Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 14
Female Passenger…..Jill Clayburgh
Male Passenger…..John Belushi
[ open on interior, airplane, night ]
Female Passenger: I’m just going to sleep. You can have the window seat, if you want to look out…
Male Passenger: [ squinting ] Ahhh… there’s nothing to see out there.
Female Passenger: No, no, that’s not true. We’ll be crossing over the Rockies soon. They’re beautiful.
Male Passenger: What’s so beautiful about a bunch of blurry mountains? A big disappointment, just like everything else out West!
Female Passenger: Have you ever seen the Grand Canyon?
Male Passenger: Yeah. I don’t know what all the FUSS is! It’s just a BIG out-of-focus HOLE in the ground! All blurry and all. Let me tell ya’ — I’ve been all over the world; I ain’t NEVER seen a place I really liked. You know? Egypt… Japan… France…
Female Passenger: [ impressed ] France? Oh, what was France like?
Male Passenger: A big letdown! I was in Paris, I went to the Louvre. Let me tell ya’ — I don’t know what the big deal is. It’s just one out-of-focus sculpture after another. Rooms and rooms of fuzzy paintings. Even the Mona Lisa, jsut like all the rest, all indistinct and BLURRY!
Female Passenger: Well, what about the women? I mean, the women in France, they’re supposed to be the msot beautiful women in the world.
Male Passenger: [ he scoffs ] Ahh, don’t ya’ believe it! They’re just like women everywhere — all fuzzy-looking and out-of-focus! I’ll tell ya’ — the only beautiful women I ever saw was my wife. I got a picture of her, I carry it wherever I go.
Female Passenger: Well… I’d love to see it…
Male Passenger: There. [ he hands her a fuzzy black-and-white framed photo ] Now, THAT was a beautiful woman!
Female Passenger: Oh… I-I’m sorry… Is she no longer living?
Male Passenger: Yeahhh. She died in a car crash. I kind of blame myself.
Female Passenger: Ohhhhh, you’re all alone in the world, then?
Male Passenger: Yep! You might say that. I’m kind of disillusioned. I look around me and there’s no beauty in the world. I don’t trust people — they’re always making BIG DEALS out of things that don’t WARRANT it!
Female Passenger: Well, you know, you’re — you’re — you’re not a bad-looking man.
Male Passenger: Ahh, you’re just saying that. I’ve looked in the mirror, and I know I’m all ill-defined and blurry.
Female Passenger: Have you ever thought about seing an eye doctor?
Male Passenger: [ confused ] An eye doctor?
Female Passenger: Yeah. You know, to check your eyes and to prescribe glasses?
Male Passenger: [ more confused ] Glasses?
Female Passenger: Yeah. Like — like these that I’m wearing. [ she removes her glasses ] Without these, everything is blurry… but with them, everything’s in-focus.
Male Passenger: Are you pulling my leg?
Female Passenger: No. No, here. Try them on. [ she puts her glasses over his eyes ]
Male Passenger: [ distraught ] Everything’s BLURRIER, and FUZZIER, and even MORE ILL-DEFINED!!
Female Passenger: [ smiling ] Oh, that’s because you need a different prescription!
Male Passenger: I don’t think that’s it! [ he takes the glasses off ] I think you’re just putting me on about these “glasses” things! Here! [ he hands back her glasses ]
Female Passenger: Noooo, I’m not…
Male Passenger: And I was getting to like ya’, even though you’re fuzzy-looking! I’m gonna sit somewhere else.
Female Passenger: [ flabbergasted ] Well, I-I-I was only trying to help you…
Male Passenger: Noooo, no it’s no use! It’s no use. Once somebody lies to me, I can’t trust them again.
[ he stands and approaches the gentleman sitting in the row in front of him ]
Male Passenger: Excuse me. Is someone sitting next to you?
[ the gentleman wakes up, pulls down his glasses, then looks at the woman sitting nexto him, then turns back to the male passenger ]
Male Passenger: No. [ he approaches the woman who was sitting behind him ] Pardon me. Is someone sitting next to you?
[ he returns to the original female passenger ]
Male Passenger: Excuse me? Is someone sitting next to you?
Female Passenger: No.
[ having failed to recognize her, he returns to his original seat and sighs ]
Male Passenger: It’s kind of a disappointing trip. Huh?
[ fade ]