Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 4: Episode 4
Looks at Books
Bob Crawford…..Dan Aykroyd
Jane Curtin: Welcome to “Looks at Books”. I’m Jane Curtin, and we’regoing to talk to the man who’s written this book.. [ holds book up ]..Mauled. Please welcome Bob Crawford. Bob, why Mauled?
Bob Crawford: [ face is severely scarred ] Because there are over 150 people mauled by bears in this country every year. You know, the media has portrayed the bear as kind of a friendly, jovial character – you got Smokey the Bear, Sugar Bear, Yogi Bear, Boo Boo.. The truth is, that bears are very dangerous animals.
Jane Curtin: Well, I haven’t had time to actually read your book, Bob. But what exactly was your main interest in writing Mauled?
Bob Crawford: Jane, I wanted to warn people about the dangers of feeding marshmallows to grizzly bears.
Jane Curtin: Well, I can see here, from the book jacket, that you put a lot of the blame on the National Park Service. You feel that they’re not doing all they can to protect bear attacks?
Bob Crawford: That’s right, and I have some proposals. First of all, there should be signs posted prominently on all national park entrances, saying, “Do Not Ride the Bears”. Secondly, park rangers should warn campers, if they find bear cubs, leave them alone. Don’t try to dress them up in children’s clothes or swimsuits, what have you. It makes a great picture, but you’re just playing with fire. Third – and I want to emphasize – Never Feed a Marshmallow to a grizzly bear like this: [ places a marshmallow in his mouth and poses wantingly ]
Jane Curtin: Well, thank you for being on “Looks at Books”, Bob. Maybe we’ll have you back sometime. Are you planning on writing another book?
Bob Crawford: Gosh, I certainly hope not.
Jane Curtin: This has been Jane Curtin for “Looks at Books”. Good night.[ fade ]