Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 2: Episode 18
76r: Julian Bond / Tom Waits, Brick
An Oval Office
President Jimmy Carter…..Dan Aykroyd
Amy Carter…..Laraine Newman
Andrew Young…..Garrett Morris
…..Sen. Julian Bond
[ open on art card: “An Oval Office” ]
[ dissolve to interior, Oval Office ]
[ President Jimmy Carter sits at his desk, swamped with paperwork, as Amy Carter sits Indian-style on the floor singing to a Negro rag doll ]
President Jimmy Carter: Amy, dear — would you mind, uh, going to play someplace else? Daddy has a lot of work to do here, okay?
Amy Carter: Ohhh… [ she stands and approaches the desk ] Alright, I’ll go somewhere else. [ pouting ] It’s always United States FIRST, and Amy SECOND!
President Jimmy Carter: Well, I’m sorry, Amy, maybe we can… do something tomorrow.
Amy Carter: Well, you promised last November to take me to see “King Kong”!
President Jimmy Carter: I’ll do a study on it — I need more time.
Amy Carter: You made HUNDREDS of promises, and you hardly kepy ANY!
President Jimmy Carter: Come on, Amy! I’ve only been President for three months. Now, skeedaddle, willya?
Amy Carter: Okay. But I hope we don’t go through this six months from now!
[ the intercom buzzes ]
President Jimmy Carter: Hello?
Secretary’s Voice: United Nations ambassador Andrew Young and Georgia legislator Julian Bond are here, and would like to talk to you.
President Jimmy Carter: Well, send them right in! This is an open White House! [ turns to Amy ] Okay, Amy — why don’t you take your little black golliwog doll out the back way?
Amy Carter: Okay.
[ Amy exits the Oval Office from a side door, as Carter adjusts his cardigan and greets his guests ]
President Jimmy Carter: Well, hi! Welcome to the White House! Andy! What’s happenin’?
[ Carter and Andrew Young slap skin together ]
Andrew Young: Hi, Jimmy! Look, uh — I know you remember Julian from your days as governor, and I knew you’d want to give him some time. He was in my office.
President Jimmy Carter: Hi, how are you? [ shakes Bond’s hand ] It’s always good to see somebody from Georgia! How are things down there in the Peach State?
Sen. Julian Bond: The pits, Mr. President.
President Jimmy Carter: Please! Call me “Jimmy”, Julian! [ gives bond a bear hug ] I know — I know back in Georgia we had some disagreements, but now — well, I’m here in the Oval Office, and I’d like to give you a piece of my time, so… whatever you got to say, go ahead!
Sen. Julian Bond: Well, uh, uh, Jimmy — all I wanted to say is, you’ve spent so much time being concerned about the human rights of people in other countries, I think it’s about time you began to worry about the human rights of people right here in your OWN country.
President Jimmy Carter: You know… I’m glad you said that. I’m glad that SOMEBODY is finally picking up the ball onhuman rights, after I started it rolling. You know? [ Bond stands silent, as Young grins shamelessly ] Have I ever shown you the house I grew up in?
Andrew Young: Uh, yes… you sure —
President Jimmy Carter: Come on over here! [ leads the men to a portrait of a log cabin ] It was an authentic log cabin with no running water, and authentic, real Lincoln logs. And it had —
Andrew Young: [ interrupting ] Yeah, yeah, yeah… You know what, Jimmy? Last November, you got the Black vote, now, because you promised, uh, aid to the cities and better housing… you know?
President Jimmy Carter: Mmm-hmm. I know about better housing. That’s a problem I can relate to. Because, in the first years of my life, you see, my family and I… [ he picks up a model replica of a lean-to ] we lived in this little peanut shell lean-to here. It’s made entirely out of peanut shell. [ he puts the model down ] Did I ever tell you, gentlemen, that my Mother, Lillian, once touched a leper? [ he stretches his arms out to grab both men’s shoulders ]
Andrew Young: Uh — uh — yes, Jimmy, you did tell me that.
[ Carter returns to his desk ]
President Jimmy Carter: Hey, you know what? We’re having a… showing of the American Film Archives tonight, and we’re showing “The Golddiggers of 1932”. Maybe you’d like to come along and see it?
Andrew Young: Ohhh…
Sen. Julian Bond: I don’t know that film.
Andrew Young: Me, either.
President Jimmy Carter: “Golddiggers of 1932”. Does the name… “Ruby Keeller” strike a familiar note? [ both men remain silent, so Carter chuckles ] A little sense of humor! You know, I’m trying to… keep jokes in the White House, you know?
Sen. Julian Bond: Well, we, uh, appreciate it a great deal, Mr. President, but… you promised to imclude more Minority Cabinet members. Well, the Ford administration had ONE Black, and you’ve got just one Black: Patricia Harris.
President Jimmy Carter: Now, hold it a minute! You count Andy here, I’ve got TWO!
Andrew Young: Uh — Jimmy, I’m not really in the Cabinet. [ taps Bond’s arm ] BUT… Julian… I am important around here, and I get to SAY… almost anything I want.
Sen. Julian Bond: [ to Carter ] Well… you promised to appoint more women to the Cabinet. Ford had one woman, and you’ve got one woman: and, again, it’s Patricia Harris.
President Jimmy Carter: [ nods solemnly, then, changing the subject: ] Gentlemen, have I ever shown you this? [ looks down ] You know, when we very young, we didn’t have a place to live, really, and, uh… my parents kept me in this show box here. [ he lifts up a shoe box and removes the lid ]
Andrew Young: Yes, Jimmy! You showed me that — you showed me that before!
Sen. Julian Bond: Mr. President! Please! Can we get down to some —
President Jimmy Carter: Hey, please! Come on! [ wraps his arm around Bond’s shoulder ] Call me “Jimmy”, Julian! Please! Call me “Jimmy”! [ his intercom buzzes ] Hello?
Secretary’s Voice: Mr. President, the National Security Council is waiting for you.
President Jimmy Carter: Okay, tell them I’ll be right there! [ to his guests ] Gentlemen, I’m convening on the National Security Council because we’ve just had word of a flagrant violation of human rights. It seems there’s this Turkish sailor — he’s in a prison in Paraguay, and, uh… we have reason to believe that he’s being underfed. So, I think, with the help of the American Cabinet, the President of the American people, and the influence of Coca-Cola and Paraguay… we should be able to do something about it! Thank you, gentlemen, thank you very much for coming by! [ as he heads for the door ] Come by and see me any time, it’s always nice to see ya’!
[ Carter exits the Oval Office ]
Andrew Young: You see that? You see, Julian? I TOLD you: the man really cares!
Sen. Julian Bond: [ in an Amos tone ] He sure do, Andy!
[ pull back from set for wide studio shot, with SUPER: “Coming up Next… Is Television The Dead Sea Scroll Of The Future?” ]
[ fade ]
