SNL Transcripts: Miskel Spillman: 12/17/77: Miskel’s Joint


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 3: Episode 8

77h: Miskel Spillman / Elvis Costello

Miskel’s Joint

…..Laraine Newman
…..John Belushi
…..Buck Henry

Announcer: “How The Grinch Raped And Strangled Christmas” will not be seen tonight, so that NBC may present the following special program.

[ open on John Belushi and Laraine Newman in the cast locker room ]

Laraine Newman: Well, I think it’s pretty exciting having an eighty-year-old grandmother host the show.

John Belushi: Yeah, but what if she forgets her lines?

Laraine Newman: Oh, don’t worry, she won’t. Let me tell you something – you should be as together when you’re eighty as Mrs. Spillman is.

John Belushi: Don’t worry. I’ll be dead by thirty.

[ Buck Henry enters ]

Laraine Newman: Hi, Buck.

John Belushi: Hey, Buckaroo! How’s it going?

Buck Henry: Okay. Hey, have either of you seen Mrs. Spillman recently?

John Belushi: Yeah, I just left her dressing room about twenty minutes ago. Why?

Buck Henry: Well, I checked in on her, and she’s lying on her back looking at a bowl of fruit with her radio turned on full blast.

Laraine Newman: Well, she’s eighty-years-old – maybe she’s hard of hearing.

Buck Henry: No, that’s not it. She’s acting very strange.

John Belushi: Well, she was a little nervous when I saw her, so I just told her a few things to loosen her up. You know, that being nervous is natural, and how we’re all a little nervous, too.. and I found out she knows some people I met in New Orleans during Mardi Gras.. [ casually ] ..and then we smoked a joint and she calmed down.

Buck Henry: [ upset ] You smoked a joint with Mrs. Spillman?!

Laraine Newman: One of your joints?!

Buck Henry: Are you kidding!

John Belushi: Yeah, it works for me.. I figured she needed it. Come on.

Buck Henry: Does she know what it is?

John Belushi: I told her it was a French cigarette.

Laraine Newman: John! How could you?

Buck Henry: John, your joints overwhelm even as experienced drug user like myself.

Laraine Newman: What did you give her? The ones with the rhino tranquilizer?

John Belushi: No! Are you kidding? To an eighty-year-old grandmother? We smoked a joint of Wauhauken, and Maui Wowie, blended with a little hash oil.. It calmed her right down.

Buck Henry: Well, she’s in Hawaii right now, with her old friend Mr. Fruit Bowl. And I’ve got to go out there in a minute and introduce the winner of the Anyone Can Host Contest, America’s oldest living doper.

John Belushi: Less than a minute, Buck.. ’cause we’re live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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