Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 2: Mardi Gras Special
Cemeteries
[ open passenger window point-of-view as Gary Weis drives through an above-ground cemetery ]
[ dissolve to a painter adding a fresh coat of white paint to one of the above-ground tombs ]
Painter: [ the audio is off at first ] — for nothin’, some of ’em. We ain’t even paid a nickel for ’em. But,since things are so rough on the graveyard now, I gotta charge that fee. I can’t do it for nothin’ no more. It’s one of those things. I guess ’cause paint costs money now, and things ain’t cheap no more, you know? But I love it out in this graveyard. People don’t talk back to you. If they talk back to you – if they talk back to you, I’m leaving! I painted tombs for a living at St. Patrick’s Cemetery – it is gone, but her husband was buried — I was on top that tomb painting, I told her, I said, “Listen, darling – if your husband talks back to me, I’m gonna leave you, the paint, brush, truck, and everything behind. I’m leaving! I’m gone!” [ chuckles ] Boy, she got a big kick out of that!
[ dissolve to the same painter now dishing on a different subject ]
Painter: Crabbing? I go crabbing – I caught a crab, twenty-five inches. He’s still hanging out — [ points his thumb backwards ] He’s in a – he’s in a bar about two days, out there on Haynes Boulevard. Louis Louis. I hang him on top the – the – the place there, the door, so everybody can see the crab. He’s got a paw so big, it’s pitiful.
[ dissolve to further in the day, the painter still talking ]
Painter: Most money I make out here, I save. Most of it, I save. [ inaudinble ] I-I-I save, and I give birthday parties every year. Give a beautiful birthday party. Put a hundred dollars on the bar – that’s for the drinks – I buy a cake, costs about thirty dollars – my birthday cake – it’s so big, you got enough cake that people take the cake home. I got a big hare in my pot – cut up, sliced. Awww, never seem to mention [?] In the bayou, we got rabbit! A friend of mine’s supposed to be Cherokee – cooked rabbit for us.
[ dissolve again to further in the day ]
Painter: Well, up on the ridge, I can’t say nothin’ about it – I love New Orleans. I been a few places, but I still think New Orleans is the best. [ audience cheers ] I tell you, they got better weather, better — everything’s better here. They got people way from out here — it’s something, it’s cold, it’s snowing, or — we ain’t got that here!
[ fade ]
