Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 4: Episode 6
Mr. Bill Goes Fishing
(Scene opens on a lake. Mr. Hands takes a fishing line and lets it out. He hooks up the Mr. Bill Show curtain and pulls it up.)
Mr. Hands: Hey kids, it’s the Mr. Bill Show!
Mr. Bill: (Standing on a small boat) Ho ho kiddies! Oh boy are we gonna have fun today. Because I’m taking off work to go fishing yay! And here’s our skipper Mr. Hands Yay!
Mr. Hands: (Starts molding a blue hat) Hey Mr. Bill! Before we start fishing, we need to put on a fisherman’s hat to protect us from the sun. (Places it on Mr. Bill’s head.)
Mr. Bill: Yay! Thanks! (Mr. Hands puts the hooks on the hat which go right through Mr. Bill’s head.) Oh no the hooks! Noooooooooo! Why Why!
Mr. Hands: And say, before we start reeling them in, how about a nice cold beer? (Shakes up a beer can.)
Mr. Bill: But you know I’m too young to drink. (Mr. Hands opens up the can which sprays Beer all over Mr. Bill’s face.)
Mr. Hands: Now we need some bait.
Mr. Bill: But I don’t have any worms.
Mr. Hands: (Sings) “Here comes Mr. Bill’s dog!” (Molds Spot into shape.)
Mr. Bill: Yay spot! How are you doing huh? (Mr. Hands hooks Spot) Oh wait! Oh no don’t do that no! Ohhhhhhhhhh!
Mr. Hands: (Places the line on Mr. Bill’s hat) Now lets cast off!
Mr. Bill: No no my hat! (Mr. Hands releases the line pulling Mr. Bill’s hat and hair off!) Nooooooooo! My hair!
Mr. Hands: (Pulling in Sluggo with his line.) Say what a catch! It’s deep sea diver Jacques Sluggeau!
Mr. Bill: Oh no! He’s gonna be mean to me!
Mr. Hands: No he just wants to show you his new harpoon (Sluggo shoots it at Mr. Bill)
Mr. Bill: No wait! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Mr. Hands: (Casting his line.) Now I’ll try my luck and maybe I’ll catch a whale. (Aims it at a dolphin.)
Mr. Bill: No I don’t like fishing!
Mr. Hands: Say I think I got a nibble so why don’t you hold while I tell the kids… (Gives the line to Mr. Bill)
Mr. Bill: No I can’t hold it! I can’t–! (Mr. Hands releases the line and Mr. Bill is sent flying in the air right into the dolphins mouth.) Nooooooooooooooooooo!
Mr. Hands: …So long! See you next time when Mr. Bill goes to court. Bye bye!
Submitted by: Nick Johnson