Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 6
Reunion in Kiev
Anya… Gilda Radner
Waiter #1… Buck Henry
Waiter #2… John Belushi
Sonya… Laraine Newman
[Open on ANYA staring out the window of a moving railroad car at night]
CAPTIONS: REUNION IN KIEV… RUSSIA 1918
Anya (V.O.): I wonder how much longer… it seems like we’ll never get to Kiev. I haven’t seen my sister, Sonya, since the Bolsheviks took over. Can’t this train go any faster? Time moves slowly when you are anxious. Yesterday seems so far away. Ah, yesterday… yesterday…[Ripple-dissolve to the same shot of ANYA staring out the window]
Anya (V.O.): Yesterday… yesterday I was still on this train. [laughter] On the third day of this trip from Vladivostok to Kiev. I could have gotten up to move around, but I might have lost my seat. I remember the waiter approaching me.
Waiter #1: Excuse me, but would you like something to eat?
Anya: Just some wine, please.
Waiter #1: Of course.[WAITER #1 leaves the compartment for the aisle, where he begins to pour a glass of wine.]
Waiter #1 (V.O.): My, she’s so lovely. Her face so beautiful, her body so supple. I remember the first moment I set eyes upon her. It was yesterday. I was pouring some wine, on the second day of this journey from Vladivostok to Kiev. I remember… I remember…[Ripple dissolve to the compartment. WAITER #1 enters the compartment, carrying a glass of wine]
Waiter #1: Some wine for you, ma’am.
Anya: Not for me… I will be ordering that wine tomorrow, the third day of this journey from Vladivostok to Kiev.
Waiter #1: Ah. I’m terribly sorry. I… forgot what day it was.
Waiter #1 (V.O.): I can’t wait until tomorrow, so I can give her this wine.[Ripple-dissolve to ANYA staring out window]
Anya (V.O.): The train moves so slowly. Time seems to be dragging. My thoughts drift back to a happier time. I hear the sounds of my childhood in Moscow.[Slow Russian music is heard being hummed]
Anya (V.O.): The singing of the Brothers Karamazov.[Camera pulls out to reveal WAITER #1 and WAITER #2 doing the humming]
Anya (V.O.): They were the hottest club act in Russia before the Revolution. Now, they’re singing stewards on the Vladivostok-to-Kiev run. It’s sad. I really can’t wait until tomorrow… tomorrow… tomorrow…[Ripple-dissolve to ANYA staring out window]
Anya (V.O.): Tomorrow I’ll be still on this damn train. [Laughter] [Pull out to see SONYA sitting to ANYA’S left]
Anya (V.O.): But in the evening I’ll be reunited with my sister Sonya, who will join me on this train as we continue on to Bulgaria, for the opening of the pogrom season.
Waiter #1: Your wine, ma’am. Nice and chilled.
Anya: I ordered that yesterday, the third day of our trip from Vladivostok to Kiev. Today is the fourth day! I already drank that. Didn’t I, Sonya?
Sonya: Yes, you did, my sweet sister.
Waiter #1: Are you sure? Hmm. [He exits to the aisle, throws the wine onto the floor, and reenters with the empty glass] So you did! Ah… I hope you liked it, ma’am! So sorry to disturb you.[Ripple-dissolve to ANYA staring out window]
Anya (V.O.): That was tomorrow… I can’t wait! But right now, I’m thirsty.
Anya: Waiter! Where is my wine?[Enter WAITER #2]
Waiter #2: Here it is![Enter WAITER #1]
Waiter #1: Here is your wi- [to WAITER #2] Hey, what are you doing here?
Waiter #2: I’m on today. This is my station!
Waiter #1: No you’re not! I’m on today, you’re on alternate yesterdays and every other tomorrow!
Waiter #2: Ohhh, tomorrow!
Both Waiters: Tomorrow… tomorrow…[Ripple-dissolve to ANYA staring out window]
Anya: Tomorrow… tomorrow… tomorrow. [She turns to WAITER #1, sitting to her left] Ohhh, Mr. Karamazov.
Waiter #1: Ohhh, Sonya[sic]… [Turns to SONYA, sitting to his left] Ohhh… Anya[sic].
Sonya: Ohhh, Mr. Karamazov. [Turns to WAITER #2, sitting to her left] Ohhh, Mr. Karamazov.
Waiter #2: Ohhh, Sonya. [SONYA and WAITER #2 begin kissing passionately]
Waiter #1: I… I feel almost as good as I did tomorrow.
Waiter #2: No, that was yesterday!
Anya: When will it be today?
Waiter #1: Sometime tomorrow.
Sonya: Are you sure?
Waiter #1: Who cares?[Both couples kiss passionately] [CAPTION: THE END] [APPLAUSE]
Submitted by: Tim Harrod