Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 2: Episode 18
Emily Litella in Love
Emily Litella…..Gilda Radner
[ open on Emily Litella sitting in the locker room plucking the petals off of a daisy ]
Emily Litella: He loves me… he loves me not…[ Jane Curtin enters and sits ]
Jane Curtin: Hi, Emily!
Emily Litella: Ohhh!! Oh, Jane, you scared me! I thought it was one of the boys trying to sneaking into the dressing room and get a look at my panties!
Jane Curtin: Emily, are you okay?
Emily Litella: Oh, Jane… can I confide in you?
Jane Curtin: Woman to woman?
Emily Litella: Yes. [ beaming ] I’ve just met this LOVELY man, and — and he’s really got the BEST of me!
Jane Curtin: [ chuckles pleasantly ] Emily! You and a man? That’s incredible!
Emily Litella: [ annoyed ] What’s so incredible about it?!!
Jane Curtin: Well… nothing, I — I just thought that you were past that, you know —
Emily Litella: Just because a woman’s over 40 doesn’t mean she can’t get HOT! What’s the matter with you?!
Jane Curtin: I didn’t mean anything by it. Oh, by the way — have you prepared anything for tonight’s “Weekend Update”?
Emily Litella: Oh, Jane, I was meaning to speak to you about that. No! I haven’t — I can’t think of anything to talk about.
Jane Curtin: Emily, “Update” goes on in a half an hour!
Emily Litella: Well, I know, but, you see, I have other things on my mind.
Jane Curtin: Like what?
Emily Litella: Love.
Jane Curtin: Oh, that’s terrific, Emily. But it stil doesn’t solve my “Update” problem.
Emily Litella: But, Jane, don’t you understand? I’m in LOVE! All I can do is THINK about him! I’m HOT! Red Hot! I mean… you can melt BUTTER all over prts of my body! I mean, my heart’s beating in places it’s never beaten before!
Jane Curtin: Okay, okay, okay…
Emily Litella: But, Jane, you see, this man really brings out the ANIMAL in me! I mean… [ singing ] “He makes me feel… He makes me feel… He makes me feel like a nat-ion-al woman!”
Jane Curtin: “Natural”.
Emily Litella: [ still singing ] “Oh, baby! Whatcha gonna beeee…?”
Jane Curtin: Emily.
Emily Litella: [ still singing ] “Makes me feel so good..!”
Jane Curtin: Emily!
Emily Litella: [ still singing ] “Oh, I…”
Jane Curtin: EMILY!!!
Emily Litella: What?!
Jane Curtin: [ solemnly ] “He makes me feel… like a natural woman.” Not “national” — “natural”.
Emily Litella: Ohhhhh. I must have gotten carried away. Oh.
Jane Curtin: I suppose now you’re gonna say “Never mind.”
Emily Litella: Oh, no.
Jane Curtin: What, then?
Emily Litella: I’m gonna say… “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night”!