SNL Transcripts: Fran Tarkenton: 01/29/77: Sports Injury

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 13

76m: Fran Tarkenton / Leo Sayer, Donny Harper Singers

Sports Injury

Coach…..John Belushi
Chambers…..Dan Aykroyd
Player…..Garrett Morris
Second Coach…..Bill Murray
…..Fran Tarkenton

[ open on Coach John Belushi and members of Team Saturday Night watching from the sidelines as they cheer on their teammate, Chambers ]

Coach: Alright, alright, alright! Come on! We’ve got it! Come on! We’ve got it! Okay, he’s open! He’s open! Go, Chambers, go! Go, Chambers, go! Go, Chambers! [ he cringes ] Ohhhh!!!! He dropped the ball! Oh, God, I don’t believe it! [ turns to his players on the bench ] Defense, get in there! Get in there! Defense! Move!! Move!! Get that ball!! Get that ball!

[ the various sidelined players run onto the field, as the Coach looks about frantically ]

Where’s Chambers?! Chambers, get over here! Chambers! [ Chambers steps forward ] Chambers! What’s going on out there, Chambers?! You’re the best halfback we’ve got! You were wide open — then some guy puts an arm tackle on you, and you fumble the ball! I don’t believe it! What happened?!

Chambers: [ nervously ] I don’t know, I saw daylight, and I was going through, Coach, and… the guy grabbed my arm — pulled my arm off — and I fumbled the ball!

Coach: [ confused ] What?

Chambers: He tore my arm off!

[ Chambers shifts his body to reveal that his right arm is missing ]

Coach: [ incredulous ] So, it’s a little injury, is that it?! You can’t play hurt, is that what you’re trying to tell me, you CREAM PUFF!! You can’t play hurt, Chambers? Well, this is a championship game!

[ another player walks up ]

Player: Hey, man?

Chambers: Yeah?

Player: [ holds up the detached arm ] Is this yours?

Chambers: Yeah.

[ Coach grabs the detached arm and sends the player on his way ]

Coach: Is this the arm, Chambers?

Chambers: Yeh, that’s it.

Coach: Well, it looks fine to ME!! [ shoves the arm toward a second coach ] Tape it up! Come on! Get it up there! Tape it up! [ the second coach begins towrap tape around Chambers and his detached arm ] Now, remember, Chambers — just TOUCH the ball, alright? Just TOUCH the ball! [ to the second coach ] Get that tape up there! Come on! Come on! [ pounds Chambers along the chest to hold the tape in ] Now, run! You know — when the going gets tough, the tough get weak! No, the tough get hurt! The tough get going!! Don’t worry about it! [ to the second coach ] Get that tape up there! [ the botched tape job is complete ] Okay, it’s in! It’s fine! Now, when you play with pain, you play well! Alright? Okay, get out there!

Chambers: What if I — what if I permanently damage the arm?

Coach: It’s alright — you can always be a place kicker! Move! Get out there! Get out there, Chambers!

[ Chambers runs back onto the field, as Coach moves down the roster ]

Coach: Tark! [ Fran Tarkenton jumps to his feet ] Move out there, kid! Come on! Do the intro! [ Tarkenton runs across the studio ] Let’s go! Make it happen! Make something happen!

[ Tarkenton scrambles toward the audience to introduce Leo Sayer ]

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