SNL Transcripts: Carrie Fisher: 11/18/78: Beach Blanket Bimbo From Outer Space

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 4: Episode 6

78f: Carrie Fisher / The Blues Brothers

Beach Blanket Bimbo From Outer Space

Surfer…..Alan Zweibel
Sandy…..Laraine Newman
Buzz…..Al Franken
Skeeter…..Jane Curtin
Moondoggie…..Tom Davis
Annette Funicello…..Gilda Radner
Frankie Avalon…..Bill Murray
Princess Leia…..Carrie Fisher
Vincent Price…..Dan Aykroyd
Eric Von Zipper…..John Belushi
Chubby Checker…..Garrett Morris

[ open to the sounds of a variant of The Chantays’ 1963 beach hit “Pipeline” ]

Surfer: Surf’s up!

Sandy: Geee, the beach is fun this year!

Buzz: Remember how much fun we had last year! But this year is the most fun!

Skeeter: Oh gee, I love being tanned and popular!

Sandy: Boy! We really have a lot of fun, considering it’s the 50’s and we’re past puberty and we don’t even have sex yet!

Buzz: And we don’t drink, we don’t smoke dope.. and it’ll be seven years before we hear about acid!

Moondoggie: I just we weren’t sending so many civilian advisors into Vietname, but..

Skeeter: Oh.. stop thinking, Moondoggie! We’re just here to have mindless fun! [ catches sight of Frankie and Annette approaching on the sand ] Hi, Annette! Hi, Frankie!

Annette: Hiiii. [ giggles ]

Frankie: Annette? Do you love me?

Annette: You know I do, Frankie..

Frankie: Prove it! Let me go all the way tonight, huh?

Annette: No!

Frankie: Well, come on! how about third base?

Annette: No!

Frankie: Oh, come on! Second base!

Annette: No!

Frankie: Well, let me.. let me just touch the sides!

Annette: No! Frankie, no! If I let you, you won’t respect me!

Frankie: Annette.. please!

Annette: Oh! Don’t handle the merchandise!

[ sci-fi sound effects are heard ]

Moondoggie: Wow! What’s that?! Is that a flying saucer?!

[ Princess walks up to the gang ]

Buzz: I don’t know.. but I sure hope she stays all summer!

Sandy: Uh-oh.. competition..

Princess Leia: Hi, everybody! I’m from another galaxy, in another time, in another movie! I’m an exchange student from outer space, and I just dropped onto this swell beach! Gee, I.. I sure hope you guys speak English!

Sandy: Well.. we do.. I’m Sandy, and this is Buzz, and Skeeter, and Moondoggy. We’re the popular crowd! [ laughs ]

Skeeter: A clique of middle-class WASPs and Italian teenagers living off our parents until it’s hip to reject them!

Princess Leia: Hi!

Annette: Hi. I-I’m Annette.. and this is my boyfriend Frankie.. and these are my breasts.

Princess Leia: Hi! Hi!

Frankie: Welcome to Party Beach. Say, what’s your name?

Princess Leia: I-I’m Princess Leia!

Frankie: Wowww.. a real princess from outer space.

Buzz: Princess.. Lay.. ah!

[ everyone laughs ]

Annette: You see. this is the 50’s, and nice girls don’t go all the way.

Frankie: And we’re so horny, we’ll laugh at anything that even sounds dirty!

Buzz: No matter how stu-pid it is! [ laughs ]

Surfer: Surf’s up!

Everyone: Yayyyyy!!

Frankie: Say.. Princess Leia. Did you bring a bathing suit?

Sure! [ removes her clothes to reveal a shuny bikini ] Will this do?

[ all the guys whistled, impressed with Princess Leia’s layout ]

Frankie: Talk about heavenly bodies! Wow! She’s outta sight!

Annette: [ miffed ] You two certainly have a lot in common – space! She coems from it, and.. you’ve got a lot between your ears! Come on, girls!

[ the girls stomp away from the beach scene, leaving Frankie and Princess Leia alone ]

Frankie: You know.. Annette’s right. I.. I am interested in.. outer space.. travel.. Say, tell me, Princess – say, on your planet, a guy’s going out with a girl since the beginning of high school. how long should he have to wait until he.. gets under her bra?

Princess Leia: Uh.. usually, until he can get her alone in his car.

Moondoggy: Well, what if he doesn’t have a car?

Princess Leia: Then he should borrow his dad’s.

Buzz: Well.. how old do you have to be on your planet to.. get a driver’s license?

