SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 02/26/77: Pull The Plug



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 14






76n: Steve Martin / The Kinks

Pull The Plug

Doctor…..Steve Martin
Mrs. Dionosopolis…..Jane Curtin
Mr. Dionosopolis…..Bill Murray
Buddy…..John Belushi

[ open on interior, hospital room; Doctor stands with Parents in front of Buddy’s bed, as Buddy lies in a coma ]

Doctor: I’m sorry, Mr. & Mrs. Dionosopolis, but your son can’t get any closer to death than he is right now.

Mrs. Dionosopolis: Tomorrow’s his birthday.

Mr. Dionosopolis: Doctor, isn’t there a chance that Buddy could come out of this coma?

Doctor: Well, let me put it this way – if you want to get Buddy something for his birthday, I would suggest moss for his north side.

Mrs. Dionosopolis: [ cries in agony ]

Doctor: Hey! I’m just trying to lighten things up a little bit!

Mr. Dionosopolis: [ comforting his wife ] Thank you, Doctor! It’s a good joke! It is. I’m sure that Buddy would have laughed.

Doctor: Well, I think you should know that the machine that keeps Buddy alive is costing you $500 a day.

[ awkward pase]

Mr. Dionosopolis: I think you’d better pull the plug, Doctor.

Mrs. Dionosopolis: [ outraged ] Buddy!!!

Mr. Dionosopolis: Now, you heard what the man said. Buddy has no motor reflexes, his mind is gone.. do you think he’s having fun? Look at that!

Doctor: Now, listen, uh.. according to law, I cannot deliberately pull the plug.

Mr. Dionosopolis: I see.

Doctor: Buuuut.. if the plug were to, uh.. “accidentally”.. be pulled from the wall, I don’t think anyone’s gonna make a federal case out of it. I think you know what I’m talking about, huh?

Mr. Dionosopolis: Mmm-hmm. Well, I think we should probably just put him out of his misery..

Mrs. Dionosopolis: [ outraged ] Honey!!

Mr. Dionosopolis: [ calmly ] Cathy.. I never told you this.. but, about a year ago, Buddy came to me, and he said, “Dad.. if i’m ever in a bad accident at work, and I’m hit in the head with a sledgehammer and lapse into a coma, and have to kept alive by a machine.. I want to die with dignity. So, please pull the plug.”

Mrs. Dionosopolis: We-ell.. if that’s the way that Buddy wants it, then.. pull the plug.

Doctor: Accidentally.

Mr. Dionosopolis: Accidentally.

Mrs. Dionosopolis: Accidentally.

Doctor: Okay! Well, hey, I’ve got to, uh.. run up to surgery. I’m, uh.. kinda late right now, so I’ll probably be taking off! See you later – they’re calling me! [ pretends to trip over the plug as he makes his exit, getting tangled ] Oh, no! My leg is tangled in the cord! It.. it could cut off the circulation! Help me!

Mr. Dionosopolis: [ playing along ] Okay.. here, here.. let me get your foot out..

Doctor: Yeah! Maybe you could just pull on it!

[ the two of them struggle with the plug, but it will not loosen itself from the wall no matter how hard they pull at it ]

[ suddenly, Buddy opens his eyes to survey the situation ]

Buddy: Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! I’m not in a coma any more!

Mrs. Dionosopolis: Thank God!

Mr. Dionosopolis: [ embarrassed ] Buddy..? Buddy..?

Buddy: [ raising finger ] Ohhhhh.. what are you doing? Were you pulling the plug on me!

Mr. Dionosopolis: [ trying to explain ] Buddy, the doctor told us you were a vegetable.

Doctor: I, for one, am baffled!

Buddy: But pulling the plug!

Mrs. Dionosopolis: Buddy, we were just doing what you told your father about “dying with dignity”, you know? If you ever got hit in the head with a sledgehammer and had to be kept alive by machines? You remember!

Buddy: I never said anything like that, Mom.

Mr. Dionosopolis: Oh, yeahh.. you remember, don’t you? It was that one day, remember? You weren’t asking yourself, you were real strange.. I thought, “Gee, that’s not like Buddy, wants to die like that..” But I figured, what the heck, okay! You said it, though! You said, it, you just forgot!

Buddy: [ laughing ] I probably forgot about it!

Mr. Dionosopolis: Well, buddy, do you fell good enough to go home?

Buddy: [ excited ] Yeah, that would be just great!

Mrs. Dionosopolis: Alright. I’ll fix you a nice big lunch!

Mr. Dionosopolis: And we’ll go hunting first thing next week, okay? [ turns to Doctor ] Thanks a lot, Doctor! Thanks for almost killing little Buddy!

[ family exits hospital room ]

Doctor: Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me!

[ fade to black ]

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