SNL Transcripts: Candice Bergen: 12/11/76: FX-70 Cheese Slicer


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 10

76j: Candice Bergen / Frank Zappa

FX-70 Cheese Slicer

… Candice Bergen
Johnny … John Belushi

[Parody of a 1970s Polaroid ad – Western music -Candice Bergen holds what appears to be an instantcamera as we pull back to reveal Johnny, a kid in acowboy outfit.]

Candice Bergen: Okay, Johnny, what do yousay?

Johnny: [smiles] Cheeeeese!

[Candice points the “camera” at Johnny and presses abutton – the “camera” whirs and a slice of processedyellow cheese emerges from the slot where one wouldexpect to see an instant photo]

Candice Bergen: Got it! [hands the cheese sliceto Johnny who happily unwraps and eats it] Anotherperfect slice of processed cheese! And look at thatcolor! It turns from mild to sharp in sixty seconds!

[Dissolve to a table laden with cheeseburgers,cheese-covered pie slices, etc. Over this, two handshold the “camera” with a slice of cheese sticking outof it]

Candice Bergen: The new FX-70 Cheese Slicer andprocessed cheese cartridges. [SUPER: $69.95] Onlysixty-nine ninety-five for all your cheese needs.

[Dissolve back to Candice and Johnny.]

Candice Bergen: Hey! What do you say?

Offscreen Children’s Voices: [as Johnny holdsup his cheese slice] Cheeeeese!

[Candice points the “camera” at Johnny who grinsmischievously and raises an eyebrow at her. Applause -fade.]

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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