Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 7
…..Mary Kay Place
Announcer: [ over title card ] “Grizzly Adams Sets Fire To His Head” will not be seen this week, so that NBC may present the following special program.
[ fade to black ]
[ open on back wall of studio, revealing the cast dressed in cheerleader outfits as Mary Kay Place bounces into position ]
Mary Kay Place: Okay, everybody! Let’s roll ’em up, move ’em in, rehearse the show, get ready to — Wait a minute! Where’s Belushi? [ no one seems to know ] Okay! Okay! Okay! Wait a minute! What are you doing? Now, let me tell you something: Belushi’s absence, all of this mish-mash here — All of this reflects an attitude that I have noticed ALL week, and that is lack of pep! Now, I wasn’t gonna tell you guys this, because the network asked me to host the show only because I could pump some pep into the show. Now, it is very, VERY difficult to pump pep into the show when the peppers are NOT participating! okay? Now — You all have NOT been partipating peppily!
Bill Murray: [ confused ] “Pep”? What do you mean, “pep”?
Mary Kay Place: I mean… pomp, enthusiasm, energy, verve, sass… You know! I just use “pep” as a catch-all phrase. Let’s be brutally honest: I want each and every one of you to look me right in the eye — Bill? Look. Right in the eye. Can you all look at me and say, “Yes, Mary Kay — Yes, I have been as peppy as possible this week!” Hmm?
Dan Aykroyd: I, for one, can’t. [ he hangs his head in shame ]
Laraine Newman: I’m sorry.
Gilda Radner: Well, I tried.
Bill Murray: I’ve had a lot of personal problems, Mary Kay.
Mary Kay Place: That’s what I though.
[ John Belushi finally shows up ]
John Belushi: Hi.
Mary Kay Place: John, where have you been, and where has your pep been?
John Belushi: “Pep”?
Mary Kay Place: Yeah. Pep. Mmm-hmm.
John Belushi: Did you say “pep”?
Mary Kay Place: Yeah. I said “pep”.
Bill Murray: That’s right, John — She said “pep”!
John Belushi: That’s what I thought you said. “Pep”. Why should I have pep? Why? I’m forced to wear this cheerleader outfit. It’s a STUPID outfit. I HATE this whole cheerleader metaphor!
Mary Kay Place: Oh.
John Belushi: Who thought of this idea, anyway? Danny?
Dan Aykroyd: Aw, come on…
Mary Kay Place: It was my idea. But the network made me do it!
Jane Curtin: I think it was a GOOD idea! There really isn’t enough pep around here, John, and YOU’RE the #1 offender! You’ve had disciplinary problems since the show began!
John Belushi: [ blowing a puff of smoke ] Well, I think you’re both FASCISTS!
Mary Kay Place: There is NOTHING fascist about PEP! I mean, you can go to ANY fascist country, and there’s hardly any pep there at all!
Jane Curtin: Yeah!
John Belushi: [ swigging a beer ] Look, I just think this whole pep things is really stupid and lame! That’s all, okay?
Mary Kay Place: Okay, okay, fine. I mean, if that’s the way you feel… I was just trying to do what the network asked me to do, I was just trying to pep things up… I don’t know, maybe for this show, lack of pep IS best! [ sobbing ] I’m sorry, I just wanted to do a good show…!
Garrett Morris: [ to Belushi ] NOW you’ve done it, man! You made the host CRY!
John Belushi: Gee, I’m sorry, Mary Kay — really. I’m sorry I made you cry. [ he grabs her shoulder] You all right, honey?
Mary Kay Place: Yeahhhh, I guess so…
John Belushi: I’ll tell you, Mary Kay — Maybe you’re right about pep. Maybe I haven’t given pep enough thought these past fifteen years or so. You know… maybe if EVERYBODY had a little more pep… there’d be less suffering in the world! Don’t you think?
All: Maybe… Yeah…
John Belushi: So, what do you say — Let’s make this the PEPPIEST show ever! What do you say, Gang?!
All: [ excited ] YEAH!!! LET’S DO IT!!!
John Belushi: What do you say, Mary Kay?
Mary Kay Place: I say let’s start the show!
[ she blows her whistle, as the cast all hump into place and a marching band appears below the balcony and marches onto the Home Base stage to stand around a circular “Saturday Night Live” banner ]
[ one by one, each member of the cast bursts through the banner ]
John Belushi: JOHN!!
Jane Curtin: JANE!!
Bill Murray: BILL!!
Garrett Morris: GARRETT!!
Dan Aykroyd: DANNY!!
Gilda Radner: GILDA!!
Laraine Newman: LARAINE!!
Mary Kay Place: MARY KAY!!
[ Mary Kay jumps to the top of a cast pyramid ]
Mary Kay Place: “Jump to the left, jump to the right!”
All: “LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!!!”
[ the human pyramid falls ]