SNL Transcripts: Eric Idle: 04/23/77: Irish Interrogation


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 20

76t: Eric Idle / Alan Price, Neil Innes

Irish Interrogation

Soldier ….. Eric Idle
Prisoner ….. Bill Murray

[A dungeon. A British SOLDIER is pacing across the room, trying to interrogate an Irish PRISONER who sits tied to a chair next to a table with two potatoes, an electrode machine and a French fry slicer.]

Soldier: Tell me what I want to hear!

Prisoner: You gets nothing from me, you English swill!

Soldier: [persuasive] Look, be reasonable, mate, just answer those three questions, I’ll give you a cigarette, I’ll give you some food, a big brimming bowl full of Lucky Charms, wouldn’t that be nice?

Prisoner: You’re wastin’ your time, slimey Lime!

Soldier: [slaps prisoner on the face] That’s “Limey slime,” you uneducated hick scum! Very well, I didn’t want to do this … but you leave me no choice. In direct violation of all civilized moral codes, I am now going to attach these electrodes … to your potatoes! [does so] And then turn the crank on this field generator! Now, you ignorant bog-hopper, start singing! [turns the crank]

Prisoner: [starts singing while feeling the torture of the potatoes as if they’re his nipples] When Irish eyes are smilin’, you’re – duh-aaaAAAAAAAAAAAAHH God bless youuuuuuuuuu, and keep youuuuuuuu, Mother MacreeeEEEeee!

Soldier: I see this is getting us nowhere. You’ve forced my hand. Unless you tell me the answers to these three questions, I’m going to turn your potatoes … into French fries! [places a potato in the French fry slicer] You’ve got ten seconds! TEN, NINE, [head shot of prisoner] EIGHT, SEVEN, [close-up of the potato in the slicer] SIX, [head shot of prisoner as he shakes his head no] FIVE, FOUR, [head shot of soldier] THREE, [head shot of prisoner] TWO, ONE [close-up of the potato in the slicer] …

Prisoner: All right, all right! I’ll tell yeh. [sighs of relief]

Soldier: [walks up to prisoner] All right. One: is the bomb live or diffused? Two: what city was it mailed from? And three: when will it go off?

Prisoner: [still recovering from the shock] Live … from New York … it’s Saturday Night.

Submitted by: The G Man

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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