Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 4
October 29th, 1977
Unprepared CharlesSummary: The cast are upset when Charles Grodin misses dress rehearsal so he can buy gifts for everyone.
Charles Grodin’s MonologueSummary: Charles Grodin confesses that he didn’t realize there would be an audience, and he wishes he had put more time aside to rehearse.
Weekend Update PromoSummary: While the rest of the world sleeps, a groggy-eyed Dan Aykroyd stays awake to prepare the next night’s news.
Return of The ConeheadsSummary: Back on Earth in time for Halloween, The Conehead Family dispense fried egg embryos and beer to trick-or-treaters.
Recurring Characters: Beldar Conehead, Prymaat Conehead, Connie Conehead.
Paul Simon performs “Slip Sliding Away”First Performed: 75b.
Consumer ProbeSummary: Irwin Mainway’s (Dan Aykroyd) unsafe Halloween costumes include the Invisible Pedestrian and Johnny Combat.
Recurring Characters: Irwin Mainway.
The “Anyone Can Host” ContestSummary: Bill Murray updates viewers on the contest’s progress as Michael O’Donoghue rejects entries for various minor infractions.
Samurai Dry CleanersSummary: Impressed by the premise, Charles Grodin ruins John Belushi’s performance as Samurai Futaba by commenting on it throughout the sketch.
Recurring Characters: Futaba.
Weekend Update with Jane Curtin & Dan AykroydSummary: Entertainment reporter Bill Murray criticizes one-man shows for not being a real theatrical experience. Dr. Willard Jackson (Garrett Morris) shows Dan Aykroyd the bones of famous dead people.
Simon & GarfunkelSummary: Paul Simon is vexed by Charles Grodin’s need to do a duet with him while donning an Art Garfunkel wig, which Art Garfunkel himself relinquishes.
The Killer BeesSummary: Thrown by the costumes, Charles Grodin ruins John Belushi’s performance as the leader of the Killer Bees and is promptly told off.
Recurring Characters: Bees.
The Judy Miller ShowSummary: Judy Miller (Gilda Radner), an excitable little girl, hosts a talk show for herself in her bedroom.
Recurring Characters: Judy Miller.
The Professional School of FootballSummary: Spokesman (Garrett Morris) quizzes viewers on their potential to become professional football players.
Paul Simon performs “You’re Kind”
Hire The IncompetentSummary: Dress rehearsal absentee Charles Grodin speaks out for the rights of other incompetent people.
Recurring Characters: Roseanne Roseannadanna.
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