SNL Transcripts: Candice Bergen: 12/11/76: Carter’s Promises

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 10

76j: Candice Bergen / Frank Zappa

Carter’s Promises

Jimmy Carter…..Dan Aykroyd

[ open on President-elect Jimmy Carter sitting outside of a warehouse in Plains, Georgia, eating from a bag of shelled peanuts ]

Jimmy Carter: Good evening, my fellow Americans! If you remember my campaign for President, I promised to keep every promise I made. Tonight, I’m here to tell you.. well.. unfortunately, that will be impossible. [ smiles wide ] You see, I’m not privy to information that only a President is privy to, and I’m.. I’m beginning to appreciate just how good a President Gerald Ford has been. [ smiles wide ]

Considering today’s harsh economic realities – for example, I promised that I would both balance the budget and reduce unemployment. Well, it simply can’t be done! [ smiles wide ] No way! It just looks bad. If you could see all the papers and the briefs and information that I read – well, as Bob Dyland said, “It blows my mind!”

Now, look – the economy of the entire world is in a tailspin. Now, I don’t have all the answers. I never did. But I have developed a plan to save the world economy. But that’s gonna take me at least four years to get started. Because, after all, I’m not the President of the World. [ smiles wide ] So, don’t expect things to start improving until the beginning of my second term. But I do promise that, by 1984, well, we’ll have a balanced budget and full employment. And you cna depend on it! I love you all. God bless. Merry Christmas, and thank you for making me your president! [ chews a peanut ] [ camera zooms out, then dissolves into a slow zoom on a random female audience member ] [ SUPER: “Confused Polly Bergen Fan” ] [ fade ]

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