Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 5
Brother Ray Meets Mr. Mike
Written by: Michael O’Donoghue
… Ray Charles
Mr. Mike … Michael O’Donoghue
… and the entire cast
Jane, Laraine & Gilda: [singing] I can’tstop loving you
John Belushi: [slips on sunglasses, imitatesCharles, sings]
It’s useless to say
[Applause but then Belushi sings the wrong line:]To live in memory … of a lonesome time
[Belushi and Charles crack up at the error]Sing the song…
Jane, Laraine & Gilda: [singing] I can’tstop wanting you
Ray Charles: [also sings the wrong line, toapplause and much amusement from the cast]I’ve made up my mind
So I’ll just live my life
In dreams of yesterday
John Belushi: You picked up on it.
Ray Charles: Yeah, I picked up on it.
John Belushi: He picked up on it.
Ray Charles: I – I take it it’s music youlike…
[The evil Mr. Mike — a thin, bearded man in dark suitand glasses — quietly approaches the group.]John Belushi: But, you know, you sound like RayCharles but I look like him, you know.
Ray Charles: Mm hmm. I see.
John Belushi: You know “I Don’t Need NoDoctor”?
Mr. Mike: Hi, kids.
Laraine & Gilda: Oh, hi, Mr. Mike!
John Belushi: Hi, Mr. Mike!
Mr. Mike: Hey, I don’t mean to break up the funhere but we have a little surprise for Ray.
All: Ooooh! A surprise! Okay, surprise.
[The cast steps away from the piano. Mr. Mike standsnext to a painting covered with a red velvet coveringand addresses the audience.]Mr. Mike: You know, we’ve kidded Ray a lottonight but blindness is nothing to kid about. So, weat Saturday Night, with the network, set up sort of amatching fund and we were able to purchase this lovelypainting in appreciation of Ray Charles and thecourageous example he sets for all of us — besidesbeing one heck of a good sport. And, so, in Ray’sname, we’re donating this painting to the Lighthouseof the Blind, in the hope that someday all will beable to see it. Let me just, uh, pull the string hereand give you to look at what I’m talking about.[removes the covering to reveal a frame without apainting, just big red block letters that read: PLEASEDON’T TELL HIM!] It was painted in 1909 by the FrenchImpressionist Claude Monet and it’s entitled, as youmay have already guessed, “The Old Windmill.” Uh,there’s that shimmering iridescence, the, uh, subtleinterplay between light and shadow that Monet wasfamous for. Hard to describe really, you sort of haveto see it. [approaches piano] Ray, I’m sure there’ssomething you want to say.
Ray Charles: Well, I would like to say that -that – that out of all the awards that I’ve received,I – I – I gotta tell ya, this one, without doubt,makes me the happiest, so let me thank you, Mr. Mike,and I also would like to thank all the wonderfulpeople on Saturday Night Live who’ve made this week somuch fun. Thank you.
Mr. Mike: Hey. Well said. [pats Charles on theshoulder]
Ray Charles: All right. [applause, the castgathers around the piano again]
Mr. Mike: Listen, Ray, I’m sorry. I gotta run.I’ll see ya later at the party, pal.
Ray Charles: Okay. See ya, Mr. Mike.
All: Bye, Mr. Mike. Bye bye.
[Mr. Mike exits. Charles lowers his voiceconspiratorially.]Ray Charles: Now, what Mr. Mike doesn’t know… is, at the party, are going to be ten or twelve ofthe biggest black dudes he’s ever seen in his life.And they’re gonna whoop him upside his head and breakevery bone in his body. So please don’t tell him!We’ll be right back, right after this next filmedmessage.
[Much applause and laughter from both cast andaudience.]Submitted Anonymously
