubts about the whole concept.. and something they wrote.. I’m gonna talk to Lorne about it anyway.

Chevy Chase: Ahh.. hey! Hey! “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”

Paul Simon: Right, okay.. yeah, great, Chevy. See you a little later.

Chevy Chase: Okay, see you later! [ starts playing “Do You Know The Way To San Jose” ] [ Paul turns to leave, but then looks back at Chevy ]

Paul Simon: Hey, why don’t you come to the party after the show?

Chevy Chase: Party? I’d love to do that, man. If I’m finished with my work..

Paul Simon: Well, everyone would love to see you. They would love to see you again. Okay, see you later.

Chevy Chase: Beautiful!

[ Paul walks away, as Chevy returns to singing “Do You Know The Way To San Jose”, as someone makes a request for something from Bob Dylan ] [ cut to Lorne Michaels in the halls of Studio 8H talking with musical guest George Harrison ]

Lorne Michaels: ..I mean, how do you think I feel? I feel terrible about it!

George Harrison: You’re saying that now. I’ve come all this way. It’s $3,000, that was the deal!

Lorne Michaels: I understand. But it was just one of those mix-ups. I mean, it’s..

Paul Simon: [ entering the hall ] Hi, George. Hi, Lorne.

Lorne Michaels: We’d better get started, are you about ready?

Paul Simon: Can I just talk to you for a minute? In private?

Lorne Michaels: Sure. [ to George ] Can you just excuse us for a moment, George? [ steps aside with Paul ] What is it?

Paul Simon: Lorne, I have grave doubts about the costume.

Lorne Michaels: What, in the opening?

Paul Simon: Yes, I do.

Lorne Michaels: I think the opening’s working wonderfully. What are you worried about?

Paul Simon: I’m worried about.. I feel that there’s a really good chance that I could look like a fool, that’s what I’m worried about.

Lorne Michaels: Not a chance. Really. You just have to confidence when you go up there. Believe me, it’ll work.

Paul Simon: I hope you’re right..

Lorne Michaels: You believe me?

Paul Simon: I don’t believe you, but I hope you’re right.

Lorne Michaels: It’ll be great, you’d better change.

Paul Simon: I hope you are right, Lorne.. [ exits hall ]

George Harrison: Fine, I’ll tell you one thing, you ought to get in straigt in the future, you know..?

Lorne Michaels: If you don’t go on tonight, it’ll break his heart. You see, I thought that you would understand, you know, that it was $3,000 for four people, that it would just be $750 for each of you. I mean, as far as I’m concerned, I mean, you could have the full $3,000. But the network..

George Harrison: It’s pretty chincy..

Lorne Michaels: Well, I’ll tell you what. I know there’s $250 available for the opening, for the person who says “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night”.

George Harrison: [ smiles excitedly, and turns to the camera ] “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”

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