Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 2: Episode 18
Little Girl…..Gilda Radner
Voice of Soupman…..Bill Murray
[ open on Little Girl at table eating soup ]
Voice of Soupman: [ from off screen ] Hey, kid.
Little Girl: What?
Voice of Soupman: What’s that you’re eating?
Little Girl: Soup.
Voice of Soupman: Yeah, but what kind of soup?
Little Girl: Vegetable soup.
Voice of Soupman: What kind of vegetable soup?
Little Girl: Aunt Jane Creeley’s Vegetable soup.
Voice of Soupman: Of course it is. And do you know what goes into Aunt Jane Creeley’s Vegetable soup?
Little Girl: Vegetables.
Voice of Soupman: That’s right, kid. Aunt Jane’s home grown vegetables. Tomatoes, peas, carrots, green beans, mushrooms, potatoes, and corn. There’s seven in all. Count them.[ Little Girl takes out some of the vegetables in her soup, puts them on the table, and counts them ]
Little Girl: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.
Voice of Soupman: You really like that soup, don’t you?
Little Girl: Uh-huh. More than anything in the whole wide world!
Voice of Soupman: Okay. I’ll give you a brand-new doll for that soup.
Little Girl: No.
Voice of Soupman: All right. How about a brand-new doll and a bicycle?
Little Girl: Uh-uh.
Voice of Soupman: All right. How about a brand-new doll, a bicycle, and tickets to the circus?
Little Girl: [ thinks for a moment ] No! Leave me alone! I’m eating!
Voice of Soupman: You really love your that soup, don’t you?
Little Girl: Mm-hmm.
Voice of Soupman: You see those little pieces of corn in there?
Little Girl: Yeah?
Voice of Soupman: Well take them out and stuff them into your nose.
Little Girl: [ puzzled at being asked ] Why?
Voice of Soupman: Because the Soupman says so.[ Little Girl picks corn out of the soup and sticks them in her nose ]
Little Girl: It hurts!
Voice of Soupman: [ laughs wickedly ] Well, in that case you better take some hot soup and pour it all over your nose.
Little Girl: [ shocked again ] Why?
Voice of Soupman: Because there’s nothing better for a stuffy nose than nice, hot soup.
Little Girl: Why?
Voice of Soupman: Because the Soupman says so.[ Little Girl painfully does as told, pouring the bowl of soup over her nose. Then, she puts down the bowl and tries to eat whatever soup remains in the bowl ]
Announcer: [ reading slogan on screen ] Creeley’s Soup. The child handler.[ fade to black ] [ fade up on audience wide shot, zoom in on woman with SUPER: “Has Every Known Annoying Habit” ] [ fade ]
Submitted by: Tony DuMont