SNL Transcripts: Steve Martin: 04/22/78: Troff ‘n’ Brew




 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 3: Episode 18












77r: Steve Martin / The Blues Brothers

Troff ‘n’ Brew

Bill…..Steve Martin
Male Co-Worker #1…..Bill Murray
Female Co-Worker…..Jane Curtin
Male Co-Worker #2…..Garrett Morris
Male Patron…..Tom Davis
Waitress #1…..Gilda Radner
Female Patron…..Rosie Shuster
Ray Swangen…..John Belushi
Ray’s Friend…..Dan Aykroyd
Waitress #2…..Laraine Newman
Other Patrons…..Anne Beatts, Jim Downey, Brian Doyle-Murray, Al Franken, Mitchell Laurance, Tom Schiller

[ open on group of four co-workers approaching elevator ]

Bill: So… where are we going to take lunch?

Male Co-worker #1: For God’s sake, let’s pick someplace close by.

Female Co-worker: Well, there’s Fujiwa.

Male Co-worker #2: No, no… Japanese food makes me sweat.

Female Co-worker: How about that Italian place?

Male Co-worker #1: I had Italian last night, if you don’t mind.

Bill: How about that new place, the Troff ‘n’ Brew?

Female Co-worker: Oh, I don’t know… I’ve been there once, and it was all right

Bill: Come on! Let’s go there! It’s close by, they know me in there, it’s got great lighting, great chili. Come on, let’s go.

[ the elevator dings ]

Male Co-worker #1: I could use some chili.

[ they step into the elevator and grumble amongst themselves as the doors close ] [ dissolve to the interior of the Troff ‘n’ Brew, Male Patron #1 leaning over a bucket drinking beer straight from the tap as Waitress #1 works the spigot. He then dunks his head into the bucket of beer. ] [ slow pan across the chili trough, as various patrons lean over to eat their lunch, including Ray Swangen and his buddy ]

Ray’s Buddy: Ray… I’ll tell ya’ — I gotta go next week, and I gotta entertain Herb Cochran’s wife, and I was wondering if you could get me some tickets for the Yankee-Red Sox game. It might give me the opportunity I’ve been looking for to, you know, take his temperature, saw off any old wounds.

Ray Swangen: Uhhhh — no problem! I’ll send a memo to, uh, to Doris, and I’ll set it up. I’d like to have Herb Cock in my corner!

Ray’s Buddy: Yeah. Absolutely.

[ Waitress #2 steps forward with a fresh bucket of chili ]

Waitress #2: Everything okay here?

Ray’s Buddy: Yeah! It’s good!

Waitress #2: Heads up! More chili!

[ she pours the chili out of the bucket and even scoops the bottom of the bucket by hand. Ray and his buddy lean over to eat the fresh chili. ] [ Bill and his co-workers enter and grab their bibs ]

Male Co-worker #2: Hey! This place is really nice! Who owns these Troff ‘n’ Brews, anyway?

Female Co-worker: Somebody told me it’s another Dining Associates chain. Six or seven of ’em just opened up in the city.

[ the two co-workers dig into the chili ]

Female Co-worker: This place isn’t always crowded. It’s good chili — I have to be careful not to eat too much, though.

[ pan over to Bill and his fellow co-worker digging into the chili ]

Male Co-worker #1: You know… we had better send that Telex out to Detroit right after lunch. I’m gonna step over here to a brew basin and wash this down with some cold brewski.

Bill: Yeah, I could suck back some cold beer.

[ they walk over to the beer buckets ] [ pan over to Ray and his buddy slurping beer from a bucket in the far corner ]

Ray’s Buddy: Hey, Ray?

Ray Swangen: Yeah?

Ray’s Buddy: Who’s picking up the tab for this feast?

Ray Swangen: I’ll do it. I’ll sign in my company — I’m known here. [ he looks up ] Hey, Waitress!

Waitress #1: [ stepping forward ] Yes, Sir!

Ray Swangen: Uh — I’d like a tab. You know? Ray Swangen Industries.

Waitress #1: Uh, yeah — how many heads?

Ray Swangen: Two.

Waitress #1: Two head! Alright. Sign here. [ Ray signs the tab ] Thank you!

Ray’s Buddy: Ah, beautiful! Thanks a lot, Ray! I’ll get you next week.

Ray Swangen: Ah, whatever.

[ they continue to sip beer from the bucket, as an announcement comes over ]

P.A. V/O: The Troff ‘n’ Brew is closing for a one half-hour hosedown. Please stop feeding, pay your check, and LEAVE by the MAIN exit present!

[ Waitress #2 begins hosing off patrons’ faces ]

P.A. V/O: Please deposit your bibs in the Bib Bin and head to the MAIN exit! One half-hour hosedown —

[ patrons corral toward the exit like cattle, and make just as much noise in the process ] [ pan upward into the audience, where one man peers over the balcony onto the stage with great interest ] [ the camera zooms onto the woman seated next to him, with SUPER: “Looked Better In Ticket Line” ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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