Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 2: Episode 22
Rhonda Weiss’ Bridal Shower
Rhonda Weiss…..Gilda Radner
Guests…..Anne Beatts, Marilyn Suzanne Miller, Rosie Shuster
[ open on bridal shower atmosphere ]
Girls: [ singing ]“Happy Engagement, dear Rhonda!!
Happy Engagement to you!!”Yaaayyyyyyy!!!!
Rhonda Weiss: Oh, you guys, this is really incredible! I mean, you are really the best in the whole world! We are talking MAJOR niceness of life! Really major!
Barbara: Rhonda… Joycey and I are your best friends. We love you, and if you think that we’d let your engagement go by with NO shower… well, forget it! No way! We’re serious! Come on, really! No kidding! Honest to God!
Joycey: Now, listen. Okay, it’s a kitchen shower, everybody. And, don’t worry, everybody knows that your colors are burnt orange and tapioca!
Barbara: Now, I’m going to make a bouquet of ALL your ribbons, and Joycey is going to make a list of everything you saiy when you open your presents, and THAT’LL be what you say on your wedding night, okay?
Rhonda Weiss: [ cheerfully ] Oh, you guys are so GREAT! Really, really, you are!
Barbara: Okay! [ picks up a gift ] The first one is from Joanne Pearlstein. I’ll just take the ribbon.
Rhonda Weiss: [ takes the gift ] Oh, thank you, Joanne! I-I know I don’t know what it is yet, but I’m sure I’ll really like it! Thank you! [ she opens the gift and screams with delight along with her friends ] Oh, a melon baller.
Barbara: Ohhhh, isn’t that thoughtful!
Joycey: How WONDERFUL!!
Rhonda Weiss: Oh, you know — I mean, like, when — when you don’t have any melon, and, uh — and — and you — then you don’t want it in balls, you know? You don’t mind that you don’t have a melon baller. But if you DO have melon, and you want it balled, and you don’t have a melon baller, you — then you really wish that you had a melon — [ to Barbara ] Am I right?
Barbara: Absolutely! Absolutely!
Barbara: I mean, I know. Because, before I had my melon baller, I went without having my melon in balls for a REALLY long time!
Joycey: Me, too!
Joanne: I did, too!
Rhonda Weiss: Oh, thank you, Joanne!
Barbara: [ picks up a gift ] Okay, this one is from Rachel.
Rhonda Weiss: Oh, thank you, Rachel! I know I don’t know what it is yet, but I’m sure I’ll really like it! Thank you! [ she opens the gift and screams with delight along with her friends ] Oh, an egg tweezer! Oh, you know, this is the kind of thing that you always really want, but you never buy for yourself.
Joycey: Yes, it is! Like, before I had my egg tweezer, I didn’t really miss it. But, now that I have one, I couldn’t live without it!
Barbara: It’s so true! I enjoyed mine so much that, every time I tweeze an egg, I think of the person who gave it to me!
Rhonda Weiss: Oh, thank you, Rachel!
Barbara: Cute paper, Rachel!
Joycey: Good card!
Barbara: Cute ribbon! Good curling!
Barbara: Oh! This one! This one is from Eileen Freelander!
Rhonda Weiss: Oh, thank you, Eileen! I-I know I don’t know what it is yet, but I’m sure I’ll really like it! Oh, look! [ she opens the gift and screams with delight along with her friends ] Oh, it’s an apron! It’s an apron, and it says “For This I Went To College?”
Joycey: Oh, that’s cute! That’s cute!
Rhonda Weiss: Oh, you guys, this is the BEST bridal shower a person ever had — except for the one my cousin Judy gave me last Saturday.
Barbara: Okay, well, now it’s time for the surprise!
Rhonda Weiss: Surprise? What do you mean? What could it be?
Joycey: You’ll see!
Rhonda Weiss: Oh, I don’t want anything else. No, this is enough. Really. [ Barbara brings in a large, oversized gift ] Oh, no! Oh, God! What is it?
Barbara: It’s a combination blender-microwave oven-yogurt maker-waffle iron and vegetable steamer.
Joycey: From Louise and I, with L-U-V!
Rhonda Weiss: [ holding back the tears ] I — I mean — like — like this is the — like — like — I mean, this is what I want to — like — all I can say is, I have only wanted this… since I saw it last September in Bloomingdale’s Houseware Sale catalog. May I die if I am lying. I mean, I was willing to give up my Going Away dress to get this. Please, God, if I am lying, may I accidentally swallow my cotnact lenses when I am washing them in my mouth.[ Barbara and Joycey hug Rhonda ] [ hands Rhonda a bouquet ] Here’s your ribbon bouquet to carry down the aisle for your rehearsal.
Joycey: Okay, and here’s what you’ll say on your wedding night: “Thank you. I don’t know what it is yet, but I’m really sure I’ll like it!” [ all the girls shriek with joy ]
Rhonda Weiss: [ in tears ] Thank you… thank you, everybody. I — I just want to say that I — that I hope that you’ll be able to meet very nice criminal lawyers named Barry Leibowitz in your futures. [ the girls “Awwww!” ] Thank you.[ camera pulls back to studio wide shot, with SUPER: “Coming Up Next… Reincarnation — Just Another Rerun?” ] [ fade ]