Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 2: Episode 12
…..John Belushi’s Doctor
[ open on interior, Lorne’s office ]
Lorne Michaels: [ into the phone ] — I’m telling you, because he can’t… because he can’t do the show. Listen, he was in dress rehearsal — you’re ognna have to ask Danny to go out and do the opening. Belushi is just not rea —[ Jane Curtin enters with a bespectacled man at her side ]
John Belushi’s Doctor: Mr. Michaels?
Lorne Michaels: [ to his visitor ] Yeah, one second, please. [ into the phone ] Okay? Send Danny out.[ Lorne hangs up the phone and stands ]
Jane Curtin: Lorne, this is John’s doctor.
Lorne Michaels: Hi.
John Belushi’s Doctor: Mr. Michaels, he’s — he’s — he’s GOT to go on! Now, maybe he’s not one-hundred per cent Belushi… but he’s got the drive, he’s got the will, he’ll — he’ll — he’ll —
Lorne Michaels: Doctor —
John Belushi’s Doctor: He’s GOT to perform! That’s all. Now, he’d be CRUSHED if he doesn’t!
Lorne Michaels: Doctor, I don’t want to — I don’t want to, uh, argue with you. But from what I saw at dress rehearsal, I canNOT put Belushi on national television.
John Belushi’s Doctor: Uh, Gilda — ?
Lorne Michaels: He’s like in a coma —
John Belushi’s Doctor: Gilda, would you please fetch him in here. [ to Lorne ] Just take ONE more look at him!
Lorne Michaels: They’ve already started. We’re on the air right now!
John Belushi’s Doctor: I — I — I understand — I understand —
Lorne Michaels: I CAN’T put him in the top!
John Belushi’s Doctor: [ Gilda wheels John Belushi into Lorne’s office stretched across a wheelchair ]
John Belushi’s Doctor: Ah! Well, now, you see — you see — you see — you see?
Lorne Michaels: Look — I can’t let this man on television. He’s a — I mean, he’s barely awake![ Belushi males comic motions from his position in the wheelchair ]
John Belushi’s Doctor: Lorne, if John Belushi could speak… he’d TELL you he’s GOT to go on!
Lorne Michaels: Doc, I — I — I — I don’t understand: why are you so convinced that this man can do a show?
John Belushi’s Doctor: [ he chuckles ] Well, to be perfectly honest, it’s about my fee. You see, uh — if he doesn’t go on —
Lorne Michaels: Yeah?
John Belushi’s Doctor: He doesn’t get paid.
Lorne Michaels: Right.
John Belushi’s Doctor: And, if he doesn’t get paid, I don’t get paid. And if I don’t get paid… I’ll be forced to cut off his drugs![ Belushi perks up his head in worry, as the camera zooms in on him ]
John Belushi: Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!