Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 4
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:Bit Players:
October 29th, 1977
Charles Grodin
Paul Simon
The Persuasions
Art Garfunkel
Al Franken
Tom Davis
Alan Zweibel
Michael O’Donoghue
Neil Levy
Tom Schiller
Unprepared Charles
Summary: The cast are upset when Charles Grodin misses dress rehearsal so he can buy gifts for everyone.
Transcript
Montage
Charles Grodin’s Monologue
Summary: Charles Grodin confesses that he didn’t realize there would be an audience, and he wishes he had put more time aside to rehearse.
Transcript
Weekend Update Promo
Summary: While the rest of the world sleeps, a groggy-eyed Dan Aykroyd stays awake to prepare the next night’s news.
Transcript
Return of The Coneheads
Summary: Back on Earth in time for Halloween, The Conehead Family dispense fried egg embryos and beer to trick-or-treaters.
Recurring Characters: Beldar Conehead, Prymaat Conehead, Connie Conehead.
Transcript
Charles’ Movie
Paul Simon performs “Slip Sliding Away”
First Performed: 75b.
Consumer Probe
Summary: Irwin Mainway’s (Dan Aykroyd) unsafe Halloween costumes include the Invisible Pedestrian and Johnny Combat.
Recurring Characters: Irwin Mainway.
Transcript
The “Anyone Can Host” Contest
Summary: Bill Murray updates viewers on the contest’s progress as Michael O’Donoghue rejects entries for various minor infractions.
Transcript
Samurai Dry Cleaners
Summary: Impressed by the premise, Charles Grodin ruins John Belushi’s performance as Samurai Futaba by commenting on it throughout the sketch.
Recurring Characters: Futaba.
Transcript
Weekend Update with Jane Curtin & Dan Aykroyd
Summary: Entertainment reporter Bill Murray criticizes one-man shows for not being a real theatrical experience. Dr. Willard Jackson (Garrett Morris) shows Dan Aykroyd the bones of famous dead people.
Simon & Garfunkel
Summary: Paul Simon is vexed by Charles Grodin’s need to do a duet with him while donning an Art Garfunkel wig, which Art Garfunkel himself relinquishes.
Transcript
The Killer Bees
Summary: Thrown by the costumes, Charles Grodin ruins John Belushi’s performance as the leader of the Killer Bees and is promptly told off.
Recurring Characters: Bees.
Transcript
The Judy Miller Show
Summary: Judy Miller (Gilda Radner), an excitable little girl, hosts a talk show for herself in her bedroom.
Recurring Characters: Judy Miller.
Transcript
The Professional School of Football
Summary: Spokesman (Garrett Morris) quizzes viewers on their potential to become professional football players.
Transcript
Paul Simon performs “You’re Kind”
Hire The Incompetent
Summary: Dress rehearsal absentee Charles Grodin speaks out for the rights of other incompetent people.
Recurring Characters: Roseanne Roseannadanna.
Transcript
Goodnights
Transcript
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