SNL Transcripts: Fran Tarkenton: 01/29/77: Fran Tarkenton’s Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 13

76m: Fran Tarkenton / Leo Sayer, Donny Harper Singers

Fran Tarkenton’s Monologue

…..Fran Tarkenton
Coach…..John Belushi
Lee Whitehead…..Bill Murray
…..Garrett Morris

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Fran Tarkenton!

Fran Tarkenton: Uh, thank you. Thank you very much. Uh, now I’m not going to predict how this show will turn out. Uh — [ he laughs ] You know, I’ve never hosted a TV show before, and I really don’t have the best track records… as far as predictions go. Before the Superbowl, I kind of made a fool of myself. I got on national television, and told the whole world the Vikings would definitely win the game. And, as you probably know, we… were narrowly defeated. Uh — [ he laughs ] by a very, very lucky Oakland team.

Uh — before we go any further, I’d like to say something about the kind of people here on “Saturday Night”. They asked me to do this show a week before the Superbowl, and, uh — I thought if we lost the game, “Saturday Night” would be well within their rights to, uh, call me the next day and cancel. Well… [ he chuckles ] I was wrong, and, uh, they called me at Half Time.

Now, I want everyone to know — especially you Vikings fans out there — that the Vikings aren’t dead yet. [ the audience cheers ] Uh — we’re a team, uh, built on pride and discipline. And, next July, we’re going back to Mankato, Minnesota — we’re gonna work harder than ever. We’re gonna put on those bonnets and purple jerseys, and strap those little shoulder pads on, and I guarantee ya’ that… we’ll BE in that Superbowl next season! And I predict… we’ll lose again.

[ the audience applauds the joke ]

You know, in the NFL, most plays are sent into the court of act from the sidelines. But, I’m a little different. I call my own plays, and I’m gonna try and do that tonight. So, right now, I’d — I’d like to sing a song. [ he nods ] Uh — a song that’s really, uh — very, very special to me, and… here it is.

[ music begins to play, as Tarkenton grabs a microphone, and pulls up a stool and sits ]

Nothing more than feelings!”

[ on the sidelines, John Belushi cringes at the results of Tarkenton’s performance ] [ commentator Lee Whitehead appears in superimposed circle on the left side of the screen ]

Lee Whitehead: Well, you can’t help but wonder if maybe Coach John Belushi has made a technical error tonight, in letting Fran Tarkenton try his luck as a singer. Now, don’t get me wring — I’m not badmouthing Tark, uh, but you just can’t expect a guy who’s passed over 25,000 yards and 300 touchdowns to be able to pull off a dramatic ballad.

[ Belushi angrily slams a chair against the sidelines ]

Lee Whitehead: Now, I’m sorry, but that’s my opinion, uh —

[ Belushi grabs Garrett Morris off the bench ]

Lee Whitehead: Now, it seems that, uh, Belushi is sending in a play, with Garrett Morris, the talented running back out of Julius Irving High School here. And I wonder, uh, if we can get our statistician, Bobby Van Ry, to find out how many miles 45,000 yards adds up to.

[ Garrett runs up to Home Base ]

Lee Whitehead: Now, it looks like Garrett is gonna make a little bit of a change here. Back to the action for a second.

[ Garrett and Tarkenton agree to switch places for the good of the team, as Tarkenton shuffles away from Home Base and Garrett continues the song ]

Garrett Morris: [ singing ]“Feelings!
Wo-oh-oh-oh, feelings!
Wo-oh-oh-oh, feelings!”

[ on the sidelines, Tarkenton balks at the switch, so Belushi smacks him ]

Garrett Morris: [ singing ]“Again… in my… hea-ea-ea-earrrrrttt!!”

We’ll be right back!

[ Garrett bows gracefully, as the crowd cheers ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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