SNL Transcripts: Charles Grodin: 10/29/77: Unprepared Charles


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 3: Episode 4

77d: Charles Grodin / Paul Simon

Unprepared Charles

…..Garrett Morris
…..Gilda Radner
…..John Belushi
…..Charles Grodin

[FADE IN on the locker room backstage, where Garrett Morris is tying his shoe next to Gilda Radner and John Belushi.]

John Belushi: [under his breath] Jeez.

Voice: [over intercom] Stand by, cast! We have two minutes to air! TWO MINUTES!

John Belushi: I don’t believe it.

Garrett Morris: Oh, John, you’re takin’ yourself too seriously, man. C’mon. Just go on and have a good show–Gilda, will you talk to him?

Gilda Radner: Yeah, right, have a good show, Garrett!

Garrett Morris: [walking off camera] All right!

Gilda Radner: See ya later.

John Belushi: [changing clothes] I dunno, Gilda. I dunno, this, this Chuck Grodin guy is really making me nervous. I mean, he’s barely here all week, and he missed dress rehearsal. That’s inexcusable, dress rehearsal!

Gilda Radner: Well, he must know what he’s doing, John. He’s a brilliant actor.

John Belushi: I know, but he doesn’t know TV, y’know, I mean… He doesn’t smoke dope, he’s just not one of us!


Gilda Radner: Well, he spends a lot of time by himself, y’know. He has a place up in Massachusetts, and then he leaves there and does a film, and then he goes back to Massachusetts.

John Belushi: Mmmm… He doesn’t know what’s going on. He’s never even seen the show…

Gilda Radner: He’s a real sweet guy and if we just help him through, then he can… [looks up] Hi, Chuck!

[ENTER Grodin with a huge black shopping bag in his hand.]

Charles Grodin: Hi, Glenda! [to John] Hi, Bungee! [reaches into bag] I gotcha some gifts. It’s an old New England tradition to give gifts.

Gilda Radner: Oh, thank you, Chuck! That’s real nice.Charles Grodin: It’s a maroon dickey. I hope you like it, Glenda.


Charles Grodin: Bungee, you’re a tough guy to shop for. Here, I got you a shaving kit. I hope you like it.

[He hands a wrapped box to Belushi.]

John Belushi: Oh. Thanks.

Voice: One minute! One minute to the monologue!

Gilda Radner: Oh, um, Chuck, have you worked on your monologue?

Charles Grodin: Monologue?

Gilda Radner: You do a monologue to open the show.

John Belushi: Yeah, a monologue. Didn’t Lorne tell you about the monologue?

Charles Grodin: Oh, he did mention something, but what with doing promotions for the show, and sightseeing, and catching up with old friends, and I’ve written a song, to express how I feel about life, that they say they’re gonna let me sing, so I really haven’t paid that much attention to it.[laughter]

John Belushi: You’ll have to go out there in less than a minute and do a monologue to make the studio audience LAUGH, y’know?

Charles Grodin: Studio audience?


Charles Grodin: I didn’t know there was an audience.

John Belushi: Well, maybe if you’d been to dress rehearsal, you’d know that there was an AUDIENCE out there!

Gilda Radner: John, John, John…

Charles Grodin: I’m sorry, y’know, the stores close at nine, it was a direct conflict with dress rehearsal.


Charles Grodin: I couldn’t very well get gifts for some of the cast and not for everyone. If I had forgotten to get a gift for Garrett… [lowers voice] I mean, can you imagine my embarrassment if I’d forgotten to get a gift for Garrett? I mean, Garrett, especially.

John Belushi: Yeah.

Gilda Radner: Well, Chuck, the gifts are really nice, but I think you should–

Charles Grodin: You like the dickey? Listen, I could give Laraine the travel alarm clock, if you would rather have that than the dickey–

Gilda Radner: No, no, no, I like the dickey.

Charles Grodin: How about you, John, would you prefer a travel alarm clock instead of the, uh, shaving kit?

John Belushi: Well, if it doesn’t make any difference…


Charles Grodin: [trades gifts] I’ll give you the alarm clock. And I could give the shaving kit to Danny, and I got a keychain for Danny that I could give to Laraine–I couldn’t give the shaving kit to Laraine. That wouldn’t be…

Gilda Radner: No.

Charles Grodin: Oh, my God, y’know, I forgot to get something for the director. You think there are any shops that are still open around here now?

John Belushi: Chuck, you can’t go to a shop, we’re doing a live SHOW. There’s no time!

Charles Grodin: Live?

John Belushi: [exasperated] Yeah, it’s “Saturday Night… LIIIIII-IIIIIIIIVE.”

Charles Grodin: Wait a second. You mean, really, live?

John Belushi: YES!

Charles Grodin: Really?

Gilda Radner: Yeah, and, like, you should be working on your monologue, ’cause you have to go out and do it in one minute.

Charles Grodin: You do this actually live?

John Belushi: [losing patience] YEEEE-EEEES! You know, like… LIVE, FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!!! [FADE to montage as Belushi mugs for the camera.]

Submitted by: Sean

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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