SNL Transcripts: Chevy Chase: 02/18/78: Conversation After Sex


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 3: Episode 12

77k: Chevy Chase / Billy Joel

Conversation After Sex

Man…..Chevy Chase
Woman…..Gilda Radner

[ a couple begin a conversation after having sex ]

Man: You want a cigarette?

Woman: No, thanks, I don’t smoke.

Man: Oh, good. Neither do I. [ pause ] That was terrific. How was it for you?

Woman: Okay.

Man: Was it just “okay”, or was it “really okay”?

Woman: Well, it was “really just okay”.

Man: Did you, uh.. did you.. hmm? Did you have, uh..?

Woman: Couldn’t you tell?

Man: Well, I’m not very good at those things. I can’t figure those things out too good. They confuse me.

Woman: Well, why did you ask?

Man: Well, you know, I figured we’ve just been very intimate, asintimate as you can be, you know? And, uh.. I’d feel sort of guilty if only one of us was satisfied, you know? I mean, it’s not like I didn’t try..

Woman: Oh, I know.

Man: Well, did you?

Woman: Well, look, don’t worry. Sometimes I do, and I don’t even know it.

Man: Huh? I’ve never heard of that before. When it happens to me, I know it.

Woman: Well, girls are different, you know? I didn’t even know I was allowed to have one ’til I went away to college.

Man: Do you usually have one, though?

Woman: Well, you see, it’s like this – I never really feel themimmediately. It’s sorta like they, uh.. kind of store up, and then I feel them all at once. Usually, on the first day of Purim. A lot of girls are like that.

Man: Well, then.. you mean, you did have one?

Woman: Well..

Man: You might have.

Woman: Yeah.

Man: Good. I feel better.

Woman: Could you hold me?

Man: What?

Woman: Well, I just wondered if you’d hold me. I mean, we’ve been so close and everything.. and I like that part, the holding part. I like that as much as the other part.

Man: Well, sure. I like that, too. [ they adjust themselves for comfort ] Can I ask you something personal?

Woman: Sure.

Man: Um.. I don’t want to pry.. but, who’s Phil?

Woman: How do you know about Phil?

Man: Well, in the middle of it, you said his name, you know?

Woman: Oh, gee. I’m sorry.

Man: It’s okay. Who is he?

Woman: Well, Phil’s my old boyfriend. We broke up a couple weeks ago. I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, really..

Man: Oh, no, no.. That’s okay, I understand. I was just wondering, that’s all. It’s okay..

Woman: You mind if I ask you a personal question?

Man: Of course. Shoot.

Woman: Who’s Terry? Right in the middle of everything, you said, “Terry.”

Man: I’m Terry. Terry Forrester?

Woman: Oh, I remember! You told me at the party! Right.

Man: That’s just sort of a habit, from all those night alone. Ididn’t mean to hurt your feelings..

Woman: Terry?

Man: Yeah?

Woman: Can I ask you another question?

Man: Yeah, sure.

Woman: Who’s Mommy?

Man: I said “Mommy”?

Woman: Yeah.

Man: Mommy’s my middle name – Terry “Mommy” Forrester, I swear!

Woman: I believe you.

Man: I know that sounds funny.. Well, it’s getting pretty late.What time do you have to get up for work?

Woman: Well, my boss is out of town, I don’t have to go in ’til the afternoon.

Man: Wow, you’re lucky. I’ve got a 9:30 class, it takes me 45minutes to get there.

Woman: Class?

Man: Yeah.

Woman: I thought you said you pitched for the Yankees?

Man: I did? Yeah.. well..

Woman: You even promised you’d give me tickets for opening day..

Man: Look, I was lying. I just.. I’ll level with you. I just wanted you to go home with me. I wanted to take you home, I thought it would sound a little better if I told you I was pitching for the Yankees. I figured if I told you I’m teaching Driver’s Ed for Rodell Junior High, you know..?

Woman: I understand. You must really like baseball.

Man: Never miss a game.

Woman: Yeah, me either. Especially the Yankees. I follow themclosely, like I know the whole roster.

Man: Well, why did you let me lie to you like that?

Woman: Well, I didn’t want to embarrass you, and I was afraid you wouldn’t take me home.. and I knew you’d tell me the truth, eventually.

Man: Well, that’s real nice of you. That’s real nice. I’ve gotta go. [ gets up ]

Woman: Well, where are you going?

Man: I told you – I’ve got an early class.. I’ve gotta get ready..

Woman: Well, you can stay, if you want to.

Man: I can?

Woman: Sure. It’s your apartment.

[ the Man turns the lamp off, as they both fall asleep ] [ pull out to studio wide shot, with SUPER: “coming up next… How To Tell Shields From Yarnell” ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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