Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 1
September 24th, 1977
An Oval OfficeSummary: Bert Lance (John Belushi) uses the National Express credit card to pay for his debts.
Recurring Characters: President Jimmy Carter.
Steve Martin’s MonologueSummary: Steve Martin wants to find a tiny pair of handcuffs for his embezzling cat.
First Hosted: 76e.
Kromega IIISummary: The watch so powerful that it takes three hands to operate.
The Festrunk BrothersSummary: A pair of Czechoslavakian brothers who ran from the tanks, Jorge (Steve Martin) and Yortuk Festrunk (Dan Aykroyd) try to pick up a pair of women (Jane Curtin, Gilda Radner) playing Ping-Pong in their apartment building’s rec room.
Recurring Characters: Jorge Festrunk, Yortuk Festrunk.
Jackson Browne performs “Runnin’ on Empty”
Weekend Update with Jane Curtin & Dan AykroydSummary: Laraine Newman recaps her visit to the Mao Tse-tung death anniversary. Bill Murray reviews “The Deep”. Garrett Morris comments on the week’s sports stories. John Belushi recaps his selection for a Weekend Update scholarship fund.
Mike McMack, Defense LawyerSummary: Defense lawyer Mike McMack (Steve Martin) makes a pass at the rape victim (Gilda Radner) whose case he helped throw out of court.
Computerized ConfessionSummary: A priest (Dan Aykroyd) uses a computer to determine the penance for a man (Garrett Morris) who confesses to an adulterous relationship he has been carrying on.
Great Moments In Rock & RollSummary: Groupie Alice Sloane (Laraine Newman) recounts her brief relationship with Roy Orbison (John Belushi), of whom she only knew to stand perfectly still while singing and wearing dark shades.
Recurring Characters: Roy Orbison.
The Franken & Davis ShowSummary: Al Franken and Tom Davis play the finalists in the Mr. U.S.A. Pageant.
Recurring Characters: Anita Bryant.
Royal Deluxe IISummary: The vehicle that rides smooth enough to allow a rabbi to perform a circumcision in the back seat.
Jackson Browne performs “The Pretender”
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