SNL Transcripts: Madeline Kahn: 10/08/77: The Trial of Lee Harry Oswald

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 3: Episode 2

77b: Madeline Kahn / Taj Mahal

The Trial of Lee Harry Oswald

Reporter…..Dan Aykroyd
Lee Harry Oswald…..Bill Murray
Pie Thrower…..John Belushi
Guard…..Mitchell Laurance
Deputy…..Andy Murphy
Other Reporters…..Al Franken, Jim Downey, Tom Schiller, Alan Zweibel

[ open on announcer slide: ]

Announcer: Due to the mature subject matter of the following broadcast, parental guidance is suggested.

[ slide two: ]

Announcer: The following ABC mini-series is based upon historical fact.

[ slide three: ]

Announcer: However some of the names and events have been changed to make the program more entertaining.

[ cut to black-and-white corridor scene filled with reporters ] [ slide three temporarily superimposes upon the screen once more, as Reporter addresses the camera ]

Reporter: In a moment —

[ slide four appears: “THE TRIAL OF LEE HARRY OSWALD” ] [ Dan Aykroyd is momentarily flummoxed by the technical glitch ] [ Caption: “Houston, November 1964” ]

Reporter: In a moment, Lee Harry Oswald, the man police say shot President John F. Curry, will be brought down this corridor toward a waiting car and then transported to Houston County Jail, where he will probably remain until his trial.

[ from the far end of the corridor, Oswald is led toward the reporters by a guard and a deputy ]

Reporter: Uh — there seems to be some, uh, activity now — yes! There’s Oswald now. Now, police claim that they have an airtight case against him. Oswald’s motive appears to have been jealousy — evidently, the handsome young president had been having an affair with Oswald’s wife, the beautiful Boshai ballerina, Marina Harry Oswald. Of course, uh — police have the gun — Oswald denies ANY knowledge of this. And, uh — he will be under, uh — heavy and federal state guard —

[ a man jumps from the crowd ]

Reporter: Wait! A man just jumped out the crowd — an overweight man has —

[ the man shoves a cream pie into Oswald’s face, then grins proudly at the camera as the reporters clamor ]


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