Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 3: Episode 20
Mr. Mike’s Least Loved Music
Written by: Michael O’Donoghue
Mr. Mike…..Michael O’ Donoghue
Vampire…..Laraine Newman
[ open on Mr. Mike singing “Baby Ghouls” ]
Mr. Mike: [ singing ]
“Some like it hot,
Some like it cold,
Some like it in the grave
Nine years old.
Look out for the baby ghouls;
They’re breaking all the rules.
Look out, look out, you fools, for the baby ghouls.
They’ll ask for a candy bar,
Show their appendix scar,
Ride in your fancy car on their way to school.
They’re driving you insane,
Gobbling up your brain,
Playing out in the rain by the swimming pool.”
[ Vampire is seen next to him, translating his spoken interlude into sign language ]
Mr. Mike: I was driving down Route 17, saw this little girl hitchhikerand I picked her up, and I noticed that when she crossed her legs I could seemy face reflected in her black patent leather shoes. Well, we were drivingfor a while when she turns to me and says, “Hey Mister, hey mister I likeyour flesh, let’s you and me go park.” And I say, “How about Lover’s Lane?”and she says, “No let’s go to the cemetery, no one will bother us there.”And so we drive to the cemetery, and I’m laying on the grass and telling herwhat pretty.. red.. lips she has. She replies, “Mama says no lipstick, so wedip our lips in blood.” and I look up at the tombstone, and on it, is carved,my own.. name!
Mr. Mike: [ continues singing ]
“One morning, you wake up dead.
Teddy Bear by your bed.
They wanna give you headstones, the Baby Ghouls.
Blood stains on the party dress,
Little white gloves a mess,
Look out for the pre-pubess of the Baby Ghouls.
Look out for the pre-pubess of the Baby Ghouls.
Look out for the pre-pubess..”
[ Vampire sneaks up behind him and bites him on the neck ]
“..Of the Baby Ghouls.”
[ Mr. Mike is fading, while blood comes out of vampire’s mouth ]
[ fade to black ]
Submitted by: Tony DuMont
