SNL Transcripts: Charles Grodin: 10/29/77: The “Anyone Can Host” Contest


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 3: Episode 4

77d: Charles Grodin / Paul Simon

The “Anyone Can Host” Contest

…..Bill Murray
…..Michael O’Donoghue

[ open on Bill Murray and Michael O’Donoghue reading through the “Anyone Can Host” postcard submissions ]

Bill Murray: Hi, gang! Bill Murray here. Mr. Mike and I are hard at work.

Michael O’Donoghue: Poor penmanship… [ he tears the postcard in half ]

Bill Murray: Uh — we’re checking the entries for our “Anyone Can Host” contest. Now, many people don’t believe there’s a contest — but there IS! There really is! Really!

Michael O’Donoghue: It has smudge on the corner… [ he tears the postcard in half ]

Bill Murray: [ he groans with disgust ] And the contest deadline is November 1st. That’s Monday night at midnight, so you’ve GOTTA send these cards in! Really! [ he pounds the desk ] Now, here’s the rules: Tell us on a postcard — NOT A LETTER!! — a POSTCARD!!

Michael O’Donoghue: Uneven margins… [ he tears the postcard in half ]

Bill Murray: [ he groans with disgust ] In 25 words or less, why YOU’D like to host “Saturday Night”.

Michael O’Donoghue: Typing error. [ he tears the postcard in half ]

Bill Murray: FIVE finalists — FIVE!! — will be chosen to read their postcards on the air, November 19th. And the winner will host our Christmas show, December 17th.

Michael O’Donoghue: Oh, this is funny, Bill — let’s keep this one. [ he puts the postcard aside ]

Bill Murray: You’ll be flown out, put up a week at the Essex House, meet and party with the Not Ready For Prime Time Players, AND get paid $3,000 for it! Mike, how you coming with those postcards?

Michael O’Donoghue: [ counting ] …24, 25, 26. Whoops! This one’s one word over. I’m afraid we’re gonna have to qualify this one, Bill. [ he tears the postcard in half ]

Bill Murray: Oh, gee! Look — Lorne Michaels is willing to take a chance on an unknown, just like he did with me! Heck! This time, next year, you could have my job!

[ Mr. Mike tears another postcard in half ]

Bill Murray: All you have to do is send your postcard to this address:

[ dissolve to slide ]

“Anyone Can Host
Box 722
Radio City Station
New York, New York 10019″

Remember: Relatives or persons employed by NBC, RCA, or any of their companies are not eligible. This contest is void where prohibited by law.

[ cut back to Bill and Mr. Mike ]

Michael O’Donoghue: Unattractive stamp. [ he tears the postcard in half ]

Bill Murray: [ he groans with disgust ] Well, good luck, and I mean it! Now, get out of here! Go mail those postcards, you knucklehead! I mean it, get OUT of here! [ he tosses postcards at the camera ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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