Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 9
January 21st, 1978
The Dirt Band
State of the Union 1978Summary: Walter Mondale (Bill Murray), Tip O’Neil (John Belushi), and other attending politicians react with boredom to President Jimmy Carter’s (Dan Aykroyd) State of the Union Address.
Recurring Characters: President Jimmy Carter, Walter Mondale, Tip O’Neil.
Steve Martin’s MonologueSummary: Steve Martin accuses John Belushi of stealin $59, electrocutes himself, then tells the audience how they can be a millionaire and never pay taxes.
First Hosted: 76e.
SwillSummary: A traveling salesman (Bill Murray) savors the flavor of the mineral weater dredged from Lake Erie.
Note: Repeat from: 77b.
The Mystery of BigfootSummary: Park Ranger (Steve Martin) doesn’t realize that the friendly mountaineer (John Belushi) with large feet is the supposed Bigfoot create he’s been hunting.
The Festrunk BrothersSummary: Jorge (Steve Martin) and Yortuk Festrunk (Dan Aykroyd) are prepared to swing with a pair of computer dates, fully expecting them to be American girls with big breasts and not like-minded Croatian woman (Jane Curtin, Laraien Newman).
Recurring Characters: Jorge Festrunk, Yortuk Festrunk, Cliff.
Dirt Band performs “On the Loose with the Blues”
Body FlossSummary: The Swedish cleaning string that makes hygeine fun.
Weekend Update with Jane Curtin & Dan AykroydSummary: Consumer reporter Roseanne Roseannadanna (Gilda Radner) wanders from a commentary on a viewer’s heating problem to her disgust with toenails.
Recurring Characters: Roseanne Roseannadanna.
Randy Newman performs “Short People” & “Rider In The Rain”First Performed: 75b.
Family FeudSummary: The Conehead Family (Dan Aykroyd, Jane Curtin, Laraine Newman) compete against the Romaine lettuce-loving Mel Family (Steve Marton, Gilda Radner, John Belushi).
Recurring Characters: Beldar Conehead, Prymaat Conehead, Connie Conehead.
Hollywood HomesSummary: Steve Martin gives a tour of the outsides of the homes of his “close personal friends.”
What If?Summary: Joan Cage (Jane Curtin) and her panel of experts consider the hypothetical prospect of Napoleon (John Belushi) with a B-52 bomber.
Steve Martin and Dirt Band performs “White Russia”