SNL Transcripts: Madeline Kahn: 10/08/77: Pocket Pal


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 3: Episode 2

77b: Madeline Kahn / Taj Mahal

Pocket Pal

Businessman…..Dan Aykroyd

[ open on businessman seated in an airplane ]

Businessman: When you fly, are you concerned by the volume of air traffic, possible oversights by air traffic controllers, the number of human errors committed by pilots, and the occasional likelihood of mid-air collisions? Well, you DON’T HAVE TO BE caught off-guard by mid-air collisions! Thanks to… Pocket Pal! [ he holds up product ] Rovco’s amazing new airborne early warning system, which ACTUALLY predicts mid-air collisions as much as TEN SECONDS before impact!

[ display circuitry ]

Inside the Pocket Pal, there are THOUSANDS of micro-processors, which electronically duplicate the sensing mechanisms of the silver-haired bat, a creature NEVER caught unaware by mid-air collision!

[ return to Businessman holding product ]

Businessman: So the next time you fly, take a Pocket Pal with you. You might not need it, but IF you do, you’ll be the FIRST to know!

[ he puts the product down, whereupon it begins to beep and whir ]

Pocket Pal: 747!

Businessman: [ panicking ] We’re gonna collide with a 747!!

[ the other passengers promptly go in a panic ]

Businessman: [ seriously, to the camera ] You may as well be the FIRST to know!

[ Businessman then joins in the panic and screams ] [ cut to product as the screams increase ]

Announcer: The Pocket Pal. The last word in personal electronic systems.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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