SNL Transcripts: Eric Idle: 12/09/78: Telepsychic Ray

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 4: Episode 8



78h: Eric Idle / Kate Bush

Telepsychic Ray

Telepsychic Ray…..Dan Aykroyd

Telepsychic Ray: Hi, welcome to Cable TV Channel D. This is “Telepsychic”. My name is Ray, and I’ll be taking your calls today.Here’s the numbers: 555-1231, 2, 3, 4 and 5. Our lines are open, ask me about anything today – about life, jobs, money, love.. anything at all, I’ll predict for you. Hello, Telepsychic.

Caller #1: Uh.. yeah.. yeah.. I lost my job, and I need some money. Uh.. am I gonna get some money soon, and get a job?

Telepsychic Ray: Okay, uh.. yes.. in a week.. somebody will give you some money.. and you’ll get a new job in.. oh.. about a month. Okay?

Caller #1: Okay, thank you, Ray!

Telepsychic Ray: Okay. Hello, Telepsychic.

Caller #2: Uh, yeah.. my girlfriend won’t go out with me any more.. but, uh.. I don’t care, because we’ve been going out for a long time, anyway.. and I’d like to find somebody new, anyway.. but, uh.. do you think she might come back to me, anyway?

Telepsychic Ray: Uh…. no. Uh.. yes.. yes. I predict you’ll go out with someone new for awhile.

Caller #2: Oh, for how long you think?

Telepsychic Ray: Uh…. oh, about a month.. or so.. and then your old girlfriend will come back to you, and you’ll be together again.. for about a month, okay?

Caller #2: Uh.. okay. Thank you very much.

Telepsychic Ray: Hello, Telepsychic.

Caller #3: Am I on?

Telepsychic Ray: Yeah, you’re on the air. Go ahead.

Caller #3: My seester wants to take some butter..

Telepsychic Ray: [ hangs up quickly ] Hello, Telepsychic.

Caller #4: Hi I have a sick friend, and I want to know if she’ll get better, and when.

Telepsychic Ray: Uh.. okay.. uh.. yes. She’s gonna get better.. and I feel that she should get better.. in.. oh.. about a couple of months.. okay?

Caller #4: Yeah? Well, I don’t got no sick friend, I just made that up! I said, I don’t got no sick friend! What do you think of that?

Telepsychic Ray: I think you’re sick.

Caller #4: What?!

Telepsychic Ray: ..I predict you’re the one who’s gonna get sick!

Caller #4: I’m gonna get sick?!

Telepsychic Ray: Uh.. yes.. I feel you have a lump.. a clot in your back, and it’s moving, growing, and moving, moving up into your neck.

Caller #4: Well, will it go away? Am I gonna get better?

Telepsychic Ray: No. no. Definitely not.

Caller #4: No, come on!

Telepsychic Ray: No, no.. it’s gonna move into your neck and choke you, okay?

Caller #4: Okay.

Telepsychic Ray: Okay. Hello, Telepsychic.

Caller #5: Hello. Listen, my favorite show is “Saturday Night”, and I was wondering if you could tell me how they’re gonna start the show this week?

Telepsychic Ray: Uh.. okay. “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night.”

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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