Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 5
Evelyn Woodski Slow Reading Course
Announcer … Dan Aykroyd
Man … Garrett Morris
Woman … Jane Curtin
Surgeon … Bill Murray
… Ray Charles
Announcer V/O: [The following words rapidlyappear on a blue screen as they are read by thefast-talking announcer:] This is the way you weretaught to read, averaging hundreds or thousands ofwords per minute. [The words disappear and thefollowing words gradually appear as they are read bythe same announcer, very slowly:] This is … the way… you could … be reading … with the … EVELYNWOODSKI … slow … reading … course.
[Dissolve to a pipe-smoking man at a desk.]
Man: Sure, I was skeptical. I think everybodyis. But, believe me, I can now read ten, maybe twelvetimes slower than before.
[Cut to a woman in an easy chair as she reads a book,running her index finger slowly along the text.Suddenly, she bursts out laughing.]
Woman: [serious, to the camera] I used to be aheavy speed reader and I never laughed when I readMark Twain. But, now that I take my time, I find himvery funny. Did you know that reading all the words ina story can help you understand the humor?
[Cut to a surgeon in full surgical garb, includingmask and rubber gloves.]
Surgeon: I’m a brain surgeon and, uh, I used tojust fly through these technical medical journals, youknow? And I found I was makin’ a lot of mistakes inthe operating room. And now, with the Evelyn Woodskislow reading course, I catch more o’ the importantprocedural stuff, you know? And I find I’m a bettersurgeon for it.
[Dissolve back to the blue screen.]
Announcer V/O: Yes, Evelyn Woodski can help youenjoy reading again. [suddenly loud, rapid]Whyreadlikethis?! [Text appears quickly on screen:”Why should you have to read like this?” – thendisappears; the following words gradually appear asthey are read by the same announcer, very slowly:]When … you … can … read … like this?
[Dissolve to Ray Charles, seated in easy chair,reading a book in Braille.]
Ray Charles: And there’s … Evelyn …Woodski’s … slow … reading …. course … forBraille. I used to … get … blisters … on my …fingers. [laughter and applause] Now … I just …sit … back and enjoy.
[Dissolve to graphic of a shelf of books withsuperimposed text reading: EVELYN WOODSKI SLOW READINGCOURSE 555-2972]
Announcer V/O: Evelyn Woodski slow readingcourse! Call 555-2972! Call now on this toll freenumber for your first … free … lesson.