SNL Transcripts: O.J. Simpson: 02/25/78: Great Moments in Sports



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 3: Episode 12








77l: O.J. Simpson / Ashford & Simpson

Great Moments in Sports

… O.J. Simpson
Nurse … Jane Curtin
Doctor … Dan Aykroyd
Babe Ruth … John Belushi
Boy … Garrett Morris
Radio Announcer … Bill Murray
Priest … Tom Schiller

[Graphic reads: Great Moments in Sports. We hear pianomusic throughout the sketch, commenting on the action.Dissolve to O. J. Simpson who sits in an easy chairnext to a table and lamp, digging through a box ofCracker Jack caramel-coated popcorn and peanuts, abook in his lap. He looks up, sees the camera is on,and hastily picks up the book to hide the Cracker Jackbox.]

O.J. Simpson: Hello. As a kid, I had many idols. Menlike Jackie Robinson and Willie Mays inspired me. Butprobably America’s greatest hero was the legendaryGeorge Herman “Babe” Ruth. [Dissolve to stock footageof Babe Ruth hitting a home run and running the basesat Yankee Stadium] Born in 1895, the Babe grew up tobecome the New York Yankees’ Sultan of Swat as well asthe game’s most exciting player. [Dissolve back toSimpson] The Babe loved everyone but the fans he caredthe most about was America’s kids. And the Babe alwaystried to return their love. Like the time in a NewYork hospital, almost forty years ago …

[Dissolve to an image of a large building.Superimposed text reads: BRONX CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL.Dissolve to a hospital room where Babe Ruth, eating ahot dog and drinking a mug of beer, confers with adoctor and nurse at the foot of a little boy’s bed.]

Nurse: Thank you so much for coming, Mr. Ruth. Youhave no idea how much this will mean to him.

Doctor: He’s your biggest fan, Babe. He listens to allthe Yankees games on the radio.

Babe Ruth: Well, that’s nice to hear. I like kids. Iwas an orphan myself. I’m sensitive to their needs.

Boy: [moaning in pain] Aaaaahhhhhhh!

Babe Ruth: How’s the little colored fella anyway?

Doctor: Well … I’ll tell ya, he’s, uh, he’s a prettysick boy. In fact, even he doesn’t know how sick he is.

Nurse: But we think he could pull through if we justkeep his spirits up. And you’re just the person whocould do it.

Doctor: You know, I think he’s waking up now.

[The Babe, the nurse, and the doctor join the boy at bedside.]

Doctor: [to the boy] Hey, little guy. You have a visitor.

Boy: Oh! It’s the Babe! Wow!

Babe Ruth: Hiya, kid! How are ya?

Boy: Gee, you came to see me, Babe!

Doctor: [to the delighted nurse] I think it’s helping already.

Babe Ruth: Here, kid. I brought you a present. [puts aYankees cap on the boy’s head] There ya go.

Boy: Gee! Thanks, Babe!

Babe Ruth: Well, we got a game against Cleveland this afternoon. I better be goin’ to the stadium. Ah, take it easy, kid.

Nurse: Mr. Ruth, thank you so much for stopping by.

Doctor: Yes.

Boy: Hey, Babe! Could you do me a favor? [thinksbetter of it, changes his mind] Oh, no, I-I-I…

Babe Ruth: Sure, kid! What can I do for ya?

Boy: Well … could you hit a home run just for me?

Doctor: Aw, come on, son. Mr. Ruth can’t make promises like that.

Babe Ruth: Oh, naw, naw, naw, it’s all right! I tellyou what I’ll do, kid! I’ll knock one out of the parkfor ya, you promise me you’ll pull through — is that a deal?

Boy: [deliriously happy] It’s a deal, it’s a deal,yeah, it’s a deal!

Babe Ruth: Okay, kid.

[Dissolve back to O. J. Simpson who is picking CrackerJack out of his teeth. He sees the camera is on andquickly resumes the narrative.]

O.J. Simpson: It was a perfect day for a ball game atYankee Stadium. The Cleveland Indians didn’t score offRuffing in the first but the Yankees had a threatgoin’ with Lazzeri on first — and up to the platestepped the old Bambino himself.

[Dissolve back to the hospital room where the boy,wearing his Yankees cap, listens intently to a 1930svintage radio at bedside.]

Radio Announcer: Two quick strikes on the Babe. Thepitcher’s in his wind up. The Babe swings and it’sstrike three!

Boy: Come on, Babe! Come on, Babe baby!

[The doctor and nurse look on with concern.]

Doctor: He’ll get it the next time, maybe.

