Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 3
[ open on married couple raking leaves in their backyard ]
Wife: Hi. I’m beautiful, but stupid. And I’ve found the soap that helps me stay that way. My husband says I look natural and unspoiled, and he loves the way I never bother him with my opinions. Let’s face it — good looks and complex human emotions just don’t mix. I guess that’s why I use Angora Bouquet with pH Formula 23.[ dissolve to footage of Wife washing her face, as the image makes waves ]
Wife V/O: Angora Bouquet’s thousands of tiny tranquilizers penetrate your skin to wash reality away, and make your mind and skin as clear as a baby’s. You see, Angora Bouquet actually contains methaqualone, the same tranquilzing agent that is found in those large white pills I often come across in Bill, Jr.’s jeans pockets when I do the laundry.[ dissolve back to Wife in the yard, raking leaves with the rake held upside-down ] [ her husband turns her rake over to the correct position ]
Husband: Honey, why don’t you try the other side of the rake? You can get a little more leaves that way.
Wife: I guess that’s why my soap is Angora Bouquet with pH Formula 23.[ she accidentally steps on the rake, sending it slamming into her husband’s face ]
Announcer: Angora Bouquet. Washes your brain, as well as your face.[ fade ]