SNL Transcripts: Chevy Chase: 02/18/78: Chevy Chase’s Monologue

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 3: Episode 12

77k: Chevy Chase / Billy Joel

Chevy Chase’s Monologue

…..Chevy Chase
…..Al Siegal

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Chevy Chase!

Chevy Chase: Thank you! Thank you very much! I can’t believe this. It’s been over a year since I’ve been gone, and, uh… I really miss the show. I’ll tell you one thing I’ve missed more than anything — [ he checks to make sure his zipper is pulled up ] Quite seriously — And that is the applause. I miss that more than anything. [ the audience applauds wildly ] Thank you!

I just want to say that my friends and the people who put on “Saturday Night” — even since I’ve been gone, before or after — still put on the BEST damn comedy show on the air. [ the audience applauds ] I thank you — I thank YOU on their behalf. I do.

I must say, it’s great to be back in this town, and I think, you know, let’s be honest — New York’s the greatest city in the world, isn’t it? [ the audience applauds ]

You know, uh — This trip, I’ve been spending a lot of time in Brooklyn. [ the audience whoops ]

Yesterday — I don’t know — in Los Angeles, they don’t have very many delicatessans, you know? THey don’t have Negroes. They have nothing, you know? But I spent a lot of time yesterday, uh, at a little delicatessan in Queens. [ the audience applauds ] Queens?

Of course, there’s no place more exciting than Manhattan to me. [ the audience applauds ] Manhattan is… unless, of course, that place is Queens. [ the audience applauds enthusiastically ]

I — I think that it’s very hard to express how I feel in words, and, uh… [ he turns to look at the band ] Well, if it’s alright with you, I’d just like to sing a short note. [ band member pounds a note on the piano ] The band!

[ singing ]
“The more I seeeeeee
The more I want you.
Somehow, this feeling
Just grows.”

Thank you. How about that band, huh?

[ the audience applauds wildly ]

You know, it’s been a…

[ the band keeps playing, until Chevy runs back to tell Howard Shore to stop ]

What a week! Not just for me. I guess we found a real-life “Rocky” in that Leon Spinks, huh?

[ the audience applauds wildly ]

He deserves a lot of credit. He really does. But I don’t want to take anything away from, I think, the greatest heavyweight champion of ALL time — no question about it — Mohammed Ali.

[ the audience applauds even more wildly ]

How about thay Muriel Humphrey? Huh? [ the audience applauds wirh slight amusement ] Absolutely.

Haldeman’s book’s coming out… Even more dirt about Watergate. I don’t know how you feel. Don’t you think Nixon’s suffered a much? [ he shugs ] Enough? Much too much? [ low response; someone in the audience cries “No!” ] He hasn’t suffered enough, has he? [ the audience applauds wildly ] They should have put him in JAIL, right?! [ the audience cheers enthusiastically ] Yeah! And Agnew, TOO, right?! [ the audience cheers wildly ] Yeah!

You know what I really love about your applause, is its sponteneity. [ the audience laughs ] That’s kind of what live TV’s about — great live television. It seems spotaneous. Uh, but you see, it really isn’t. Every word is, uh, written out and put on cue cards. It’s true! I’ll show you. [ calling ] Al? Could you give me a card? See, this is really the illusion of spontaneity.

[ Al Siegal hands Chevy a cue card, which Chevy holds up to reveal the words:

“Al, could you give me a
See, this is really the
illusion of spontaneity.” ]

Chevy Chase: Thanks, Al! [ he hands the cue card back ] Uh… Give me the next card. By the way, Al? Come on up here, Al.

[ Al Siegal joins Chevy on stage, as the audience applauds wildly ]

Chevy Chase: This is Al Seigal, our cue card man. He’s done a great job, he’s got a lot to do, a lot of work… Incidentally, you’ve been a great audience. I think you all owe yourselves a round of applause. Please.

[ the audience applauds wildly ]

[ Al hands Chevy the last cue card and steps down from the stage ]

Chevy Chase: [ he holds up the cue card that reads: ] We’ll be right back after this message.

SNL Transcripts | Special Cable TV Promotions |

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

32 thoughts on “SNL Transcripts: Chevy Chase: 02/18/78: Chevy Chase’s Monologue”

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