Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 5
No More Godfather on TV
Tom Hagen…..Bill Murray
Don Vito Corleone…..John Belushi
[ open on Tom Hagen in a dark office speaking with Don Vito Coreleone ]
Tom Hagen: — They did a lot of work on it, they spent a couple millon dollars. Now, it’s true, they showed the bad side of the family. But you came off looking really well tonight.
Don Vito Corleone: I don’t know. You know, if what they say is true, the camera really does put on ten pounds, you know? I don’t like the way we were portrayed, you know? The movie’s the one thing, but.. there’s too much violence on television. Oh, it’s a dirty business. I want no part of it. No more “Godfather” on television!
Tom Hagen: We’ll try whatever we’ve got to do. The Nielsen ratings were awfully high. It’s gonna be difficult to get them to cancel parts two, three and four. In fact, they have plans to do even more.
Don Vito Corleone: What plans?
Tom Hagen: Well, they’ve already started developing two new shows – “Godfather Knows Best”, and another thing called “The Courtship of Eddie’s Godfather.”
Don Vito Corleone: How could NBC treat me with such disrespect? [ “Godfather” theme pots up ] All I’ve done for them. When they wanted Dean Martin to star in a series, who got him for them? I did. Ah, but let’s face it – they never wanted my friendship. It’s okay, I understand – but, now, this? How can they do this to me? We made a no contract.
Tom Hagen: They didn’t have to have a contract. We have no legal recourse!
Don Vito Corleone: Ah, legal recourse. Legal recourse. We’ll go to the mattresses!
Tom Hagen: What do you suggest we do, Godfather? Make them an offer they can’t pass by?
Don Vito Corleone: Hmm.. Something like that. Let’s see. We move hard, fast. Tom – you go to NBC in Hollywood, take Clamenza with you. I want Grizzly Adams to wake up with a bear’s head on his pillow. That’ll take care of it.
Tom Hagen: Okay. How about “Saturday Night Live”?
Don Vito Corleone: Noooo. No, my grandchildren love the show, it makes them laugh. Abd there’s not enough good satire on TV these days. [ camera zooms in ] Besides.. I love it when they say, “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”