Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 2
The Trial of Lee Harry Oswald
Lee Harry Oswald…..Bill Murray
Pie Thrower…..John Belushi
Other Reporters…..Al Franken, Jim Downey, Tom Schiller, Alan Zweibel
[ open on announcer slide: ]
Announcer: Due to the mature subject matter of the following broadcast, parental guidance is suggested.
[ slide two: ]
Announcer: The following ABC mini-series is based upon historical fact.
[ slide three: ]
Announcer: However some of the names and events have been changed to make the program more entertaining.
[ cut to black-and-white corridor scene filled with reporters ]
[ slide three temporarily superimposes upon the screen once more, as Reporter addresses the camera ]
Reporter: In a moment —
[ slide four appears: “THE TRIAL OF LEE HARRY OSWALD” ]
[ Dan Aykroyd is momentarily flummoxed by the technical glitch ]
[ Caption: “Houston, November 1964” ]
Reporter: In a moment, Lee Harry Oswald, the man police say shot President John F. Curry, will be brought down this corridor toward a waiting car and then transported to Houston County Jail, where he will probably remain until his trial.
[ from the far end of the corridor, Oswald is led toward the reporters by a guard and a deputy ]
Reporter: Uh — there seems to be some, uh, activity now — yes! There’s Oswald now. Now, police claim that they have an airtight case against him. Oswald’s motive appears to have been jealousy — evidently, the handsome young president had been having an affair with Oswald’s wife, the beautiful Boshai ballerina, Marina Harry Oswald. Of course, uh — police have the gun — Oswald denies ANY knowledge of this. And, uh — he will be under, uh — heavy and federal state guard —
[ a man jumps from the crowd ]
Reporter: Wait! A man just jumped out the crowd — an overweight man has —
[ the man shoves a cream pie into Oswald’s face, then grins proudly at the camera as the reporters clamor ]
Lee Harry Oswald: “LIVE! FROM NEW YORK! IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!”