SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 09/24/77: National Express Card


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 3: Episode 1

77a: Steve Martin / Jackson Browne

National Express Card

Bert Lance…..John Belushi
President Jimmy Carter…..Dan Aykroyd

[ SUPER: “An Oval Office” ]

President Jimmy Carter: You’re.. you’re my best friend. I’m gonna miss you. You know, in a way, I feel like it’s my fault you had to resign, because.. I set examples that were impossible to live with – even for someone who’s just the slightest bit corrupt. I mean, you certainly did nothing illegal. And probably nothing.. unethical. And only a few things that were really sleazy. Bert, I’m proud of you. I’m gonna miss you. [ cries, hugs Bert ] I hope you can iron out your financial difficulties when you get back to Calhoun.

[ Bert Lance turns toward the camera ]

Bert Lance: Do you remember me? I’m Bert Lance. I used to be Director of the Office of Managing the Budget. But still, a lot of people don’t recognize my face. That’s why I carry this. [ holds up card ] The National Express Card. The most honored credit card the world over. With it, I can borrow hundreds of thousands without paying interest. Whether it’s throwing a prty, financing a political campaign, or just putting up collateral for another loan. National Express gives me the credibility I need. Maybe my old friend Jimmy Carter doesn’t need one, but you and I do. The National Express Card – don’t leave office without it!

[ show image of card, with name “Bert Lance” typing across it ]

President Jimmy Carter: Well, there’s, uh, nothing else left to say.. except.. “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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