SNL Transcripts: Jill Clayburgh: 03/18/78: Everything’s Blurry


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 3: Episode 14

77n: Jill Clayburgh / Leon Redbone

Everything’s Blurry

Female Passenger…..Jill Clayburgh
Male Passenger…..John Belushi
Gentleman…..Andy Murphy

[ open on interior, airplane, night ]

Female Passenger: I’m just going to sleep. You can have the window seat, if you want to look out…

Male Passenger: [ squinting ] Ahhh… there’s nothing to see out there.

Female Passenger: No, no, that’s not true. We’ll be crossing over the Rockies soon. They’re beautiful.

Male Passenger: What’s so beautiful about a bunch of blurry mountains? A big disappointment, just like everything else out West!

Female Passenger: Have you ever seen the Grand Canyon?

Male Passenger: Yeah. I don’t know what all the FUSS is! It’s just a BIG out-of-focus HOLE in the ground! All blurry and all. Let me tell ya’ — I’ve been all over the world; I ain’t NEVER seen a place I really liked. You know? Egypt… Japan… France…

Female Passenger: [ impressed ] France? Oh, what was France like?

Male Passenger: A big letdown! I was in Paris, I went to the Louvre. Let me tell ya’ — I don’t know what the big deal is. It’s just one out-of-focus sculpture after another. Rooms and rooms of fuzzy paintings. Even the Mona Lisa, jsut like all the rest, all indistinct and BLURRY!

Female Passenger: Well, what about the women? I mean, the women in France, they’re supposed to be the msot beautiful women in the world.

Male Passenger: [ he scoffs ] Ahh, don’t ya’ believe it! They’re just like women everywhere — all fuzzy-looking and out-of-focus! I’ll tell ya’ — the only beautiful women I ever saw was my wife. I got a picture of her, I carry it wherever I go.

Female Passenger: Well… I’d love to see it…

Male Passenger: There. [ he hands her a fuzzy black-and-white framed photo ] Now, THAT was a beautiful woman!

Female Passenger: Oh… I-I’m sorry… Is she no longer living?

Male Passenger: Yeahhh. She died in a car crash. I kind of blame myself.

Female Passenger: Ohhhhh, you’re all alone in the world, then?

Male Passenger: Yep! You might say that. I’m kind of disillusioned. I look around me and there’s no beauty in the world. I don’t trust people — they’re always making BIG DEALS out of things that don’t WARRANT it!

Female Passenger: Well, you know, you’re — you’re — you’re not a bad-looking man.

Male Passenger: Ahh, you’re just saying that. I’ve looked in the mirror, and I know I’m all ill-defined and blurry.

Female Passenger: Have you ever thought about seing an eye doctor?

Male Passenger: [ confused ] An eye doctor?

Female Passenger: Yeah. You know, to check your eyes and to prescribe glasses?

Male Passenger: [ more confused ] Glasses?

Female Passenger: Yeah. Like — like these that I’m wearing. [ she removes her glasses ] Without these, everything is blurry… but with them, everything’s in-focus.

Male Passenger: Are you pulling my leg?

Female Passenger: No. No, here. Try them on. [ she puts her glasses over his eyes ]

Male Passenger: [ distraught ] Everything’s BLURRIER, and FUZZIER, and even MORE ILL-DEFINED!!

Female Passenger: [ smiling ] Oh, that’s because you need a different prescription!

Male Passenger: I don’t think that’s it! [ he takes the glasses off ] I think you’re just putting me on about these “glasses” things! Here! [ he hands back her glasses ]

Female Passenger: Noooo, I’m not…

Male Passenger: And I was getting to like ya’, even though you’re fuzzy-looking! I’m gonna sit somewhere else.

Female Passenger: [ flabbergasted ] Well, I-I-I was only trying to help you…

Male Passenger: Noooo, no it’s no use! It’s no use. Once somebody lies to me, I can’t trust them again.

[ he stands and approaches the gentleman sitting in the row in front of him ]

Male Passenger: Excuse me. Is someone sitting next to you?

[ the gentleman wakes up, pulls down his glasses, then looks at the woman sitting nexto him, then turns back to the male passenger ]

Gentleman: Yeah.

Male Passenger: No. [ he approaches the woman who was sitting behind him ] Pardon me. Is someone sitting next to you?

Woman: Yes.

[ he returns to the original female passenger ]

Male Passenger: Excuse me? Is someone sitting next to you?

Female Passenger: No.

[ having failed to recognize her, he returns to his original seat and sighs ]

Male Passenger: It’s kind of a disappointing trip. Huh?

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts | Special Cable TV Promotions |

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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