SNL Transcripts: Ray Charles: 11/12/77: Evelyn Woodski Slow Reading Course


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 3: Episode 5

77e: Ray Charles

Evelyn Woodski Slow Reading Course

Announcer … Dan Aykroyd
Man … Garrett Morris
Woman … Jane Curtin
Surgeon … Bill Murray
… Ray Charles

Announcer V/O: [The following words rapidlyappear on a blue screen as they are read by thefast-talking announcer:] This is the way you weretaught to read, averaging hundreds or thousands ofwords per minute. [The words disappear and thefollowing words gradually appear as they are read bythe same announcer, very slowly:] This is … the way… you could … be reading … with the … EVELYNWOODSKI … slow … reading … course.

[Dissolve to a pipe-smoking man at a desk.]

Man: Sure, I was skeptical. I think everybodyis. But, believe me, I can now read ten, maybe twelvetimes slower than before.

[Cut to a woman in an easy chair as she reads a book,running her index finger slowly along the text.Suddenly, she bursts out laughing.]

Woman: [serious, to the camera] I used to be aheavy speed reader and I never laughed when I readMark Twain. But, now that I take my time, I find himvery funny. Did you know that reading all the words ina story can help you understand the humor?

[Cut to a surgeon in full surgical garb, includingmask and rubber gloves.]

Surgeon: I’m a brain surgeon and, uh, I used tojust fly through these technical medical journals, youknow? And I found I was makin’ a lot of mistakes inthe operating room. And now, with the Evelyn Woodskislow reading course, I catch more o’ the importantprocedural stuff, you know? And I find I’m a bettersurgeon for it.

[Dissolve back to the blue screen.]

Announcer V/O: Yes, Evelyn Woodski can help youenjoy reading again. [suddenly loud, rapid]Whyreadlikethis?! [Text appears quickly on screen:”Why should you have to read like this?” – thendisappears; the following words gradually appear asthey are read by the same announcer, very slowly:]When … you … can … read … like this?

[Dissolve to Ray Charles, seated in easy chair,reading a book in Braille.]

Ray Charles: And there’s … Evelyn …Woodski’s … slow … reading …. course … forBraille. I used to … get … blisters … on my …fingers. [laughter and applause] Now … I just …sit … back and enjoy.

[Dissolve to graphic of a shelf of books withsuperimposed text reading: EVELYN WOODSKI SLOW READINGCOURSE 555-2972]

Announcer V/O: Evelyn Woodski slow readingcourse! Call 555-2972! Call now on this toll freenumber for your first … free … lesson.


Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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