Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 15
John Belushi’s New Name
[ open on cartoon graphic of dalmatian running from moving cvan ]
Announcer: “101 Dalmatians Get Run Over By 101 Moving Vans” will not be seen tonight, so that NBC may present the following special program.[ dissolve to black, fade up on the cast lockers as Gilda Radner brushes Bill Murray’s hair. In the background, John Belushi’s name is X’d out on his locker with the name Kevin Scott written below it. ]
Bill Murray: …Fine hair. There’s no point, it’s very fine…
Gilda Radner: Billy…
Bill Murray: It’s very fine.
Gilda Radner: Billy, guess what’s happening to John.
Bill Murray: Belushi? What?
Gilda Radner: He’s going to Hollywood.
Bill Murray: Why’s he going to Hollywood?
Gilda Radner: Well, it’s this thing. Like — John Chancellor is leaving the NBC Nightly News…
Bill Murray: Yeah?
Gilda Radner: And that means that everybody at NBC moves up one. Like, Tom Brokaw or however you prounounce it…
Bill Murray: Brokaw.
Gilda Radner: Brokaw. He’s going to, um… he’s going to take over the Nightly news…
Bill Murray: Yeah?
Gilda Radner: …and leave the Today Show… and Tom Snyder’s leaving the Tomorrow show, and he’s going to take over the Today Show… and Dan Hagerty’s leaving “Grizzly Adams” and he’s going to take over Tom Snyder’s part on Tomorrow.
Bill Murray: And they want John to take over for “Grizzly Adams”?
Gilda Radner: Yeah, that’s right.
Bill Murray: That lucky stiff…
Gilda Radner: Well, it’s not definite, you know? I mean, evidently the bear has final approval.
Bill Murray: But that would be something, though: “John Belushi starring as Grizzly Adams”!
Gilda Radner: Oh, it’s not gonna be “John Belushi starring as Grizzly Adams.” The network wants him to change his name.
Bill Murray: Why change his name?
Gilda Radner: Well, you see… I guess they figure that everybody associates the name “John Belushi” wih comedy and satire, you know? And this bear has no sense of humor. So the network’s making him change his name.
Bill Murray: What’s his new name?
Gilda Radner: “Kevin Scott.”
Bill Murray: “Kevin Scott”?
Gilda Radner: Yeah. It’s “Kevin –” Uh-oh! There he comes.[ John Belushi comes stomping into the locker room ]
Bill Murray: Well, I guess congratulations are in order, “Kevin”! [ he holds out his hand ]
John Belushi: [ annoyed ] Don’t call me “Kevin”, okay? I don’t like it! It’s FORCED on me! Besides, the deal’s not definite yet. I haven’t got the part yet. Thr BEAR’S got final approval.
Bill Murray: Well, it’s a big opportunity, man.
Gilda Radner: Yeah. You must be nervous.
John Belushi: Yeah. Kind of. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime, you know?
Gilda Radner: Yeah. Well, you know somwething, John, you could be living in Hollywood!
John Belushi: I don’t LIKE Hollywood, Gilda! You know that. A bunch of PHONIES out there! You know, don’t worry about me. I’m not gonna change. [ he changes out of his usual clothes into a white jacket with Hawaiian shirt ] I’ll just be John, wherever I go — or “Kev”! [ he places a cigar into his mouth ]
Gilda Radner: John?
John Belushi: Yeah?
Gilda Radner: This is scary. I’m gonna miss ya’.
John Belushi: [ he lights his cigar ] I’m gonna miss you, too, Gilda. I’m gonna miss you, too, Billy. you know, you’ve both come a long way. You remind me of when I firsrt started out, you know? Kinda green. Who knows? Maybe they’ll be flying you out to the coast in a couple of years. When they need you out in Hollywood, they need you, I guess.
Bill Murray: Thanks, John. Coming from the next Grizzly Adams, that means quite a lot. Thank you. [ he holds out his hand ]
John Belushi: [ he shakes Bill’s hand, then begins to unbutton his shirt all the way down ] Say… hey, you know, if I don’t get a chance to say goodbye to Danny, Garrett, Laraine and, uh…?
Gilda Radner: Jane.
John Belushi: Jane! Yeah. You know, say goodbye to them for me. I’m gonna miss them all. And most of all, I’m gonna miss saying: “Live [ pronounced with the short i ] from New York, it’s Saturday Night!” Live? [ pronounced with the long i ]