SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 02/26/77: Pull The Plug


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 14

76n: Steve Martin / The Kinks

Pull The Plug

Doctor…..Steve Martin
Mrs. Dionosopolis…..Jane Curtin
Mr. Dionosopolis…..Bill Murray
Buddy…..John Belushi

[ open on interior, hospital room; Doctor stands with Parents in front of Buddy’s bed, as Buddy lies in a coma ]

Doctor: I’m sorry, Mr. & Mrs. Dionosopolis, but your son can’t get any closer to death than he is right now.

Mrs. Dionosopolis: Tomorrow’s his birthday.

Mr. Dionosopolis: Doctor, isn’t there a chance that Buddy could come out of this coma?

Doctor: Well, let me put it this way – if you want to get Buddy something for his birthday, I would suggest moss for his north side.

Mrs. Dionosopolis: [ cries in agony ]

Doctor: Hey! I’m just trying to lighten things up a little bit!

Mr. Dionosopolis: [ comforting his wife ] Thank you, Doctor! It’s a good joke! It is. I’m sure that Buddy would have laughed.

Doctor: Well, I think you should know that the machine that keeps Buddy alive is costing you $500 a day.

[ awkward pase]

Mr. Dionosopolis: I think you’d better pull the plug, Doctor.

Mrs. Dionosopolis: [ outraged ] Buddy!!!

Mr. Dionosopolis: Now, you heard what the man said. Buddy has no motor reflexes, his mind is gone.. do you think he’s having fun? Look at that!

Doctor: Now, listen, uh.. according to law, I cannot deliberately pull the plug.

Mr. Dionosopolis: I see.

Doctor: Buuuut.. if the plug were to, uh.. “accidentally”.. be pulled from the wall, I don’t think anyone’s gonna make a federal case out of it. I think you know what I’m talking about, huh?

Mr. Dionosopolis: Mmm-hmm. Well, I think we should probably just put him out of his misery..

Mrs. Dionosopolis: [ outraged ] Honey!!

Mr. Dionosopolis: [ calmly ] Cathy.. I never told you this.. but, about a year ago, Buddy came to me, and he said, “Dad.. if i’m ever in a bad accident at work, and I’m hit in the head with a sledgehammer and lapse into a coma, and have to kept alive by a machine.. I want to die with dignity. So, please pull the plug.”

Mrs. Dionosopolis: We-ell.. if that’s the way that Buddy wants it, then.. pull the plug.

Doctor: Accidentally.

Mr. Dionosopolis: Accidentally.

Mrs. Dionosopolis: Accidentally.

Doctor: Okay! Well, hey, I’ve got to, uh.. run up to surgery. I’m, uh.. kinda late right now, so I’ll probably be taking off! See you later – they’re calling me! [ pretends to trip over the plug as he makes his exit, getting tangled ] Oh, no! My leg is tangled in the cord! It.. it could cut off the circulation! Help me!

Mr. Dionosopolis: [ playing along ] Okay.. here, here.. let me get your foot out..

Doctor: Yeah! Maybe you could just pull on it!

[ the two of them struggle with the plug, but it will not loosen itself from the wall no matter how hard they pull at it ] [ suddenly, Buddy opens his eyes to survey the situation ]

Buddy: Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! I’m not in a coma any more!

Mrs. Dionosopolis: Thank God!

Mr. Dionosopolis: [ embarrassed ] Buddy..? Buddy..?

Buddy: [ raising finger ] Ohhhhh.. what are you doing? Were you pulling the plug on me!

Mr. Dionosopolis: [ trying to explain ] Buddy, the doctor told us you were a vegetable.

Doctor: I, for one, am baffled!

Buddy: But pulling the plug!

Mrs. Dionosopolis: Buddy, we were just doing what you told your father about “dying with dignity”, you know? If you ever got hit in the head with a sledgehammer and had to be kept alive by machines? You remember!

Buddy: I never said anything like that, Mom.

Mr. Dionosopolis: Oh, yeahh.. you remember, don’t you? It was that one day, remember? You weren’t asking yourself, you were real strange.. I thought, “Gee, that’s not like Buddy, wants to die like that..” But I figured, what the heck, okay! You said it, though! You said, it, you just forgot!

Buddy: [ laughing ] I probably forgot about it!

Mr. Dionosopolis: Well, buddy, do you fell good enough to go home?

Buddy: [ excited ] Yeah, that would be just great!

Mrs. Dionosopolis: Alright. I’ll fix you a nice big lunch!

Mr. Dionosopolis: And we’ll go hunting first thing next week, okay? [ turns to Doctor ] Thanks a lot, Doctor! Thanks for almost killing little Buddy!

[ family exits hospital room ]

Doctor: Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me!

[ fade to black ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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