SNL Transcripts: Fran Tarkenton: 01/29/77: Sports Injury


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 13

76m: Fran Tarkenton / Leo Sayer, Donny Harper Singers

Sports Injury

Coach…..John Belushi
Chambers…..Dan Aykroyd
Player…..Garrett Morris
Second Coach…..Bill Murray
…..Fran Tarkenton

[ open on Coach John Belushi and members of Team Saturday Night watching from the sidelines as they cheer on their teammate, Chambers ]

Coach: Alright, alright, alright! Come on! We’ve got it! Come on! We’ve got it! Okay, he’s open! He’s open! Go, Chambers, go! Go, Chambers, go! Go, Chambers! [ he cringes ] Ohhhh!!!! He dropped the ball! Oh, God, I don’t believe it! [ turns to his players on the bench ] Defense, get in there! Get in there! Defense! Move!! Move!! Get that ball!! Get that ball!

[ the various sidelined players run onto the field, as the Coach looks about frantically ]

Where’s Chambers?! Chambers, get over here! Chambers! [ Chambers steps forward ] Chambers! What’s going on out there, Chambers?! You’re the best halfback we’ve got! You were wide open — then some guy puts an arm tackle on you, and you fumble the ball! I don’t believe it! What happened?!

Chambers: [ nervously ] I don’t know, I saw daylight, and I was going through, Coach, and… the guy grabbed my arm — pulled my arm off — and I fumbled the ball!

Coach: [ confused ] What?

Chambers: He tore my arm off!

[ Chambers shifts his body to reveal that his right arm is missing ]

Coach: [ incredulous ] So, it’s a little injury, is that it?! You can’t play hurt, is that what you’re trying to tell me, you CREAM PUFF!! You can’t play hurt, Chambers? Well, this is a championship game!

[ another player walks up ]

Player: Hey, man?

Chambers: Yeah?

Player: [ holds up the detached arm ] Is this yours?

Chambers: Yeah.

[ Coach grabs the detached arm and sends the player on his way ]

Coach: Is this the arm, Chambers?

Chambers: Yeh, that’s it.

Coach: Well, it looks fine to ME!! [ shoves the arm toward a second coach ] Tape it up! Come on! Get it up there! Tape it up! [ the second coach begins towrap tape around Chambers and his detached arm ] Now, remember, Chambers — just TOUCH the ball, alright? Just TOUCH the ball! [ to the second coach ] Get that tape up there! Come on! Come on! [ pounds Chambers along the chest to hold the tape in ] Now, run! You know — when the going gets tough, the tough get weak! No, the tough get hurt! The tough get going!! Don’t worry about it! [ to the second coach ] Get that tape up there! [ the botched tape job is complete ] Okay, it’s in! It’s fine! Now, when you play with pain, you play well! Alright? Okay, get out there!

Chambers: What if I — what if I permanently damage the arm?

Coach: It’s alright — you can always be a place kicker! Move! Get out there! Get out there, Chambers!

[ Chambers runs back onto the field, as Coach moves down the roster ]

Coach: Tark! [ Fran Tarkenton jumps to his feet ] Move out there, kid! Come on! Do the intro! [ Tarkenton runs across the studio ] Let’s go! Make it happen! Make something happen!

[ Tarkenton scrambles toward the audience to introduce Leo Sayer ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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