Princess Leia: 16.

Buzz: Ah, nuts! Then I’d have to wait another three months!

[ Vincent Price enters the beach scene ]

Vincent Price: Having fun, kids?

Frankie: Hey! Aren’t you Vincent Price?!

Vincent Price: Who’s your friend, son?

Frankie: This is Princess Leia!

Vincent Price: Hello, Your Highness.

Frankie: Mr. Price, where are you going with all those little cubes of raw meat.

Vincent Price: This is marinated lamb, and I’m.. taking it up the beach.. for a barbecue at the home of a close, personal friend of mine, whos’ a recording artist.

Princess Leia: I bet you’re making shish-kabob!

Vincent Price: Yes!

Princess Leia: I hope you didn’t forget the garlic!

Vincent Price: Leave garlic out of shish-kabob? Honey, I’d sooner slash my wrists. Someday, I’d.. really like to teach you how to cook.

Frankie: Gee.. thanks, Mr. Price.

Vincent Price: Have fun, kids. [ exits ]

Frankie: He sure is friendly – for an older guy, you know?

Princess Leia: Everybody seems to be friendly here!

Frankie: You’d fit in right here on Earth. Say.. I bet you know how to kiss great.

Princess Leia: “Kiss”? What’s “kiss”?

Frankie: You don’t know what “kiss” means?

Princess Leia: No!

Frankie: Well, just close your eyes.. and open your mouth.

[ Princess Leia closes her eyes and opens her mouth, as Frankie makes his move. Annette re-enters the scene and catches him ]

Annette: What are you trying to do, give her artificial respiration?!

Frankie: Uh.. uh.. she had some spinach caught in her teeth.. and I was just trying to help her pull it out!

Annette: Get your meat hooks off of him, Your Highness! He’s my guy!

Princess Leia: Wait a minute! You got me all wrong! I’m no cheap tramp from tomorrow! I’m no space slut!

[ background music pots up, as Princess Leia breaks into a 50’s teen angst song variant ]

Princess Leia: [ singing ]I’m a teenager from outer spaceTrying to make it in the human race.Although I come from another worldI’m really a very nice girl!

And even though I’m dropping from the skyI would never steal another girl’s guy!I don’t want all the girls to hate meI just want.. the guys to date me!

I want to wear.. a two-piece bathing suitI want to find.. a boy that’s really cute!Writing love letters in the sand dunesBut it’s hard.. when you’re the new kid on Earth!

Chorus:
Obi Wan Kenobi!
Obi Wan Kenobi!
Obi Wan Kenobi..!

Annette: Gee! Maybe I was a little rough on you!

Princess Leia: Couldn’t we be friends now?

Annette: Sure!

[ they hug ]

Princess Leia: [ continues to sing ]There’ll come a day, and I hope it’s soonWhether you come from the skies or moon!

Frankie: It won’t matter if you’re green or blue.

Princess Leia: You’ll find.. the boy that’s right for you!

Everyone: I want to wear.. a two-piece bathing suit

Princess Leia: I want to find.. a boy that’s really cute!

Everyone:
Write love letters in the sand dunes
But it’s really hard when you’re the new kid on Earth!
Wo-oh!
You’re the new kid on Earth!

[ suddenly, cool guy Eric Von Zipper enters the scene ]

Frankie: [ awestruck ] Eric Von Zipper!!

Eric Von Zipper: Hey! I heard there was a new broad on the beach! I dig that crazy chick! She’s got mroe curves than the Ventura Freeway!

[ the gang laughs, as Vincent Price re-enters the scene ]

Vincent Price: Hi, kids. Remember that recording artist friend I was telling you about? Well, here he is.

Annette: [ excited ] Hey look, everybody! It’s Chubby Checker!

Everyone: CHUBBY CHECKER?!! WOWWW!!!

Chubby Checker: Hi, gang! Do you kids like to have fun?!

Everyone: YEAHHHH!!!

Chubby Checker: Great! ‘Cause there’s nothing I like better than entertaining white, middle-class kids on the beach! So come on, everybody! Let’s Twist!

[ singing ]

Come on and twist in a two-piece bathing suit
With a girl who’s really cute!

Frankie: [singing ] Thank you, Chubby.. for New Twist.. on Eaaaaaaarth!

Chorus:
Obi Wan Kenobi!
Obi Wan Kenobi!
Obi Wan Kenobi..!

[ fade to SUPER: ” Coming up next… We Saved Gidget’s Brain” ]

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