SNL Transcripts: Buck Henry: 05/20/78: The Franken & Davis Show




 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 3: Episode 20











77t: Buck Henry / Sun Ra

The Franken & Davis Show

…..Buck Henry

[ open on animated title sequence ]

Announcer: It’s time for the Franken & Davis Show, starring Al Franken and Tom Davis. And now, here’s Al and Tom!

[ dissolve to Home Base, as bare-chested Al and Tom enter amid great audience applause ]

Al Franken: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

Tom Davis: You know, uh — we’ve had so many requests for our Sumo Wrestler piece that, tonight, we just had to do it again! But, first — we’d like to introduce some VERY important people in the audience.

Al Franken: You know, there’s an old saying that behind every successful man… you’ll find a woman! And Tom and I are certainly no exceptions. So, tonight, ladies and gentlemen… I’d like you all to meet my lovely wife Darlene. She’s up there. [ he points toward the balcony ] Davey? Davey, can we get a shot of her? [ cut to shot of woman seated in balcony ] There she is! She’s over there! Ladies and gentlemen, my lovely wife Darlene! [ the audience applauds as Darlene smiles graciously ] And sitting next to her, is our son Al, Jr. [ camera pans over to a child-sized version of Al Franken ] Al, Jr. is nine years old, and he’s already in the Second Grade! And, sitting next to Al, Jr., ladies and gentlemen — Suzanne, the girl Tom lives with! [ camera pans over to a blonde woman, as the audience applauds her beauty ]

Tom Davis: [ seriously ] Al? Al, I can’t — I can’t live this lie any longer, ladies and gentlemen. Al just introduced his family and the girl I supposedly live with, to present a facade.

Al Franken: Tom…

Tom Davis: No! With all the Anita Bryant stuff going on… with all the DEFEAT of gay rights all across the United States, some people have to stand up and be counted! I think we should…

Al Franken: No, no…

Tom Davis: No, the truth of the — I mean it! The truth of the matter is: Al and I are homosexual lovers! I’d like to get that out.

Al Franken: DAMMIT, TOM!! Dammit!

Tom Davis: Al, listen — it was gonna come out sooner or later… I just thought it would be the best thing — RIGHT NOW!

Al Franken: [ nervously ] Ladies and gentlemen, uh — Tom is just joking! [ laughing ] This is part… of the routine!

Tom Davis: This is NOT a part of our routine, ladies and gentlemen. This is NOT a joke. Al and I are homosexual lovers, and we are PROUD of it! Both of us! I’d just like to say that. And, uh —

Al Franken: [ miffed ] Tom… how could you do that to us? In front of everybody… ESPECIALLY in front of my WIFE and KID! How can you do…?

Tom Davis: [ stunned ] Well, don’t they know?

Al Franken: No, they don’t know! NO! [ he hangs his head ] In front of all these people! And all the MILLIONS of people at home!

Tom Davis: That’s… that’s EXACTLY my point, Al! I — I — I wanted to make this announcement tonight… and… and… and these people are with you. They like you, they respect you… I think, in fact, they probably respect you MORE. Ladies and gentelmen, don’t you respect Al more now that you know? Now that you know…

[ the audience boos wildly ]

Tom Davis: Now that…

Al Franken: [ aggravated ] You — you see?! You see?!

Voice of Al, Jr.: I HATE YOU, DADDY!! I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU!!

[ cut to Al, Jr. standing in the audience ]

Al, Jr.: I HATE YOU, DADDY!! I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU!!

[ Al, Jr. storms away from the balcony, as Al’s wife runs after him ]

Voice of Al, Jr.: [ trailing off ] I HATE YOU, DADDY!! I HATE YOU!!

Al Franken: [ to Tom ] You see? Not only you ruined MY life…. but you ruined little Al, Jr.’s, too!

Tom Davis: [ calmly ] Al… you’re taking this…

Al Franken: [ furiously ] YOU’RE GONNA BE SORRY YOU DID THIS, TOM!!!

Tom Davis: You’re taking this the wrong way…

Al Franken: [ shoving Tom ] YOU’RE GONNA BE SORRY YOU DID THIS!! I’M GONNA MAKE YOU SORRY YOU DID THIS!!

Tom Davis: Come on! Let’s just do the Sumo…

Al Franken:[ shoving Tom ] YOU’RE GONNA BE SORRY, TOM!! I’m GONNA MAKE YOU SORRY [ he runs behind the stage curtain ]

Tom Davis: Oh, stop the theatrics! Come back here! [ to the audience ] I’m so sorry — [ to Al, behind the curtain ] Al, come here! Put that gun down! Don’t put that gun to your head!

[ a gunshot fires off, and Al’s body drops behind the curtain as his leg dangles outward ] [ Tom returns to face the audience ]

Tom Davis: [ sullen ] Uh… well, that’s the end of the show… Good night, everybody…

[ dissolve to title card ]

Announcer: The Franken & Davis Show is brought to you by… [ ad card appears ] The Communist Party of America. Working for a BETTER tomorrow! And, now — here’s Al and Tom!

[ dissolve back to Al and Tom onstage ]

Al Franken: Just kidding, everybody!

Tom Davis: He didn’t really shoot himself!

Al Franken: Good night, everybody!

Tom Davis: Good night!

[ dissolve to audience wide shot, zoom in on man with SUPER: “Can’t Keep Anything Down” ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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