SNL Transcripts: Julian Bond: 04/09/77: Emily Litella in Love


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 18

76r: Julian Bond / Tom Waits, Brick

Emily Litella in Love

Emily Litella…..Gilda Radner
…..Jane Curtin

[ open on Emily Litella sitting in the locker room plucking the petals off of a daisy ]

Emily Litella: He loves me… he loves me not…

[ Jane Curtin enters and sits ]

Jane Curtin: Hi, Emily!

Emily Litella: Ohhh!! Oh, Jane, you scared me! I thought it was one of the boys trying to sneaking into the dressing room and get a look at my panties!

Jane Curtin: Emily, are you okay?

Emily Litella: Oh, Jane… can I confide in you?

Jane Curtin: Woman to woman?

Emily Litella: Yes. [ beaming ] I’ve just met this LOVELY man, and — and he’s really got the BEST of me!

Jane Curtin: [ chuckles pleasantly ] Emily! You and a man? That’s incredible!

Emily Litella: [ annoyed ] What’s so incredible about it?!!

Jane Curtin: Well… nothing, I — I just thought that you were past that, you know —

Emily Litella: Just because a woman’s over 40 doesn’t mean she can’t get HOT! What’s the matter with you?!

Jane Curtin: I didn’t mean anything by it. Oh, by the way — have you prepared anything for tonight’s “Weekend Update”?

Emily Litella: Oh, Jane, I was meaning to speak to you about that. No! I haven’t — I can’t think of anything to talk about.

Jane Curtin: Emily, “Update” goes on in a half an hour!

Emily Litella: Well, I know, but, you see, I have other things on my mind.

Jane Curtin: Like what?

Emily Litella: Love.

Jane Curtin: Oh, that’s terrific, Emily. But it stil doesn’t solve my “Update” problem.

Emily Litella: But, Jane, don’t you understand? I’m in LOVE! All I can do is THINK about him! I’m HOT! Red Hot! I mean… you can melt BUTTER all over prts of my body! I mean, my heart’s beating in places it’s never beaten before!

Jane Curtin: Okay, okay, okay…

Emily Litella: But, Jane, you see, this man really brings out the ANIMAL in me! I mean… [ singing ] “He makes me feel… He makes me feel… He makes me feel like a nat-ion-al woman!”

Jane Curtin: “Natural”.

Emily Litella: [ still singing ] “Oh, baby! Whatcha gonna beeee…?”

Jane Curtin: Emily.

Emily Litella: [ still singing ] “Makes me feel so good..!”

Jane Curtin: Emily!

Emily Litella: [ still singing ] “Oh, I…”

Jane Curtin: EMILY!!!

Emily Litella: What?!

Jane Curtin: [ solemnly ] “He makes me feel… like a natural woman.” Not “national” — “natural”.

Emily Litella: Ohhhhh. I must have gotten carried away. Oh.

Jane Curtin: I suppose now you’re gonna say “Never mind.”

Emily Litella: Oh, no.

Jane Curtin: What, then?

Emily Litella: I’m gonna say… “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night”!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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