Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 3
Playboy’s Party Jokes
Playboy Bunny…..Laraine Newman
[ open on Playboy Bunny standing in front of a giant copy of Playboy’s Party Jokes and a champagne glass ]
Playboy Bunny: Hi! Um.. our unabashed dictionary defines “beating around the bush” as, like, there’s this circle of percussionists, and, like, they’re sitting around this shrub, like, playing drums. And, um.. it’s really like that, only it’s funnier!
[ thinking ] Oh, I know! “There was an old man named Dave from Nantucket..” No, wait.. oh, yeah, forget it. Okay, okay, okay..
Um.. “A sailor named Rick, grew so fond of flicking his Bic. He said to his date, ‘I could guess at her weight. If your nose was a plum, I would pluck it!” [ giggles ]
Oh! Oh, I just remembered this punchline! Uh.. when they shove me in a dark cave, and make me do push-ups until I throw up!” [ giggles ]
Oh, gosh.. well, that’s all the jokes I remember.. except.. “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”