SNL Transcripts: Michael Palin: 01/27/79: The Franken and Davis Show


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 4: Episode 10

78j: Michael Palin / The Doobie Brothers

The Franken and Davis Show

…..Al Franken
…..Tom Davis
…..Laraine Newman
…..Gilda Radner
Voice on Intercom…..Jane Curtin

[ open on animated title card ]

Announcer: It’s time for “The Franken and Davis Show”, starring Al Franken and Tom Davis. Now here’s al and Tom!

[ dissolve to Franken and Davis entering stage to audience applause ]

Al Franken: Thanks very much, ladies and gentlemen… and welcome to the show.

Tom Davis: Now, those of you who are familiar with “The Franken & Davis Show” know that both Al and I are international Communist revolutionaries.

Al Franken: Thank you! Thank you very much!

[ the audience applauds wildly ]

Al Franken: Thank you! Thank you very much! And our special guest stars tonight — and this is quite a thrill — are two giant superstars. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome… Laraine Newman and Gilda Radner!

Tom Davis: Yeah! Come on!

[ the audience applauds wildly as Laraine and Gilda step out ]

Al Franken: Thanks for coming on, girls!

Gilda Radner: Oh, thank you, guys! Uh — you know, ladies and gentlemen, when Laraine and I were asked to do the show, we jumped at the chance because, like Tom and Al, Laraine and I are working toward the day when the entire world will be ruled by ONE Marxist government!

Al Franken: Yeah!

[ the audience applauds wildly ]

Laraine Newman: That’s right. And I think we all agree, that in order for the, uh, prolatariat revolution to succeed, we’ll have to all pitch in to make things worse.

Al Franken: Yeah!

Gilda Radner: Alright!

Tom Davis: Thank you!

[ they all applaud their efforts ]

Tom Davis: That’s wonderful, Laraine. And that’s why on tonight’s show we’re going to present… the first pornography made expressly for television, to help corrupt the moral fiber of our imperialist culture!

Al Franken: Perhaps in our own small way, we can hasten the collapse of our culture and help to clear the way… for the revolution!

Tom Davis: So, if you have any impressionable children who are asleep — wake them up, please, and join us now as we go to Dallas Stadium.

[ dissolve to “Porno For T.V.” opening grraphics ]

Announcer: “Porno For T.V.” [ over title ] “They Rubbed Backs To Get To The Top”.

[ dissolve to Tom as Coach Laundry, reading a porno magazine as his intercom buzzes ]

Tom Davis: Yeah?

Voice on Intercom: Coach Laundry, there are two sisters here who’d like to talk to you about being cheerleaders?

Tom Davis: Okay, send them in — NO interruptions.

[ Laraine and Gilda enter as the two sisters ]

Laraine Newman: Hi! You must be Coach Laundry.

Tom Davis: Yes. Sometimes they call me “Dirty” Laundry.

Gilda Radner: Oh! We’d do ANYTHING to become Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders — and I mean ANYTHING!

Tom Davis: [ piqued ] Anything?

Laraine Newman: That’s riiight.

Tom Davis: How about even rubbing my… back?

Laraine Newman: Oh, sure! You know, our fantasy as sisters is to rub the backs of a coach and football player at the same time!

Tom Davis: Huh? [ into intercom ] Miss Welch? Is Jackie Watts still there in the outer office?

Voice on Intercom: Why, yes!

Tom Davis: Send him in!

Gilda Radner: [ excited ] Jackie Watts? He’s one of the BIGGEST backs in football!

[ Al enters as Jackie Watts ]

Al Franken: Sorry I dropped that… pass… in the… end zone… Coach.

Laraine Newman: [ carressing him ] Ohhhh, forget about the Super Bowl, Jackie. We’re gonna rub your backs like they’ve never been rubbed before! [ she rips his shirt open ] Oh, God!

Al Franken: Oh, great!

Laraine Newman: Get on that couch, honey! Come on! [ she shoves him down ]

Al Franken: Oh, great! [ she begins to rub his back ] Oh!

[ Tom begins to remove his shirt ]

Gilda Radner: How about on the desk?

Tom Davis: Okay. [ he stretches across the desk and she begins to rub his back ] Oh… oh! Oh, that feels GODO! Oh, a little slower. That’s it.

Al Franken: Oh, yeah!

Laraine Newman: Oh, your back is hot.

Al Franken: Oh, yeah! Oh… watch the nails. Oh! Oh, that feels good!

Gilda Radner: [ playing with her hair ] I’m going to try something really UNUSUAL! I want to hold your weight!

Tom Davis: Okay, baby! Whatever you… oh, yeah! Oh! Oh, you’re driving me crazy!

[ Jackie and his sister have changed positions ]

Laraine Newman: Ohhh, crack me! Crack me!

Al Franken: [ twisting her neck ] You’re just… bending!

Laraine Newman: Oh, yeah!

Al Franken: Hey. I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you and your sister rub each other’s backs… and we’ll watch?

Girls: Okay!

[ the male audience members begin to moan in anticipation, as Gila sits down to rub Laraine’s back ]

Laraine Newman: Oh! Ohhhh!

Tom Davis: Hey. You know how to use one of these? [ he pulls out a back scratcher ]

Gilda Radner: I don’t know.

Tom Davis: Give it a try! [ he uses it to scratch Laraine’s back ]

Laraine Newman: Oh! Oh! Scratch me all over! Oh!

Al Franken: Hey! Hey, let ME get in there!

[ they all climb onto the sofa together, the back scratcher wedged between them ]

Al Franken: Oh, yeah!

Tom Davis: Oh!

Al Franken: Yeah!

Tom Davis: Oh!

Al Franken: Oh, baby!

Tom Davis: Oh! Yeah!

[ SUPER: “THE END” ] [ dissolve to “The FRanken and Davis Show” title card ]

Announcer: Al and Tom will be right back after this message from the Communist Party. [ over product slide ] “The Communist Party: The Shah’s Not OUR Friend”. And now, here’s Al and Tom!

[ dissolve to Al and Tom waving onstage ]

Al & Tom: Goodnight, everybody!

Al Franken: Good night!

Tom Davis: Thanks for watching!

Al Franken: Thanks for watching!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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