SNL Transcripts: Broderick Crawford: 03/19/77: Broderick Crawford’s Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 16

76p: Broderick Crawford / Levon Helm & The RCO All-Stars, The Meters

Broderick Crawford’s Monologue

… Broderick Crawford

Don Pardo V/O: Ladies and gentlemen, BroderickCrawford!

[The elderly, overweight, balding, avuncular, andbeloved character actor walks to a comfortable chairat Home Base and sits.]

Broderick Crawford: Well, thank you, thank youvery much. As a very old and dear and rather rotundfriend like myself used to say, “How sweet it is!” …You know, it’s been a long time since I been back inthis studio. Thirty-seven years, to be exact. That wasback in the days of radio. Some great radio shows cameout of here. And when television came in, greattelevision, great music.

I worked for NBC thirty-seven years ago. I was workingon a play over on Broadway, the Music Box Theater,Forty-Fifth Street. And, in those days, you didn’t getvery much bread – you kind o’ had to work for theminimum. And so we supplemented our income by doin’ alot o’ radio. And I had small part in a radio serieshere. And, one day, after the matinee, I came out ofthe Music Box Theater and I had to be here at NBC butI couldn’t find a taxi. So I started to run. So I hadmy script in my hand and I ran like mad. I flewthrough Security down– They didn’t know what I was. Ijust went right by them. Then I came up to the thirdfloor and I went into 3-B. I didn’t notice the lightwas on, saying “On the Air.” I had my script in myhand and I waved it to the producer in the controlroom and pointed to it. He came out and said to me,”Wrong studio. [points] You’re two down the hall.” …

So, out I go again. I saw the light, “On the Air.”Well, I walked in, script in my hand and pointed. Andjust as I was waving to the producer to come out, Iheard somebody reading my lines. So there was nothingI could do but sit down and wait until the show wasover. Well, I waited. The producer came out. I didn’tlike the look on his face but he came out. And Istarted to say, “I’m sorr–” And he said, “You’refired.” Well, that’s a pretty terrible feeling. Butnow I’m very happy that, after forty years, NBC isgiving me another chance. … [applause]

And, please, cross your fingers and hope I don’t blowit this time. … Well, all right, I tell you what I’mgonna do. I’m gonna sit back and enjoy the show. Andwhy don’t you do that, too? All of us, justenjoy.

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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