SNL Transcripts: Charles Grodin: 10/29/77: Simon & Garfunkel


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 3: Episode 4

77d: Charles Grodin / Paul Simon

Simon & Garfunkel

…..Charles Grodin
…..Paul Simon
…..Art Garfunkel

[ open on Paul Simon strumming his guitar onstage next to Charles Grodin, who’s wearing an obvious Art Garfunkel wig ] [ Simon begins to sing “The Sound of Silence”, as Grodin clumsily tries to keep up ]

Paul Simon & Charles Grodin: [ singing ]“Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain…”

[ Simon stops playing and turns to Grodin ]

Paul Simon: Can I ask you a question?

Charles Grodin: Sure.

Paul Simon: Why are we doing this?

Charles Grodin: Well… you know, they cut my film clip way down. And I really don’t feel I have all that much to do on the show, so I-I-I-I’d really apprecia– Could we just… a little…?

[ Simon reluctantly strums his guitar and continues to sing, with Grodin struggling to keep up and get most of the words right ]

Paul Simon & Charles Grodin: [ singing ]“In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
‘Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash…”

[ Simon stops once again ]

Paul Simon: Chuck, you don’t even know the lyrics!

Charles Grodin: Well… I really — I’m learning them as we’re going.

Paul Simon: Chuck, this is live television. This is not the time to be learning.

Charles Grodin: I — I’m much more familiar with what’s coming up. Could we just, a little… a little more?

[ Simon begins to strum his guitar, but then quickly stops ]

Paul Simon: You know… and another thing — the wig! Why are you wearing this wig? It looks like an Art Garfunkel wig.

Charles Grodin: Oh, it is an Art Garfunkel wig.

Paul Simon: But why?

Charles Grodin: Well… I-I-I just thought it would help me get into it a little better.

Paul Simon: It’s very disquieting, to me, to see out of the corner of my eye, these blond, curly hairs singing this song.

Charles Grodin: Oh. [ he hangs his head in shame ]

Paul Simon: You know, Chuck, I must say this — you are a very well-known actor… you’re a director…

Charles Grodin: And writer.

Paul Simon: — You’re a writer… as well… and I don’t see why you feel that you must sing.

Charles Grodin: Well… clearly, clearly, I’ve made you uncomfortable, and I —

Paul Simon: Well, no, no…

Charles Grodin: No, and this is obviously an idea whose…

Paul Simon: Time has not come?

Charles Grodin: Has not come.

Paul Simon: Not come. No.

Charles Grodin: Well — listen, I’m sorry. You know? As the host, I should be trying to make you comfortable, and I’ve made you uncomfortable.

Paul Simon: No, that’s alright… don’t mention it. [ he unplugs his guitar ] And I think that the time you save now, could be put to much better use later on in the show.

Charles Grodin: Well…

Paul Simon: [ he stands ] So…

Charles Grodin: Thank you for putting up with me as long as you did.

Paul Simon: Oh… [ he pats Grodin on the shoulder ]

Charles Grodin: Thank you. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen — Mr. Paul Simon!

[ the audience applauds wildly as Simon walks away ]

Charles Grodin: [ to the house band ] Uh… would you hit the intro that, uh…?

[ the band strikes up “Bridge Over Troubled Water”, which Grodin sings badly off-key ]

Charles Grodin: [ singing ]“When you’re weary… feeling smallWhen tears are in… your eyes
I will dry them allWhoooooooooooo!”

Charles Grodin: Um… I’ll tell you — is that the right key? I guess it is the right key, too. Uh… could I hear that back… uh, Lorne? Could I just hear that back? I’m…

[ the vocals are played back, as Grodin listens to them carefully ]

Charles Grodin V/O: [ singing ]“When you’re weary… feeling small
When tears are in… your eyes
I will dry them all

Charles Grodin: [ glancing down the stage, surprised ] Oh… Art!

[ Art Garfunkel steps up, to thunderous applause ]

Charles Grodin: It’s great, it’s great to see you! Uh, listen, Art, I didn’t know you were here! I would never…

Art Garfunkel: What are you doing?

Charles Grodin: I… Well, see — I had a film clip in the show, and it was cut way down. I never would have done this if you…

Art Garfunkel: Chuck, hand it over!

[ Grodin sheepishly pulls off his Garfunkel wig and hands it over ]

Charles Grodin: I’m sorry. I’m sorry. i’m really sorry.

Art Garfunkel: Thanks, Chuck.

[ Garfunkel walks off the stage, as Grodin sheepishly follws him ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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