SNL Transcripts: The Rolling Stones: 10/07/78: Autoscent

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 4: Episode 1

78a: The Rolling Stones


Pat…..Gilda Radner
Joan…..Jane Curtin

Pat: [ sees Joan drive up ] Hi, Joan!

Joan: [ getting out of her car ] Oh, hi, Pat!

Pat: I just thought I’d drop by today to see the color of the handtowels you’re using in the spare bathroom.

Joan: Oh, sure. Come on in.

Pat: [ sniffing ] Hmm.. something sure smells like lilac. Are youwearing a new perfume?

Joan: Thanks, Pat! But it’s not me – it’s my car.

Pat: Your car smells that good?

Joan: Sure.. [ reaches into her shopping bag ] ..with AutoScent, theinternal combustion deodorizer.

Pat: [ reads the bottle ] AutoScent exhaust freshener.. [ happy ]Lilac! How does it work?

Joan: Oh, it’s so easy – here, let me show you. [ opens herhood ] All you do is pump AutoScent into the carborator every 800 miles, orwhenever you want to change the scent.

Pat: Joan, you never told me you knew anything about carborators.

Joan: Oh, sure.. I can tear down a car in nothing flat! But you don’thave to do that to use AutoScent! [ sprays AutoScent into the carborator ]My exhaust has been smelling like lilacs all week, but today I want it tosmell like a pine forest. Go ahead – smell the tailpipe.

Pat: [ kneels down to smell at the rear of the car as Joan pressesthe exhaust pedal, releasing toxic smoke in the air ] Mmm! It reallyworks!

Announcer: AutoScent – the automobile exhaust freshener. In fourexciting fragrances – Lilac, Lemon-Lime, Pine Forest, and Musk. Anenvironmentally-safe pump spray.

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