Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 13
Schiller’s Reel: Don’t Look Back In Anger
SCHILLER’S REEL… WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY TOM SCHILLER
[ SUPER: “Schiller’s Reel” ]
[ film opens on an elderly John Belushi sitting in a train car ]
John Belushi: I guess this is my stop.
[ SUPER: “John Belushi in Don’t Look Back In Anger” ]
[ cut to John walking through a cemetary on a cold, winter’s day ]
John Belushi: Yeah.. they all thought I’d be the first one to go. I was one of those “Live Fast, Die Young, Leave A Good-Looking Corpse” types, you know? But I guess they were wrong. [ points his cane to the tombstone ] There they are – all my friends. This is the Not Ready For Prime Time Cemetary. Come on up.
[ John struggles up the snow-covered hill ]
Well.. here’s Gilda Radner. Ah.. she had her own show on Canadian television for years and years. “The Gilda Radner Show”. [ moment of silence ] Well, at least now I can see her on reruns. She was cute as a button, God bless her.
Here’s where Laraine is. They say she murdered her D.J. husband.. then moved to the valley in California and had a pecan farm. [ holds his fingers two inches apart ] She was this big when she died.
Jane Curtin. She married a stockbroker, had two children, moved to upstate New York. She died.. from complications during cosmetic surgery.
This is Garrett Morris. Now, Garrett.. Garrett left the show, and thenworked in the Black Theater for years. Then he died of an overdose ofheroin.
Here’s Bill Murray. He lived the longest – 38 years. Ah.. he was happy when he died, though – he’d just grown his moustache back. It’s probably still growing.
Over here is Chevy Chase. He died right after his first movie with Goldie Hawn.
Over here is Danny Aykroyd. I guess he loved his Harley too much. They clocked him at 175 miles an hour before the crash. It was a blur. I had to be called in to identify his body. I recognized him by his webbed toes.
[ drops flowers on Aykroyd’s grave ]
The “Saturday Night” show was the best experience of my life. And now,they’re all gone. And I miss every one of them. Why me? Why did I live so long? They’re all dead. [ reflective ] I’ll tell you why.. Because I’m a dancer!
[ music plays, so John drops his cane and dances amongst the graves ]
[ zoom out, fade to black ]
[ cut to close-up of audience member, “Middle Name Is Trouble” superimposed in front of her ]