March 26th, 1977
Bob Van Ry
Marilyn Suzanne Miller
John’s DemandsSummary: Having not been given the opportunity to open the show until now, John Belushi holds the sketch hostage and requests that a list of his demands be met before he says the opening line.
Jack Burns’ MonologueSummary: Jack Burns fulfills the desire to touch himself on national television.
The Farbers Meet The ConeheadsSummary: Larry (John Belushi) and Bobbi Farber (Gilda Radner) invite their new neighbors, The Coneheads, over for dinner.
Recurring Characters: Larry Farber, Bobbi Farber, Beldar Conehead, Prymaat Conehead, Connie Conehead.
Santana performs “Black Magic Woman”
Marine WeddingSummary: Marine Sergeant Wee Boyd (Dan Aykroyd) and his bride, Private Kathleen Lizetti (Jane Curtin), endure a military wedding service.
A Town Without PitySummary: Eliot Ness (Dan Aykroyd) is called in to take India from Indira Gandhi’s (Laraine Newman) hands, as is the will of the people
Recurring Characters: Indira Gandhi, Eliot Ness.
Weekend Update with Jane CurtinSummary: Jane Curtin invites a cardboard cutout of Harry Reasoner to join her at the Weekend Update desk. Jane announces this year’s Oscar winners based on results stolen from the Price-Waterhouse accounting firm.
Leech-Tab 100Summary: A pharmicist (Dan Aykroyd) prescribes leeches as the old-fashioned headache remedy.
The Story Of The SquattersSummary: Early American crouchers settle the frontier for their clan.
Executive SuicideSummary: A sketch about a business executive (Jack Burns) who commits suicide is ruined when Jack Burns forgets to duck after jumping through the window.
Recurring Characters: Sherry.
Jack Burns is RockySummary: Jack Burns trains to be like “Rocky”, in a film by Gary Weis.
Ask Big DaddySummary: As a follow-up to “Ask President Carter”, Walter Cronkite (Bill Murray) interviews Idi Amin (Garrett Morris), who is quiet about a recent massacre.
Recurring Characters: Walter Cronkite, Idi Amin.
MirageSummary: In a short film, a vending machine appears in the desert.
PantygramsSummary: Richardo Montalban (Dan Aykroyd) endorses the underwear message service.
Recurring Characters: Richardo Montalban.
Santana performs “Europa”
Drunk Comedy WriterSummary: Gilda Radner and Jane Curtin meet washed-up comedy writer Gags Beasley (Jack Burns) in a bar, and listen to some of his stale jokes.