SNL Transcripts: Elliot Gould: 04/16/77: You’ve Come A Long Way, Buddy


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 19

76s: Elliot Gould / The McGarrigle Sisters, Roslyn Kind

You’ve Come A Long Way, Buddy

Craig…..Elliot Gould
Ted Meyers…..Dan Aykroyd
Bob Lewis…..Garrett Morris
Roy Matthews…..Bill Murray
Sam Montgomery…..John Belushi

[ Music Open: Beetoven ]

Craig: Good afternoon, and welcome to “You’ve Come A Long WAy, Buddy”, the show for men, by men. We have an all-male staff; our researchers are men, our writers, the producer, even the cameramen are men. Today we have with us.. [ show Roy Matthews ] ..Roy Matthews, of the National Organization of Men.. [ show Bob Lewis ] ..Bob Lewis, of the Black Young Men’s Recreational Center.. [ show Sam Montgomery ] ..Sam Montgomery, who has started a rape hotline.. [ show Ted Meyers ] ..and Ted Meyers, who’s brought with him some paintings, painted by men artists, which are currently on exhibit at the Brothers’ Art Collective Gallery, and we’ve decorated our set with some of these paintings by men.

Ted Meyers: That’s right, Craig. Many men are discouraged as boys from engaging in the arts. They’re called sissies, or other names, and they’re not told about the contribution made by men artists. And at the Brothers’ Collective Art Gallery, we display only art that was made by men.

Craig: Perhaps you could tell us about some of the paintings, Ted.

Ted Meyers: Sure thing, Craig. [ points to van Gogh’s self-portrait ] This is a painting by Vincent van Gogh, a Dutch painter of the nineteenth century, who used colors in a unique way, and influenced many artists. And he was a man.

Craig: Very nice.

Ted Meyers: [ points to “The Last Supper ] This one os by Leonardo Di Vinci. He lived in Italy, and he was very talented in other areas as well, Craig. And he was a man.

Craig: Well, he certainly was a good painter.

Ted Meyers: [ points to Picasso’s “Guernica” ] And this is byPablo Picasso, a modern artist from Spain, who was very original, as you can see. And he was a man.

Craig: Well, thank you, Ted, for bringing these terrific paintings. I think that men in New York should be sure to go down to the Brothers’ Art Collective Gallery. Women, too!

Ted Meyers: That’s right, Craig. Women can enjoy men’s art as well. Also, by the way, Craig, at the gallery, we pipe in music that has been composed by men. And you can enjoy men’s music while enjoying the men’s art.

Craig: Yes, the music we played at the top of the show was from your gallery.

Ted Meyers: hat’s right, that was by Ludwig von Beetoven, an eighteenth century male composer.

Craig: Very nice music, Ted. Thank you.

Ted Meyers: You know, the best chefs in the world are men.

Craig: That’s right, Ted, we had several on the show last week. Now, Bob Lewis, you work up in Harlem wih Black men and boys and deal with their special problems.

Bob Lewis: That’s right, Criag. The Black man has kind of a double negative working against him. He’s Black, and he’s a man. Thee Black man very often is isolated. In Harlem, a Black man leaves his woman and kids for two years, maybe even only one, and very often the family will have moved and be gone when he comes back. The loss of family is a big problem.

Craig: What kind of work do you do with Black young men?

Bob Lewis: Well, the Black young man has kind of a triple negative working against him. He’s Black, he’s young..

Craig: ..and he’s a man.

Bob Lewis: Exactly. Now, the unemployment rate is very high for young Black men, and they have nothing to do, very often, but get in trouble. Now, what we’re doing up in Harlem with the Black Young Man’s Recreational Center is try to give them something to keep their minds and bodies active.

Craig: And what is that, Bob?

Bob Lewis: We’ve started an all male, all-Black basketball league.

Craig: Remember, you heard it first on this show.

Bob Lewis: But we are in need of money, Craig. We have no building, and we have to wait our turn on public courts and play pick-up games.

Craig: Well, good luck to you, Bob.

Bob Lewis: Thanks, CRaig.

Craig: Seated on your right is Roy Matthews from the National Organization of Men (N.O.O.M.), and they’ve opened a bar in New York. Now, is this a bar just for men, Roy?

Roy Matthews: [ amused ] Ah, no, Craig. This is a bar for men and women who are tired of the singles bar scene in New York. You see, the average guy can’t go into a bar and strike up a conversation with an intelligent-looking woman without the woman thinking that the guy is trying to pick her up. This makes it hard for a guy to meet a girl who doesn’t just want to go to bed with him.

Craig: But you’ve created a different atmosphere in your Not Just a.. what is the name of it?

Roy Matthews: Not Just A Meat Rack Bar. It’s a place where men and women can just get together and talk with each other.

Craig: That’s a great idea. How’s it working?

Roy Matthews: Well, unfortunately, we’re having trouble getting women to come in. Evidently, they don’t believe us. So, to attract women, we’re giving them free drinks at happy hour.

Craig: Sounds like a good deal. Good luck to you, Bob.

Roy Matthews: Thanks, Craig.

Craig: Our last guest is Sam Montgomery, who, I understand, has started a twenty-four hour rape hotline.

Sam Montgomery: That’s right, Craig. Almost invariably, a man is very upset after he’s committed a rape, and we give the rapist an opportunity to talk to someone who understands what he’s gone through.

Craig: Do you encourage the rapist to go to the police?

Sam Montgomery: Yes, of course. A big reason why there are so many rapes is that rapists very often do not go to the police.

Craig: Why not?

Sam Montgomery: Well, the police treat the rapist with disrespect; they arrest him; the police psychiatrists, who are often women, ask him embarrassing questions. It’s a humiliating experience.

Craig: I think it’s marvelous what you’re doing. And I believe we have a number the rapist can call twenty-four hours a day..

[ SUPER: “Rape-Rap” ]

There it is. Rape-Rap. 5555-3355.

Sam Montgomery: We’d like to thank the phone company for cooperating by giving us that phone number.

Craig: [ to camera ] So, if you’ve raped someone in the last few days, why don’t you give that number a call?

Sam Montgomery: It’s completely anonymous. And we see that the name is not printed in the paper. Very often, to be known as a rapist is a social stigma, and it can ruin a man’s life.

Craig: And good luck to you, Sam.

Sam Montgomery: Thank you, Craig.

Craig: We’ve run out of time. Thanks, men. Tune in tomorrow, when Mayor Beame talks about micing marriage and a career.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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