Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 4
77d: Charles Grodin / Paul Simon
Judy Miller
Judy Miller…..Gilda Radner
Judy’s Mom…..Jane Curtin
[Judy opens her door but is still facing downstairs.]
Judy: OK BUT AS SOON AS YOUR BRIDGE GAMES OVER I’M COMING DOWN STAIRS!
[Slams door. Then opens door again.]
Judy: I DIDNT MEAN TO SLAM IT!
[Slams door again. Leans agains door.]
Judy: I AM SO BORED! BECAUSE… [jumps forward] MY [jumps forward] ROOM [jumps forward and throws bag] IS [jumps forward] THE [jumps forward]BORING [jumps forward] ROOM [jumps forward] OF [jumps closer to bed] THE [jumps back on bed] WORLD!
Judy: [flings head about] this is my room and this is my house and this is my lawn and this is my lawn and my street and this is my steet and this is my town and this is my country and this is my planet earth and this is my [flings herself so her head is hanging off the side of the bed] i universe and this is my i dont know A-lalalalalala.
Judy: [gettting off bed and onto floor by stuffed animals and tea set] AND NOW ITS TIME FOR THE JUDY MILLER SHOW! [Singing] OH ITS THE SHOW OF THE WAY ITS THE SHOW OF THE DAY AND I AM IN YES I AM AND ITS THE SHOW OF YOUR LIFE ITS THE JUDY MILLER SHOW! AND NOW PRESENTING [leaps onto bed] THE STAR OF THE SHOW [jumps off bed and over to her dresser puts big white skirt on head while going “dunt dunta dunta..] THE PERSON WHO IS ALSO A BRIDE! NAMED JUDY ARLEEN MILLER! [climbs back on bed] HELLO! I AM THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD [she walks in circles on her bed while saying this] YES I AM THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRIDE THE EXPESSIALLY EVERYBODY LOVES IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD [when she says world she jumps back on to her pillow]. AND HERE COMES MY HUSBAD [picks up stuffed donkey in overalls and makes him gallop towrds her]
Judy: [speaking as stuffed animal] Would you marry me? [as self] oh [giggles] yes. [as stuffed animal] OH DARLING [she kisses the toy and rolls around on the bed while kissing it][pulls self away] AND WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS WORD FROM OUR SPONSER! [climbs down off bed, pulls the skirt off her head and moves over to stuffed animals with tea set] [grabs cracker] THIS IS THE FOOD THAT IS REALLY THE GOOD FOOD THAT IS REALLY DELISIOUS AND NUTRISIOS [stuffs cracker in stuffed animals mouth] AND IS SO SMOOTH AND CREAMY[eats cracker] MMM GOOD! HERES THE THING THAT IS SOO SMOOTH AND CREAMY THAT EVERYBODY LOVES AND SO YOU SHOULD GET IT! AND NOW BACK TO THE SHOW!
Judy: [jumps on bed] THIS IS A SHOW ABOUT A PERSON THAT IS JUMPING UP SO HIGH CAN SHE [cant hear what she says] CAN SHE TOUCH THE SKY! [stops jumping] AND NOW PRESENTING [jumps off bed and into closet where she ties a robe around her so it looks like a dress and going “dunt dunta dunta”. she comes out of her closet] PRESENTING… THE VERY BEAUTIFUL QUEEN OF FRANCE [speaks french gibirsh crawls over bed and over to the tea set] BUT WHAT THE QUEEN DOESNT KNOW IS THAT WHOS COMING IS THE VERY WICKED QUEEN OF GERMANY. QUEEN [german giberish] AND HERE SHE COMES [in german accent] I AM GOING TO KILL YOU RIGHT NOW! [gets up. as queen of france] NO NO NO NO DONT KILL MY FAMILY [leaps into door] AH! WE’LL HAVE TO RUN TO INDIA! [runs back into door] AH! WE’LL HAVE TO RUN TO FRACE! [runs back into door] NO WE’LL HAVE TO RUN TO BOLIVIA! [runs into door] NO! AH! [ext. she keep running into the door then jumps onto bed and jumps up and down] AHH!
Judy’s Mom: JUDY! WHAT IS GOING ON UP THERE?
Judy: [sits up] Nothing… [quietly goes over to tea set and wispers] this is the show about a person who is also a wonderful bunderful BALLET DANCER! [gets up and twirls around room] YES SHE IS A BALLET DANCER! DA DA DA DA DA DA!
Judy’s Mom: JUDY BE QUIET!
[Judy stops and leans over bed to her stuffed animals]
Judy: On the Judy Miller Show… the end.
[Judy falls down.]
Submitted by: Erin Nielsen
