SNL Transcripts: Hugh Hefner: 10/15/77: Sex In Cinema

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 3: Episode 3

77c: Hugh Hefner / Libby Titus

Sex In Cinema

…..Hugh Hefner
Cary Grant…..Bill Murray
Katherine Hepburn…..Laraine Newman

Announcer: Welcome to the history of “Sex In Cinema”, and here’s your host, noted sex authority, Hugh Hefner.

[ open on Hugh Hefner staring at a 35mm film reel ]

Hugh Hefner: [ pulls film reel away ] Oh, hello. I’m noted sex authority, Hugh Hefner. Welcome to the history of “Sex In Cinema”. As you know, on “Saturday Night Live”, one can say anything one likes. For example, the word “penis”.

[ cut to black screen, SUPER: “PLEASE STAND BY” ]

However, there was a time when American entertainment was censored by puritanical morality. In the 1930’s and 40’s, the Hays Office placed restrictions on motion pictures, with a strict code of standards. Now, one rule of the Hayes Code stated that if a man and a woman appeared on a bed together, at least one of their four feet must remain on the floor. Tonight, we present the final scene from “The First Mrs. Kimble”, a screwball comedy starring a dashing young Cary Grant, and an irrepressible Katheriner Hepburn. Now, even though the scene techincally stayed within the letter of this “one foot on the floor” rule, it nevertheless violated the rule’s intent, and was never allowed to be seen in America. That is, until tonight.

[ black-and-white scene opens in bedroom ]

Cary Grant: But, Julie, I can’t go in this! I look ridiculous!

Katherine Hepburn: I think you look rather cute.

Cary Grant: Well, go back to the laundry and tell them I need my suit.

Katherine Hepburn: You can’t boss me around, I’m not your wife any more!

Cary Grant: Well, you are until you sign those papers. Now, go get me my suit!

Katherine Hepburn: Ah, ah, ah.

Cary Grant: Alright, I’m putting my foot down now! [ stomps his foot ] Is that alright?

Katherine Hepburn: You’re such a little boy, George Kimble. I love you.

Cary Grant: Yes, I noticed it was getting a little warmer in here. Oh, Julie, Julie.. whose idea was this, anyway, this divorce? It’s such a stupid thing, whose idea was it in the first place?

Katherine Hepburn: I think it was yours, George Kimble.

Cary Grant: [ picks Julie up in his arms ] Well, let’s just pretend I never thought of such a thing.. Mrs. Kimble. [ drops her on top of the bed ]

[ camera pans down to one of Cary Grant’s feet on the floor below the bed ]

Katherine Hepburn: Oh, George..

Cary Grant: Julie..

Katherine Hepburn: Oh, George..

Cary Grant: Julie..

Katherine Hepburn: George!

Cary Grant: Julie!

Katherine Hepburn: George!

Cary Grant: Julie!

Katherine Hepburn: George!

Cary Grant: Julie!

Katherine Hepburn: George..!

Cary Grant: Julie..!

[ Cary’s foot remains on the floor, but jumps sporadically as they go at it on top of the bed, above the camera’s view ]

Hugh Hefner: Well, maybe some things shouldn’t be allowed to be seen. Tune in next week, when the history of “Sex In Cinema” brings you the outtakes from “The Miracle Worker”.

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