Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 18
Troff ‘n’ Brew
Male Co-Worker #1…..Bill Murray
Female Co-Worker…..Jane Curtin
Male Co-Worker #2…..Garrett Morris
Male Patron…..Tom Davis
Waitress #1…..Gilda Radner
Female Patron…..Rosie Shuster
Ray Swangen…..John Belushi
Ray’s Friend…..Dan Aykroyd
Waitress #2…..Laraine Newman
Other Patrons…..Anne Beatts, Jim Downey, Brian Doyle-Murray, Al Franken, Mitchell Laurance, Tom Schiller
[ open on group of four co-workers approaching elevator ]
Bill: So… where are we going to take lunch?
Male Co-worker #1: For God’s sake, let’s pick someplace close by.
Female Co-worker: Well, there’s Fujiwa.
Male Co-worker #2: No, no… Japanese food makes me sweat.
Female Co-worker: How about that Italian place?
Male Co-worker #1: I had Italian last night, if you don’t mind.
Bill: How about that new place, the Troff ‘n’ Brew?
Female Co-worker: Oh, I don’t know… I’ve been there once, and it was all right…
Bill: Come on! Let’s go there! It’s close by, they know me in there, it’s got great lighting, great chili. Come on, let’s go.[ the elevator dings ]
Male Co-worker #1: I could use some chili.[ they step into the elevator and grumble amongst themselves as the doors close ] [ dissolve to the interior of the Troff ‘n’ Brew, Male Patron #1 leaning over a bucket drinking beer straight from the tap as Waitress #1 works the spigot. He then dunks his head into the bucket of beer. ] [ slow pan across the chili trough, as various patrons lean over to eat their lunch, including Ray Swangen and his buddy ]
Ray’s Buddy: Ray… I’ll tell ya’ — I gotta go next week, and I gotta entertain Herb Cochran’s wife, and I was wondering if you could get me some tickets for the Yankee-Red Sox game. It might give me the opportunity I’ve been looking for to, you know, take his temperature, saw off any old wounds.
Ray Swangen: Uhhhh — no problem! I’ll send a memo to, uh, to Doris, and I’ll set it up. I’d like to have Herb Cock in my corner!
Ray’s Buddy: Yeah. Absolutely.[ Waitress #2 steps forward with a fresh bucket of chili ]
Waitress #2: Everything okay here?
Ray’s Buddy: Yeah! It’s good!
Waitress #2: Heads up! More chili![ she pours the chili out of the bucket and even scoops the bottom of the bucket by hand. Ray and his buddy lean over to eat the fresh chili. ] [ Bill and his co-workers enter and grab their bibs ]
Male Co-worker #2: Hey! This place is really nice! Who owns these Troff ‘n’ Brews, anyway?
Female Co-worker: Somebody told me it’s another Dining Associates chain. Six or seven of ’em just opened up in the city.[ the two co-workers dig into the chili ]
Female Co-worker: This place isn’t always crowded. It’s good chili — I have to be careful not to eat too much, though.[ pan over to Bill and his fellow co-worker digging into the chili ]
Male Co-worker #1: You know… we had better send that Telex out to Detroit right after lunch. I’m gonna step over here to a brew basin and wash this down with some cold brewski.
Bill: Yeah, I could suck back some cold beer.[ they walk over to the beer buckets ] [ pan over to Ray and his buddy slurping beer from a bucket in the far corner ]
Ray’s Buddy: Hey, Ray?
Ray Swangen: Yeah?
Ray’s Buddy: Who’s picking up the tab for this feast?
Ray Swangen: I’ll do it. I’ll sign in my company — I’m known here. [ he looks up ] Hey, Waitress!
Waitress #1: [ stepping forward ] Yes, Sir!
Ray Swangen: Uh — I’d like a tab. You know? Ray Swangen Industries.
Waitress #1: Uh, yeah — how many heads?
Ray Swangen: Two.
Waitress #1: Two head! Alright. Sign here. [ Ray signs the tab ] Thank you!
Ray’s Buddy: Ah, beautiful! Thanks a lot, Ray! I’ll get you next week.
Ray Swangen: Ah, whatever.[ they continue to sip beer from the bucket, as an announcement comes over ]
P.A. V/O: The Troff ‘n’ Brew is closing for a one half-hour hosedown. Please stop feeding, pay your check, and LEAVE by the MAIN exit present![ Waitress #2 begins hosing off patrons’ faces ]
P.A. V/O: Please deposit your bibs in the Bib Bin and head to the MAIN exit! One half-hour hosedown —[ patrons corral toward the exit like cattle, and make just as much noise in the process ] [ pan upward into the audience, where one man peers over the balcony onto the stage with great interest ] [ the camera zooms onto the woman seated next to him, with SUPER: “Looked Better In Ticket Line” ] [ fade ]