[Dissolve back to O. J. Simpson who examines hisCracker Jack prize.]

O.J. Simpson: The Babe came up to bat again in thefourth inning. Holding the bat in his hand, he strodeto the plate in his pigeon-toed, inimitable style.But, quickly, the drunken, overweight idol had twostrikes on him.

[Dissolve back to the hospital room where the boylistens to the radio.]

Radio Announcer: An interesting story, sports fans.Before the game, the Babe told me that he promised alittle boy who’s dying in the hospital that he’d hit ahome run for him today.

Boy: [stunned, to the radio] I’m dyin’?!

Radio Announcer: The wind-up and the pitch. Oops, itwon’t be this time at bat as the Babe takes strikethree and the score remains Indians two and theYankees nothing.

[Dissolve back to O. J. Simpson and his prize.]

O.J. Simpson: Going into the eighth inning, it wasstill 2-0 Cleveland. The little boy was hanging onevery pitch as it seemed his very health laid on theBabe’s game. But the Babe struck out again and thingsbegan to look bleak going into the ninth inning.

[Dissolve back to the hospital room where the nurseand doctor stand over the semiconscious boy.]

Doctor: He’s sinking fast. Do we have oxygen ready?

Nurse: Yes. I – I don’t believe that the Babe would dothis to him. Fat tub of lard! You know?

[The boy, mouth and eyes wide open in expectation,listens to the radio.]

Radio Announcer: Ah, there’s two outs in the bottom ofthe ninth and, uh, Lazzeri must get on if the Babe isgonna have another chance at that home run for thelittle dying boy, of course. [The boy nods] Three-twocount on Lazzeri. Here’s the pitch and Lazzeri pops itup. Oh, no! This looks like it’s the ball game. [Theboy, devastated, begins to sink back into his pillow]No, it’s dropped! He dropped the ball, ladies andgentleman! Lazzeri is safe at first and the Babe willhave another shot at it. Holy cow!

[Delighted, the boy glances at the relieved doctor andnurse. The announcer continues under the following:]

Doctor: Nurse, uh, you’d better call his parents. [Thenurse hurries off. The doctor turns to a nearbypriest.] Father, you’d better stand by. We still mightbe needing you here.

Priest: Yes, of course.

[The doctor listens to the boy’s heart with astethoscope as the boy focuses on the radio, rising upoff his pillow with the announcer’s every word. Thedoctor and priest also get caught up in the game.]

Radio Announcer: Ruth steps up to the plate. The Babedigs in. He swings and it’s a long fly ball! That babyis back there! It’s back! It’s curving … FOUL!

[The boy quickly sinks back down. The doctor listensto his heart. The priest quietly reads the lastrites.]

Radio Announcer: Next time you come by, bring mystomach, will ya? Well, this is it for Ruth if he’sgonna keep his promise to that kid who’s about to die,I guess. Here’s the pitch. [Again, the boy is up offhis pillow, rising with the announcer’s every word]Ruth hits it far! That baby’s back there! Back! Back!But it’s curving, curving … FOUL! [The boy sinksback again] Oh, brother! Holy cow! You can’t help butwonder why the Babe is doing this, anyway. Well, thecrowd’s really pulling for the Sultan of Swat. Theyreally want him to put one out. If only the wholecrowd knew that this little kid’s gonna die almost anysecond. Here’s the pitch! [Again, the boy is up offhis pillow, rising with the announcer’s every word]The Babe swings! And it’s a long fly ball to deepright field! The outfielder’s drifting back, back!That ball is going … going … It is CAUGHT AT THEWALL! [The boy collapses and the doctor applies CPR.]

[Dissolve back to O. J. Simpson.]

O.J. Simpson: Well, that was the ball game. MaybeBabe tried to hit a home run that day and failed. Thenagain, maybe he forgot the promise he made to thelittle boy. And some even said that the Babe was drunkand didn’t do it on purpose. I, being an athletemyself, frankly find that hard to believe. Whateverthe true story was, though, it was yet another case ofa white man breaking a promise to a poor littlecolored boy. [laughter and applause] But there is amoral– But there is a moral to this story. Neverunderestimate the revenge of a black man. Becauselittle Hank Aaron … [audience gasps] … camethrough and went on to break all of Babe Ruth’srecords anyway. Thanks for watching Great Moments in Sports!

[Applause and a grand finale of piano music as wedissolve to an image of O. J. looking as if he isplanning a double murder.]

[ dissolve to audience wide shot, zoom in on man with SUPER: “Own Best Friend” ]

[ fade ]

Submitted Anonymously

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